No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Honey_Bear

Hi DalleDF! :wave:


I wouldn't have been able to get this far without the support of the Giving Up / Cutting Down thread, but if it doesn't work for you and being here does - be here! Whatever works is the right thing, and it sounds as though you've figured that out for yourself, with a little bit here, and a little bit there.


I was trying to remember when it first occurred to me that I shouldn't be drinking as much as I was, and I thought it was probably about 10 years ago. I looked up a date, yesterday, and discovered it was back in 2000, so, actually, 15 years ago. During that 15 years I can't remember a single week going by when I didn't set myself a moderation target - two nights alcohol free, two glasses of wine a night, beer instead of red wine, gin and tonic instead of red wine, you name it, I tried it. So, I get, completely where you're coming from with needing to be AF. Anyone who can do the 100 Day Challenge and come out the other side is doing considerably better than I ever did, by 99 Days, if I'm honest.


You can do this, so welcome aboard.

MarylandCookie_2

Lots of hugs from me too Chardonnay, cant offer any words of wisdom, I look to Honey Bear for that, what a brilliant post. But wanted to tell you I'm not disappointed, let down or upset, we're all on our own journey, and it's great we're here to support each other.

Thank you for posting, and have a wonderful rest of your holiday xxx

MarylandCookie_2

Hey everyone, hope your all ok. I'm just back from a night out, I decided early on in the week after my blip last weekend that I was going to drive. I'm glad I did, but I'm home now and I feel really low.

One of my friends gave me a hard time about driving and said how disappointed she was I wasn't drinking. I told her I was fine, and happy to drive, but she seemed disappointed. she then went on to say something hurtful and I was a bit sharp with her, which I now feel awful about, I should have just let it go. By the end of the night she was very drunk, and barely spoke to me.

Then as the night went on everyone got drunker and drunker, and I felt glad it wasn't me, but then kept thinking how drunk I've been in the past, the embarrassment and shame just flooded over me. Will I ever stop beating myself up about things I've said and done, the way I've acted when I've had a drink?

I'm home now with a cuppa, and just mulling things over. I'm seeing the same friends on Sunday, and I've already said I'm driving, but they are adamant I'm not, and that we're all having a drink, and I feel, some how that they think I've spoiled tonight by not drinking.

I want to feel really happy and positive, but instead I feel rubbish.

Sorry to be so negative, any ideas on how to handle situations like this?

Night night all xx

Honey_Bear

Oh dear, Maryland Cookie. It sounds as though your friends weren't behaving like friends and that's always hurtful.

As to past behaviour, it's just that - in the past. We've all done it, and as much as you are feeling about it, your friends should be tonight. And some of them will and you will be absolutely fine with that because good people apologise, forgive and move on.

There are those that are perfectly good people when sober and complete ar$3hol3$ when drunk and they think that's okay. The trick is to not be around those people when they're drunk unless you don't mind them being a***holes. It appears you do, and that's fine - I would, too.

Your life, your body, your choice. If you want to drink, go ahead, if you don't - don't. It is not up to other people to tell us what to eat and what and when to drink. We are adults, we make our own choices and we respect each other's choices. And that's what this is about - Respect.

If anyone makes a thing about me not drinking, I always make a point of saying that I don't mind what anyone else does and my not drinking isn't about them - it's about me. For some reason one or two people have decided they want to argue about whether I should drink or not, which I find totally, totally weird.

To be blunt, which we're never allowed to be but it helps me to think it just the same, 'It's none of their go**da*n business.' And because I'm sober, I don't say it out loud.

How, in the real world, does your not drinking ruin their evening? If it's because they think you are judging them, that's up to them and their paranoia, because you're not, unless they're unkind to you because friends are not unkind to friends.

One of the things about stopping drinking is that we find, unfortunately, that some of the poeple we thought were friends aren't. You would have found out sooner or late that they weren't at some point anyway. It's actually not about the booze, but they want to blame it on that - which is their choice.

MarylandCookie_2

Thanks for your wise words and comments HB, much appreciated. I've read a fair bit on the sober blogs about friends reactions, and I know it says a lot more about their drinking habits and how they feel about themselves, than about me.

You're absolutely right, it is my life, my body and my choice and they should respect it, just as I would respect their wishes/decisions. I didn't judge any of my friends for their choices last night, it's their choice at the end of the day - or night! And I respect that.

dalleDF

Cookie, what a shame your friends were not behaving like supportive friends should. I had a similar thing, but there was really only one person who was giving me sh*t and saying I was lame, and when I looked at how he drinks, it was really unhealthy (he was a massive binger and then he would do things like 'tactical puking' so he could drink more) so it makes sense to me that he was just feeling threatened by my 'shining a light' on his bad habits and like I was judging him. This happens even when you are not bragging about your not drinking or saying a single word about someone else's drinking!

I compared his reaction on that night out to a group of my other male friends I want out with around day 20 or 30 who happily asked for a cappuccino for me in a crowded pub on a Saturday night. My dad is a really big drinker but he brought me an orange juice back from the bar at a family wedding without me asking for it because he is supportive, even if he doesn't really understand my decision. My partner will ask the waiters in restaurants to take away the wine glasses. etc etc. Your real friends will not make mean comments at a time when you are a bit fragile anyway because you are trying to do a difficult but positive thing in your life.

I would suggest you take a rain check on your Sunday plans with these same friends as they have already decided they will try to force you to drink. Why should you put yourself through that? I'd stay in with a herbal tea and watch Netflix if I were you!

Honey_Bear

dalleDF wrote: »

I would suggest you take a rain check on your Sunday plans with these same friends as they have already decided they will try to force you to drink. Why should you put yourself through that? I'd stay in with a herbal tea and watch Netflix if I were you!

Excellent advice. I have to say, I was pretty picky about where I went and who I went with for the first ... ooooooh ... 100 Days after I gave up. I still don't bother if it's just a pi$$-up, not because I don't approve, but because I've got a shedload of stuff I want to do and I'd rather be doing my stuff than watching people get !!!!!!.

On the other hand, if the idea is a group of friends getting together and enjoying each other's company and they happen to get !!!!!!, I'd probably enjoy it. I'd also be okay with leaving early if the evening were getting raucous.

There is one other thing I feel compelled to say, and it feels awful saying it but I think I'm going to anyway. Can you completely trust your friends, drunk or sober, not to pop a vodka in your soft drink? Some people think it's absolutely hilarious; they'd be the ones that are disrespectful of other's life choices.

Chardonnay

Hello! Just a quick update as typing on my tablet is a nightmare and need to get outside! Just to say thank you so much for your support. The warmth and encouragement from you all is amazing and made me feel quite emotional! I haven't drank since or even wanted to. I feel my slip was meant to happen to make me realise I wasn't missing anything. Good to get it out the way early on and enjoy the holiday. The holiday has been different - going out to dinner the biggest challenge but Spain has a great selection of AF drinks! Been running, meditating, sleeping loads.I actually feel this is a life changing holiday for me and have felt quite euphoric at times!

MC so sorry for your experience with your "friend". It says so much more about them and their hang ups than you. I agree with the others great advice, I would try to avoid where possible. Put yourself and your well being first.

Hope you are all ok and having a lovely Easter and thanks so much again for your support, you don't know how much it means to me! Xx

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

I haven't drank since or even wanted to. I feel my slip was meant to happen to make me realise I wasn't missing anything.

Good. I can stop worrying about you now. Thank you so much for updating us, Charonnay. I've been thinking of you, checking your thread pretty much every couple of hours, hoping that you would post exactly what you've said! Belle stays in touch with people who are really, really struggling, it seems, from her comments on some of the blogs I read, so I don't think she's going to be all headmistressy with you and make you feel as though you have to start from scratch again. (I'm saying that because I've had an automated response to my daily emails to her to say she's having a break over Easter.)

And yes, I do know how much the support helps and means because without it I wouldn't be where I am now. The important thing is to pass it on to people, knowing that, I think.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday!

MarylandCookie_2

Morning all, lovely to wake up and see the sunshine, fills me full of joy.

Chardonnay, so good to hear from you. Like HB I've been thinking about you on holiday and hoping that you're ok and having a wonderful time - it sounds more than wonderful, running, meditating, sunshine and food - heaven!!

My day yesterday was fine, my friend from Friday night apologised for their behaviour. She went on to say that after the hangover from hell she also wanted to cut down. HB thank you for your concern about spiking my drinks, I'm as sure as I can be that wouldn't happen. We tend to go out wirh couples, and I enjoy their company, its a wide and varied mix, so I wouldn't want to forsake that because I'm not drinking, I'm happy to enjoy their company sober, and like you say get away early if it's too raucous.

Right, just off for a walk/jog/run in the sunshine with the doggy, OH is still snoozing in bed.

Have a lovely day all xx