No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

Thanks MC! You have a great weekend too!

Day 35 today, so 5 weeks of no alcohol! The visit to the pub was interesting last night. I had two lime and sodas and quite enjoyed them. For the first five minutes I felt a bit strange not having a glass of wine but soon relaxed and really enjoyed the time we were there, chatting and listening to music. I actually felt quite excited and exhilarated at one point when I realised that I really could enjoy myself without the booze!

Up at 5.30 this morning - shattered! We are catching an early train to Bristol and I wanted to make sure I fit in my meditation and a run first, which I'm just about to go for. We are out for a meal tonight and off out for a couple of drinks first so that will be.....interesting! Hopefully it'll be a nice night. I kind of don't want to avoid going to the pub because I feel the more I go and don't drink, hopefully the more I will get used to it, although I'm not kidding myself, I'm sure it won't always be as easy as it was last night. But I'm starting to believe that I can do this, I really can!

So, onwards and upwards. Feeling positive just knowing that I won't drink today. :cool:

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

Ah, sorry if I didn't explain myself well but when I said that I was looking forward to what happens next, I was more talking about how I will feel physically and mentally.

I realised that was probably what you meant, and it feels like an adventure to me as well, so I get it, I promise.


What I am still slightly surprised about, however, is how nonplussed - at best - most people are by my giving up drinking. If I ever meet anyone else who has, I'll run up the flags for them because it isn't easy, and it is a huge commitment to oneself and those that one cares about or loves.



Have a great weekend.

MarylandCookie_2

Morning C and HB, hope you are both well. I've had a moment of clarity, think it could also be mylightbulb moment.....I was up early yesterday morning and went for my first run, only a couple of miles, I was slow and it wasn't easy but I was chuffed, after not drinking Friday night. Onto this morning after the beer festival last night........I'm in my PJ's drinking coffee wishing I'd not drunk last night. I didn't get drunk, and I was more moderate in my drinking than I've been in the past, but I still drank.

I know if I'd not have had a drink I would be up and about and at the gym, and having a productive day. Today won't be a write off, but won't be as good as it could've been. that's something I've read a lot on the sober blogs.

So, the non drinking ship is sailing closer to me, I'm getting ready to hop on board.

Wishing you a happy, peaceful and productive Sunday x

Honey_Bear

Hi Maryland Cookie. I've just posted else-thread about this very issue. It turns out I have an incredibly ingrained habit of forward planning which days I won't be able to do stuff because I know I'll have drunk too much the night before.


Please note the use of the present tense. After nearly eight months, 238 days to be exact, of not drinking at all, that thought still goes through my head when I think about what I want or need or should be doing during the next few days. I am genuinely horrified by that.


I know I wasn't addicted to alcohol and friends don't think I had a drink problem, but I'd say that after not doing something for nearly eight months my subconscious still processes thoughts as if I were still drinking - I had a problem.


The good news is - I don't any more!


The lovely, lovely feeling I get when I realise I don't have to think like that any more and don't just routinely write days off is fabulous, but the awareness of the habitual calculation is quite a facer.

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

I realised that was probably what you meant, and it feels like an adventure to me as well, so I get it, I promise.


What I am still slightly surprised about, however, is how nonplussed - at best - most people are by my giving up drinking. If I ever meet anyone else who has, I'll run up the flags for them because it isn't easy, and it is a huge commitment to oneself and those that one cares about or loves.



Have a great weekend.

Thanks HB, I know you get it and that's why I love hearing from you. It's so lovely to be able to talk openly on here and share experiences!

Yes, I think I will probably encounter that a lot too. However, my husband mentioned to his daughters that I wasn't drinking at the moment yesterday and they didn't bat an eyelid. It doesn't surprise me as they aren't huge drinkers themselves and they were very understanding and supportive when I explained why. My husband actually seemed quite proud of me, which was nice! It stands to reason that it will be the heavier drinkers who may find it hard to understand! I think I may come across that next weekend, when I face my biggest test yet, but I'll post about that again.

Thanks, hope you're having a great weekend too!

Chardonnay

MarylandCookie wrote: »

Morning C and HB, hope you are both well. I've had a moment of clarity, think it could also be mylightbulb moment.....I was up early yesterday morning and went for my first run, only a couple of miles, I was slow and it wasn't easy but I was chuffed, after not drinking Friday night. Onto this morning after the beer festival last night........I'm in my PJ's drinking coffee wishing I'd not drunk last night. I didn't get drunk, and I was more moderate in my drinking than I've been in the past, but I still drank.

I know if I'd not have had a drink I would be up and about and at the gym, and having a productive day. Today won't be a write off, but won't be as good as it could've been. that's something I've read a lot on the sober blogs.

So, the non drinking ship is sailing closer to me, I'm getting ready to hop on board.

Wishing you a happy, peaceful and productive Sunday x

Hey MC! You are going through the same thought processes I went through on my run up to stopping drinking. HB puts it so well about the planning your life around drink. Only early days for me of course but I'm also still in the habit of thinking that Sundays will be a write off and there's no possible way that I will be able to go for a run - or as you say, not a write off but not as productive as they could have been.

It is so very liberating when you realise that you don't have to plan your life around booze any more. It will be lovely to have you on board the non drinking ship if you do decide to join us, but in the meantime, it's always great to hear from you and how you're doing!

Hope you're have a great Sunday!

Chardonnay

So, Day 36 and a very busy weekend! I went for my run yesterday morning and shocked myself at how fast I was. It wasn't my fastest ever and it wasn't easy, as running never is, but I do feel like I am making big strides in the right direction now and it feels great! I felt on a high for most of the day!

We went on the train to Bristol and then the drinking thoughts made their appearance - how I wouldn't have anything to look forward to if I couldn't have a drink, how it wouldn't be the same, blah blah blah. But I carried on with my day and predictably the thoughts passed. The thing is, in the past, our visits to Bristol would have involved me engineering a visit to the pub for lunch as soon as we got off the train, just so I could have a couple of glasses of wine to start my "holiday". Then drinking at least 2 to 3 larges glasses of wine in the restaurant with our meal in the evening.

This time we bought our lunch from Sainsburys - £3 each and I had one lemon San Pellegrino (£2.50) with my dinner in the restaurant. Just the sheer amount of money we saved by me not drinking shocked me, to be honest. Again, it was strange sitting down to dinner and not ordering wine but after 30 years of ordering alcohol nearly every time I've been near a pub or restaurant, I know that this brainwashing is going to take some undoing and I need to keep carving these new neural pathways!

We had a lovely evening though, full of laughter. Out of 5 of us, 3 people were drinking but no one was drinking wine anyway, just beer. I was glad that I wasn't the only one not drinking though!

Today I feel really shattered though, and like I have a hangover oddly! However, I put that down to sleeping in a different bed and us falling asleep and forgetting to switch the heating off. I also drank a hell of a lot of caffeine yesterday which really doesn't suit me and I think this may have contributed. It's made me realise that I need to stick to my caffeine free alternatives where possible, and make sure I carry supplies with me when I go away!

I've had a little sleep this afternoon and a lovely bubbly bath while reading my new kindle. I am reading the blog "A Hangover Free Life" and finding it very good. I can really relate. And I do feel proud of myself. I am really doing this!

nannytomany

Hi, there, firstly well done on your non drinking path, much admiration. I am a Pinot drinker and really enjoy it, at the moment I am trying not to drink during the week, am at Slimming W and the syns are enormous for wine, and I can't do one or two it has to be a bottle. I don't really go out so was drinking at home, and it got to the point where I would panic if I didn't have a bottle for that night, at a fiver a night that was £35 a week I could put to good use (like my debts). I still like a drink but will try and stick to a Saturday night for a bottle and see where it goes from there. Good luck to you.

Chardonnay

Hi nannytomany!

Well done for cutting out the drinking in the week. I've done Weight Watchers a few times and the amount of points I used to use on drink is ridiculous, so I completely know where you're coming from with Slimming World. Much better to use those points on yummy food

It sounds like you'll save a lot of money by cutting back too and no doubt will enjoy it all the more when you do drink because it will feel like a treat, rather than a habit.

Good luck!

Chardonnay

Day 37 - tired today. I still seem to feel knackered on a Monday even now I'm not drinking! Maybe not quite as rubbish as I used to though? I don't know.

So I am now looking ahead to Saturday, for my biggest test to date. My best friend is having a charity fund raising do - a cocktails and karaoke night. It's around 40 miles away and we originally booked into a hotel, which cost £80. However, once I started my non drinking quest, one of the first things I did was cancel the hotel and decided to drive instead. That's a big positive as we have a lot of expense coming up so it's great to know we've saved £80 straight off, along with the money saved by me not quaffing wine and cocktails on the night!

I would be lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive about the night and I'm not looking forward to it as much as I was when I thought I would be drinking. The reasons for feeling like this are:

1. My best friends are going to be there and we have always enjoyed a few drinks together.
2. It's a cocktails night so sort of revolves around drink!
3. It's also a karaoke night and my name has already been put down to sing. I started singing karaoke in my 20's and was well known for always needing a few wines to be have the guts to get up there (as I've mentioned before I'm quite shy and self conscious really). People marvelled at my ability to knock the wine back at a ridiculous rate and then sing! I never sang sober. Then I started singing with a band. They were three great years with an amazing bunch of people but it was a real drinking culture and again, I never sang sober. Drink was a huge part of those three years and I joked when we split up that it was just as well because I would have ended up in rehab! I could write a book about the stupid things I did around that time because of drink (leaving the band's takings in a taxi, stumbling on stage are just two that come to mind ).

I love singing and now that I'm in my 40's I am definitely more confident than I was then and not so worried what people think of me. People are going to be so shocked at me being sober though, and singing sober!! Arrgh, that thought makes me very nervous!!

I know I will get through it and I know I won't drink. I guess I just hope that I can still relax and enjoy myself? This is the sort of night that I would have so looked forward to in the past and I want to still feel like that won't be taken away from me?