No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Honey_Bear

nannytomany wrote: »

ps forgot to say thanks to Honey Bear for the "hugs" a page back, will look for you diary too x

No worries, NannytoMany. I don't have a diary, I just colonise other people's!

Chardonnay wrote: »

He has said to me today that he isn't drinking like that again, which I am pleased about. I'm not anti drinking at all, and will say again I will never try and impose my will on anyone else. I'm almost going out of my way to stress that others must do what's right for them.

OH drinks about a third of the amount he used to drink when Ie was drinking. It's entirely his choice and although I'm pleased for him, that's not what my decision to stop altogether was about and like your OH, mine doesn't get nasty etc etc as I did. He tied one on good and proper a couple of weeks ago, and I'd known he was going to when I left him with the others in the pub. As it doesn't affect my life negatively who am I to judge him?

Chardonnay wrote: »

I had an email off Belle last night. There is finally a space for me on the 100 day challenge! I am proud to have got to day 44 without it but this will certainly give me a great boost.

It does make a difference and I couldn't have done the first 100 Days without her, so I'm glad you've reached the top of her waiting list. I don't know what the drop out rate is, but the number of people who are racking up 100, 200, 365+ Days on her lists are wonderful to see. Good on you for sticking with it this far, it's a hell of an achievement.

Chardonnay

Hi HB! Exactly, we have to make decisions for ourselves and I'm really conscious of not being holier than thou and someone that people avoid because I'm lecturing them on the dangers of drink I am pleased that my OH has said he isn't going to drink like that again, because I hated seeing him like that and hate to think what it does to your health. However, that's a decision he's come to by himself. I want him to relax and drink as he does. He doesn't have a problem with drink like I used to. He never drinks at home now. He only used to bother because I did, and even then, sometimes he wouldn't bother at all.

Belle is amazing and I am already feeling the benefits of being part of her challenge. It amazes me the amount of work that she puts in. I am on Day 45 now and feeling really good about not drinking at the moment. I'm really looking forward to going on holiday on Thursday and at the moment don't feel daunted about not drinking at all, but know that I will have my moments! One day at a time though!

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

I am on Day 45 now and feeling really good about not drinking at the moment. I'm really looking forward to going on holiday on Thursday and at the moment don't feel daunted about not drinking at all, but know that I will have my moments! One day at a time though!

That is a really, really interesting comment, and as soon as I read it I wanted to go back to your early days and compare it to your early postings about your holiday. I haven't, I'm going to wait for you to do so, because I seem to remember you were dreading it, wondering if you could enjoy it without booze. It's one of the reasons I posted so often on the Giving Up / Cutting Down thread, I suppose, wanting my own record of my realisations and reflections on the whole process of stopping so I'm not sure if it's of interest to you. (It is to me!)


The turning point, it seems to me, is having a big night out with friends that you used to base around alcohol, and discovering that the alcohol isn't actually necessary in order to have a good time. I'm learning to trust that feeling.


Put simply, we're just not the same person any more once we discover it.

Chardonnay

Thanks HB. You really have hit the nail on the head with your last post. Saturday night was definitely a real turning point for me. Everything suddenly seems so much easier. I was talking to my OH about it and hit me also that if I had have drank on Saturday night and we'd stayed over, not only would we have been the last people at the party, but we would then have gone into the bar, carried on drinking, stumbled up to bed and then I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed for breakfast the next morning and struggled to drive home. This was a common pattern for me. I really don't want to go back to that life again. I feel like I've been conned by alcohol all these years and all it took was one night without it to open my eyes.

I've had a few thoughts over these 6.5 weeks that I didn't really have a problem with alcohol and that stopping drinking is extreme but writing these things down just reminds me that I really did have a problem!

You are right that I was very apprehensive about going on holiday without drinking. Now I really feel I'll be ok. I still have the odd thought but the obsessing has definitely stopped. I am not particularly looking forward to the flight and don't really like flying and previously would have a couple of drinks to relax, always making sure that I booked seats as near as possible to the front of the plane so we'd be served quickly - drink problem me?! Noooooo!!!! So that will be one challenge but I'm sure I'll be ok.

The longer I am AF the more I like it. I would be very annoyed with myself if I went back to drinking now!

Honey_Bear

This is uncanny.

Chardonnay wrote: »

Everything suddenly seems so much easier. I was talking to my OH about it and hit me also that if I had have drank on Saturday night and we'd stayed over, not only would we have been the last people at the party, but we would then have gone into the bar, carried on drinking, stumbled up to bed and then I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed for breakfast the next morning and struggled to drive home. This was a common pattern for me. I really don't want to go back to that life again. I feel like I've been conned by alcohol all these years and all it took was one night without it to open my eyes.

....

The longer I am AF the more I like it. I would be very annoyed with myself if I went back to drinking now!

It isn't that I disagree with anything that you've said in the rest of that post, but this: That is exactly how it was and is for me and how I feel all the time.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

There are naysayers out there who you might come across who refer to this fabulous feeling as The Pink Cloud. Apparently it passes and then we feel so grim that we start drinking again. Well, that's as maybe - FOR THEM.

It hasn't passed for me and once again, this morning, I woke up without a headache or a nagging feeling I'd let myself down last night, I went downstairs to a tidy kitchen (I won't go so far as to say it's 'clean' but it looks pretty presentable), and life without booze still feels marvellous. Today is Day 250.

MarylandCookie_2

Hey Chardonnay and HB, wow, that's all just wow. I feel really in awe of how well you are both doing, especially Chardonnay at such an early start on your journey. I feel like I want to join you, I really do, but feel worried in case I can't and I fail and just can't cope with the failure. I had a blip at the weekend, I did drink, and not moderately either.

The test for me is Easter, couple of social things that I'm determined to drive for, and not drink. I'm just struggling to think I'm not going to drink again. Like you Chardonnay I've got a holiday coming up soon and having a drink has always been an integral part of the break. There's so much going on in my mind, but it's brilliant, really brilliant to see how well you are doing, and thinking, hoping that could be me xxxx

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

This is uncanny.



It isn't that I disagree with anything that you've said in the rest of that post, but this: That is exactly how it was and is for me and how I feel all the time.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

There are naysayers out there who you might come across who refer to this fabulous feeling as The Pink Cloud. Apparently it passes and then we feel so grim that we start drinking again. Well, that's as maybe - FOR THEM.

It hasn't passed for me and once again, this morning, I woke up without a headache or a nagging feeling I'd let myself down last night, I went downstairs to a tidy kitchen (I won't go so far as to say it's 'clean' but it looks pretty presentable), and life without booze still feels marvellous. Today is Day 250.

Thank you HB! It is great to hear that for you the great feeling never passed. I really hope I will be the same! I guess it's the way we look at it isn't it? That's why I try not to say I'm giving up alcohol as straight away it makes it sound like I'm being deprived of something that I enjoy. I say that I am stopping drinking or just not drinking for a while depending on who I'm talking to.

I can imagine that lovely morning after feeling never wears thin! It's surely at those times that we really feel the full benefits of not drinking!

Well done on Day 250 - that is so amazing!!! You really are an inspiration! :T

Chardonnay

MarylandCookie wrote: »

Hey Chardonnay and HB, wow, that's all just wow. I feel really in awe of how well you are both doing, especially Chardonnay at such an early start on your journey. I feel like I want to join you, I really do, but feel worried in case I can't and I fail and just can't cope with the failure. I had a blip at the weekend, I did drink, and not moderately either.

The test for me is Easter, couple of social things that I'm determined to drive for, and not drink. I'm just struggling to think I'm not going to drink again. Like you Chardonnay I've got a holiday coming up soon and having a drink has always been an integral part of the break. There's so much going on in my mind, but it's brilliant, really brilliant to see how well you are doing, and thinking, hoping that could be me xxxx

Hi MC! Thanks so much for your lovely comments. I think we have all been where you are and it's hard for me to advise you whether to stop or not but for me something just kind of clicked in my head (early days still I know). I really wanted to give up this time and I do think you really need to want to and to commit to it. I think that trying not to think about failure and just telling yourself that you will take it one day at a time really helps. I also think that reading books and blogs help too. I read Allen Carr's book last year but before I finished it knew that I wasn't ready to stop drinking. I came to that decision in my own time because for me, alcohol really was starting to ruin the quality of my life.

I think the thought of never drinking again is really too much for our brains to process at the moment. This holiday felt like a major obstacle to me, but now I have a good few sober days under my belt (and Saturday night which was a massive step forward for me) it doesn't feel as scary. I think this holiday will be different, and I will be doing different things because it won't be revolving around drink. I know that it will feel strange at times, but I hope that I will actually enjoy the holiday more by being fully present, not feeling knackered and grumpy and having the whole holiday revolve around alcohol and how much of it I can get down my neck. Recent holidays I haven't felt relaxed about drink either because it's really started to catch up with me physically and mentally and so I've had a battle with myself not to drink too much as I know it'll make me feel rubbish. I won't miss that at all!

You will find your own way MC, I think we all do in the end and find what is right for us. HB was such a massive inspiration to me on the Cutting Down Alcohol thread. It was great to see how much she was enjoying life without the booze and it made me realise it was possible.

Hope you have a lovely Easter MC whatever you do! :cool:

Chardonnay

Day 47 and holiday today! Had a few panicky thoughts yesterday about not drinking on holiday. The amount of people (who don't know I'm not drinking) that said to have a big glass of wine for them etc....! :mad: I feel I have made big steps forward though. Talking to my sister in law just a week ago I said I will have a drink on holiday if I really want one (although I hoped I wouldn't drink). Now in conversation with her yesterday I said I wouldn't be drinking on holiday and would be getting lots of AF options in. She said she'd join me in some mocktails sometimes

Feeling fine about it today though. Saturday night proved to me I can go out and not drink and still have a good time. This holiday is another massive first for me. I am sure not drinking will become more the norm for me on the next one.

I've finished Allen Carr's book now. I did take a lot from it so pleased I read it. I've nearly finished Rachel Black's book - brilliant and has helped me a lot! I've downloaded Lucy Rocca's book - The Sober Revolution. She's the founder of Soberistas and it's meant to be very good, so lots to read!

I will try to still log in as much as possible and let you know how I'm doing. Hope you all have a lovely Easter and enjoy the break! Thanks for all your support, it means so much! :T

Honey_Bear

Have a lovely, lovely holdiay Chardonnay. Just take it one day at a time, savour them enjoying yourself and you'll be absolutely fine.