No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Honey_Bear

Good.

I only got this far because people helped me. Just passing it on.

Chardonnay

Day 27. I feel so much better today. Hopefully the storm has passed, for now anyway! We've had a good chat to Daughter and she is behaving herself at the moment, fingers crossed! That's taken a lot of the stress away.

I did my meditation again this morning and am really enjoying that. I ran for over half an hour on the treadmill yesterday which is the most I've managed on there for a while. Today I feel good physically and mentally and that is so encouraging me! I'm feeling really good about my decision today and when I get any sabotaging thoughts am just telling myself that although I can't say what the future will hold, I will just not drink today.

Not much more to say really apart from have a great Friday everyone! :cool:

MarylandCookie_2

Hey Chardonnay, just wanted to say well done, sounds like you've had a couple of rough days, but have come out of the other side "fighting" so to speak.

Honey Bear, your an inspiration, love your wide words :0)

Honey_Bear

Thank you Maryland Cookie.


There is a huge amount of misinformation about stopping drinking out there - just trying to reset the balance. I'm glad it's helpful.

Chardonnay

Thanks MC! How are you doing?

Your words are always hugely helpful to me HB!

Day 28 - 4 weeks of no alcohol! Woohoo!!! Well I have to say that these last two days I have felt great. I have lots of energy and enthusiasm and seem to be getting so much more done. I feel so much less tired. I think it's probably a combination of my meds kicking in (am only on a small dose but they seem to be helping), not drinking and possibly even the running and meditation. Just a real lifestyle change really. I do know that my life needs to be different to how it was when I was drinking. I need to replace the alcohol with something else and live differently. Hopefully that is what I'm doing.

I won't lie, I had more thoughts of sadness about drinking yesterday. They seem to revolve around future holidays at the moment. But I told myself that I actually can drink if I want to and I will see what happens. Just take every day as it comes. I know that I don't want to drink but I also know that if I tell myself I CAN'T drink, it just makes my mind want it more. When I think of drinking on holiday I think about how tired it'll make me feel, how I'll come home feeling worse than when I went! I want to try a new way - just try it - to see how it feels not to drink. To read, to eat good food, to run, to swim. I have nothing to lose by trying that. If I don't like it, I can go back to drinking on the next holiday. That is working for me right now.

Off for a run now before having to work until 2 Have a great weekend!

MarylandCookie_2

I'm doing ok thanks, OH wants to go to the "early bar" this afternoon = few drinks in town and a curry. Not feeling it at all, and will probably duck out or offer to drive. I've been up ages, just off to the gym for a couple of classes. Isn't it great to feel bright eyed and bushy tailed on a Saturday morning! Enjoy your run, I've still not put my runners on yet. I'm over thinking it at the moment I think.

Have a good shift at work, hope it's not too late a finish for you.

Have a great weekend everyone x

Chardonnay

How did you get on MC? I wouldn't fancy the early bar at this stage either! Well done on going to the gym..it certainly is a great feeling to wake up hangover-free!

Thanks. It wasn't too bad, finished at 2 and then went into town to have my hair cut and a little browse around the shops. Nice evening in last night watching The Voice and catching up on some programmes we'd recorded. I didn't miss drink at all although OH and I shared a huge bag of Maltesers with a cuppa so that could be why!

I also had a glass of Bottle Green Cox's apple - very nice, I would recommend! It reminded me a little of cider and I noticed today that it says this on their website. I didn't like the Elderflower one much - too sweet for me - but will definitely be having another couple of glasses of the apple one tonight.

I'm tired today but that's because we went to bed late and I woke up too early! Did my meditation first thing then had a nice walk by the river and coffee and cake with dad and OH. Oh, I signed up online with Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish in January too and so I did a good session of that today.

Although I feel tired, I'm not tired enough to need to have a nap on the sofa like I used to when I was drinking, so that's got to be a good sign!

Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend!

Honey_Bear

You're right. You could drink on holiday, but if you're anything like me it would be really, really easy to then go on drinking after you get back. I absolutely know I would, and I never want to go back to that half-life.


My birthday treat last year was a 24 hour trip to Brittany which we both enjoyed so much we did exactly the same trip two weeks later. We found a really cracking wine in the supermarket on the first trip that was the bargain of the century and went back to stock up on it, which we duly did. We also quaffed a fair amount on the ferry going over and coming back, which is part of the treat for us - Brittany Ferries are fab! We might have another 24 hour trip again this year for my birthday and for the first few months of being AF I was wondering if it would be as much fun. Now, eight months after giving up booze, I know the answer is quite simply, 'Yes.' Everything I enjoyed about those trips will still be great, but I won't have a hangover afterwards and won't spent a fortune stocking up on something that, ultimately, doesn't really agree with me.


I think that worrying about feeling deprived in the future is a lot better than feeling deprived today, so carry on doing what you're doing - because it's keeping you going long enough to find out how much easier life is without the giggle-juice.

MarylandCookie_2

Hey Chardonnay, dipped out of early bar, just didn't fancy it. In the past this has been a really trigger point for me and best avoided. I'm feeling a bit, Mondayish really. Had all the family round yesterday and had 2 glasses of my fave wine, don't usually drink wine, but I like this one. Feel good that I stopped at 2, could quite, quite easily have drank more but didn't. So should feel good about that. I don't know need to get a grip! I've seen a post on Annie's blog about tough love, and it not being ok to stop and start drinking, it's really given me food for thought. I know this semi moderating is temporary, I can't sustain it and I'll end up it biting me on the bum.

Isn't it funny you know the advice to help others, but isn't it hard to do yourself sometimes?!? Or maybe that's just how I'm feeling.

Sorry for hijacking your diary with my ramblings. I love to hear how you are all doing, you make me feel like it is possible. Thank you xxxx

Chardonnay

Hi HB! I really really don't want to drink on holiday. I guess I'm more frightened that I will more than anything. I know that everyone else will be drinking. I think even that in itself is a change in me though. Before, I really wanted to drink on holiday, felt I was being deprived if I didn't. Now I'm FRIGHTENED I will because I've been feeling so good I don't want to ruin it. I just want to try not drinking on this holiday to see the difference from holidays in the past. I know I can drink on future holidays if I want to but I just want to try something different this time.

Great to hear how you're feeling about your future trip to Brittany, especially as it seemed it had revolved around wine in the past. Very true that you will appreciate it more without the hangovers and you can use the money you would have spent on wine to treat yourself to something you really want.

Your last paragraph is very true, thank you. I can keep worrying about the future but as long as I keep not drinking TODAY, that's the main thing and I'm building up more and more sober momentum as I go!