No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

nannytomany

I'm very shy too, and remember doing a Karaoke a few years ago, to my daughters horror, I was stone cold sober but had always wanted to do it, so grabbed the mike and sang day dream believer, I still smile when I hear that, how awkward I was, but I did it, and yet another time I got out of my comfort zone, once you do something once, it gets easier, as you know from your non drinking days, hope you really enjoy it sober x

Honey_Bear

Well, Chardonnay, you know you can do it, so you don't need the Dutch Courage any more. That's how I'd think of it in your shoes, but even drunk I can't do karaoke. Years ago I tried to duet once with OH late in the evening and discovered that he'd switched the microphone off deliberately and no-one noticed because they were all !!!!!!. I think it will probably be like everything else has been since you gave up the booze - much less frightening once you're actually doing it than you thought it would be.

Chardonnay

Hi nannytomany! Well done for plucking up the courage to sing - and sober too! I love Daydream Believer too! And that's the thing isn't it, getting out of our comfort zone. And you are right, that once you do something once, it gets easier.

You've made me think. I have got out of my comfort zone a few times since stopping drinking. Just dealing with emotions head on instead of numbing my brain with drink is one way that I'm doing that. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit vulnerable and exposed, but also brave! Not sure if that makes sense but just my profound thought for this morning!

Have a great day!

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Well, Chardonnay, you know you can do it, so you don't need the Dutch Courage any more. That's how I'd think of it in your shoes, but even drunk I can't do karaoke. Years ago I tried to duet once with OH late in the evening and discovered that he'd switched the microphone off deliberately and no-one noticed because they were all !!!!!!. I think it will probably be like everything else has been since you gave up the booze - much less frightening once you're actually doing it than you thought it would be.

Morning HB! Yes you are right, I do know that I can do it. Ha ha, sorry that made me laugh that your OH had switched the microphone off and no one noticed! Yes I'm sure it won't be half as bad as I'm imaging in my head. It's only 3 or 4 minutes out of my life and I'm sure I'll get through it

And actually, I love singing, and could sing long before I started drinking. Drinking just gave me the courage to get up and sing in public. But it's false courage. And hopefully I will sing better without being blotto!

Another cringeworthy memory from when I was in the band. We played at my dad's 60th birthday party and all the family and a lot of my friends were there. Everything was going great until I got drunk and absolutely murdered a song. I knew I shouldn't have sang it in the first place. It was too high for me, but the band convinced me I could do it. I could just about do it if I was in full control of my voice but of course I wasn't as I was p****ed and screamed it out. I thought it sounded great to my drunk ears but there were several comments about it after and people still remember it to this day. (It was in 1999 ) I felt that all my good singing went out the window and that's all that people remember about it.

I can still remember the mortification the next day as it dawned on me that I'd made a complete fool of myself. In fact, I can still feel the mortification typing this now! Sometimes we just need to face up to these things though to help us on our journey.

Anyway, off for a run with my dad now to try to rid that memory from my mind! Let Day 38 commence!

Honey_Bear

I don't miss the mortification AT ALL. I think pretty much anyone who decides that it's time to boot the booze out of their lives has had an experience like yours, Chardonnay, when we convinced ourselves what we were doing made sense while we were doing it. That 'Oh God, what did I do last night and why did I do it?' was part of my life for a long time.

There are a few things I've accepted since I stopped, the first being that although other people do remember what you did, they're nowhere near as harsh as you are on yourself. It helps all of us be gentle on those around us if we learn to live with our mistakes gracefully. I'm pretty certain the people that remember your night of the 1000 screeches as terrific entertaining, even if not necessarily for the way you intended it. Finally, let's be real here - no one got hurt, no one ended up in hospital or the morgue, you sang a song.

And its entertainment value has lasted all this time if people remember the event that well!

You're doing absolutely brilliantly and I'm dead chuffed that you've got this far! Have you heard from Belle yet?

Chardonnay

Hi HB. Yes, I've had a few of those moments in the past, believe me! You are right, they are something that I won't miss!


Ha ha, I hadn't really thought about it like that before! I have always worried so much about what people think of me and am really hard on myself. Someone mentioned it recently but he was laughing about it and I'm sure he wouldn't have said it to be nasty. I laughed if off myself but deep down thought "God, do people still remember that?!!" You are right, no one got hurt (apart from their ears!) and we need to try to take ourselves less seriously sometimes.


Thank you! That really means a lot! No I haven't. I'm on her mailing list and getting emails but nothing to say I'm joining the challenge yet.


I have taken a lot from the emails already though, and other peoples experiences. And talking of Belle, my run went great this morning, but at 3.5k my mind started telling me to stop. I decided to treat the voice in my head as Wolfie and swore at him - he wasn't going to stop me achieving my goal! It's strange with running. It is very much a mental thing and it struck me today that it is so similar to Wolfie whispering negative thoughts into your ear.


And I just wanted to say that it was my second fastest run ever and I was only 4 seconds off my PB. I tell you, the best bottle of wine in the world couldn't compare to the sense of accomplishment that I feel right now! I am under no illusions that I would not have been able to achieve this if I'd still been drinking. It really makes it all worthwhile!

Chardonnay

Day 39. Feeling a bit up and down at the moment. One minute I am euphoric about not drinking, the next I am feeling very sad. It started when my best friend and I were looking at dresses for Saturday night on the internet and I still kept getting that feeling that it "won't be the same" because I'm not drinking. Then I watched a Place in the Sun last night (I love that programme, my dream is to buy a holiday place abroad one day ) and they were drinking Champagne in the sunshine and I really wanted a glass! I think maybe I shouldn't watch that programme at the moment as it always makes me feel sad about not drinking for some reason! I think it's the thought of not being able to sit outside the bars and restaurants having a glass of wine in the sunshine etc.

But I do know that I feel so much better in myself physically and mentally and I really don't want to ruin that. So I say to myself that I'm not drinking for 100 days and will go back to drinking after that if I want to. Telling my brain that I won't ever drink again is too much for it I think!

I am going to download Louise Black's book about how to enjoy social occasions without a drink. I'm still reading Allen Carr's book but finding it a bit hard going at the moment and will be glad when I've finished it. I will keep persevering though!

Tomorrow I have to take my dad to get his scan results and I am extremely nervous about that.

Anyway, for today, I just will not drink.

Honey_Bear

I think I stopped feeling sad about not being able to enjoying looking forward to holidays, days out, celebrations and all of those other excuses for drinking when I'd racked up a few experiences of going out, not drinking with the people who were, and walking away from it at the end of the evening feeling fine.


The tipping point was when I recognised that had happened often enough for me to recognise the number of times I would have stayed on, drank a lot more than I should, and then walked home feeling as though I'd let myself down, that I was going to feel $h!t in the morning, that I'd written off the following day already, that I was furious with OH and was about to pick a really nasty fight with him for no reason at all - other than I'd had too much to drink.


That pattern was terrifyingly normal until the last time it happened and even I knew it couldn't go on. I can't remember all of the details of that night, but I remember enough.


So, do I look forward and regret not being able to drink - NO! I know that sitting in the sun sipping champagne is the illusion for me. My reality is described in pretty accurate detail above because I never, ever stopped at the one glass of champagne.


Hang on in there, Chardonnay. It gets easier. The up and down feeling you're experiencing is Belle's Wolfie. You've already proven to yourself that taking that sucker on is worthwhile and pays huge dividends even in the short term, so imagine how gratifying it will be when you've racked up a few more days and weeks.


It is absolutely fine to do the 100 Day Challenge and then go back to drinking if that's what you decide is right for you. I won't, but at least I had a choice after the 100 Days, which was more than I had when I embarked on it.

MarylandCookie_2

Hi Chardonnay, how's things? It's been a long week, I'm glad it's Friday tomorrow. What have you got planned for the weekend? X

nannytomany

Chardonnay wrote: »

Hi nannytomany! Well done for plucking up the courage to sing - and sober too! I love Daydream Believer too! And that's the thing isn't it, getting out of our comfort zone. And you are right, that once you do something once, it gets easier.

You've made me think. I have got out of my comfort zone a few times since stopping drinking. Just dealing with emotions head on instead of numbing my brain with drink is one way that I'm doing that. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit vulnerable and exposed, but also brave! Not sure if that makes sense but just my profound thought for this morning!

Have a great day!

It does make so much sense, I've not shared this before, but 7 and a half years ago our daughter died, and we took on her 3 year old boy (of course) drink helped(?) me numb the pain but I couldn't drink too much because of school the next day so I kept it in check, but still a bottle and sometime a half as well of wine everynight sure makes you feel groggy, this week I have managed to get to Thursday (the day when I cave) and still sipping my diet coke as we speak, am going to try the whole week but I do so enjoy the taste and sometimes I think what else is there (I do have a great family with as my name mentions a few (6) grandchildren) and am very lucky to have a lovely husband, so might have one Saturday but that isn't too bad is it? Sorry for the outpour but it nice to talk to another drinker, I think your doing so well, carry on and as hard as it is facing those emotions are the greatest things you can do, much love sent.