No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

Thanks for the recommendation of the blog HB. There are so many great blogs out there. It got me thinking about all of the stupid things I've done over the years due to being drunk. I think I might keep a list privately though. Not sure I'm ready to air them publicly!

I follow Annie's blog too MC! I can really identify with her thought processes and find myself really rooting for her!

Day 20 for me now. The longest I've been without alcohol in years was 33 days which I did last October time so I've still got a couple of weeks to get into unknown territory. Hubby wants to go to the pub for tea tonight. I have to say that it doesn't have quite the same pull now I'm not drinking but I don't want to be boring, and him to suffer just because I'm not drinking! I know that I won't drink, there's no question of that. I guess the more I get used to going out and not drinking, the easier it will be, and with eating too that does make it easier.

Have a great weekend all! :cool:

Dansmam

Hey Chardonnay, I'm another one who's signed up with Belle, am l hoping an early lent blip won't kick me out. Becks blue passes the glug test for me too,so sticking with that. Proud of you and working to post so you can be proud of me. If you don't mind me barging in x
DM

Honey_Bear

It's great that so many people are finding Belle's blog. I honestly don't know quite how she does it, but I'm a huge fan and will be forever grateful to her. As I am to everyone on the Giving Up/Cutting Down Thread - to be honest those are the two places that made stopping altogether possible for me. The blogs were a diversion to keep my mind busy while I was reading them in the early days and not thinking about personally not drinking; now I read them because I want to know how the writer is doing.


I've found Annie's blog A Dappled Path heart-breaking. I've left several comments for her but found that she interpreted them as a criticism and I absolutely didn't mean that to happen. I'm not a tough-love type but I think she took some of my comments that way which is sad.

Chardonnay

Dansmam wrote: »

Hey Chardonnay, I'm another one who's signed up with Belle, am l hoping an early lent blip won't kick me out. Becks blue passes the glug test for me too,so sticking with that. Proud of you and working to post so you can be proud of me. If you don't mind me barging in x
DM

Hey Dansmam! :hello: Lovely to see you! I'm sure Belle won't kick you out for a blip - she seems so encouraging and understanding. I'm still on the waiting list but I love her emails. She's just so real and she feels our pain!

What a lovely thing to say! I'm proud of you too and you're not barging in at all! It's lovely to have your company on this journey through all the ups and downs. We can support each other!

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

It's great that so many people are finding Belle's blog. I honestly don't know quite how she does it, but I'm a huge fan and will be forever grateful to her. As I am to everyone on the Giving Up/Cutting Down Thread - to be honest those are the two places that made stopping altogether possible for me. The blogs were a diversion to keep my mind busy while I was reading them in the early days and not thinking about personally not drinking; now I read them because I want to know how the writer is doing.


I've found Annie's blog A Dappled Path heart-breaking. I've left several comments for her but found that she interpreted them as a criticism and I absolutely didn't mean that to happen. I'm not a tough-love type but I think she took some of my comments that way which is sad.

Hi HB! Belle does seem amazing. She sent me a list of sober ideas in the post the other day (She sent me an email to ask if I wanted her to). I couldn't believe how quickly I received it! Totally amazing and she really should win an award for all of the help she's given to people. I can't wait to get to the top of her waiting list!

Yes I know that Annie struggles a lot. I recognise her thought processes and it's so easy to sabotage ourselves. It's such a hard thing to do, stopping drinking. I really hope she does it. Also, it can be difficult with the written word and it's easy to take things the wrong way. I'm sure she does appreciate your support and sometimes we need tough love. I think that works for me when it comes to this to be honest!

Chardonnay

So Day 21 for me and I feel......great! I really do actually feel physically great today. I know I won't every day so not getting carried away and the sunshine sure helps but it's so encouraging to feel good, with no hangover in sight!

We didn't go to the pub in the end last night. I was actually quite looking forward to it but hubby was late home and it was a bit late to go in the end so we had a takeaway instead. I have also ducked out of the night out I was supposed to be going on tonight. I just didn't fancy it and there were lots of people going out who I didn't know. The girl who asked me is absolutely lovely, which is why I wanted to go and another friend was going so I've suggested that we meet up for a meal one night instead. Most of them are 10 years younger than me so I don't want to be like everyone's granny! Luckily they were really understanding about it and like the meal idea.

Today has been lovely and productive. I was up at 6am and did parkrun at 9. Had a coffee after with my dad and friends then went back to dad's and spent time with him. I got loads of housework done this afternoon and am looking forward to a nice evening in, watching the Voice and catching up on some programmes we've recorded. My drink for tonight is Bottle Green. I might try the Elderflower one and I'm going to put it in a champagne glass as then it feels like a treat to me.

I have to be honest, I have had some fleeting thoughts where I've felt sad about not drinking - like last night, probably with it being a Friday night, and also this afternoon when I thought how nice it would be to sit out in a beer garden. But then I know if I really want to, I can have a Becks Blue anyway!

But it also came to me last night too that my life is a lot more, how can I put it - on an even keel now. I don't have the highs like I would get when I had a night out drinking (but it probably wasn't even that great at the time). But I also don't have the crashing lows - when I would wake up at 4am feeling awful, my heart racing, feeling panicky and ill and upset with myself. And the hangovers - feeling physically ill and anxious and depressed. Feeling like I didn't want to be in my own skin. Counting the hours away, just wanting to feel normal again, completely wasting the day. And actually, I could feel ill and shaky for days sometimes. No exercise, eating rubbish. Everything went out of the window because of drink.

Nope, I don't miss that. My glass of Bottle Green will do nicely tonight thanks

DawnW

Chardonnay wrote: »

I have to be honest, I have had some fleeting thoughts where I've felt sad about not drinking - like last night, probably with it being a Friday night, and also this afternoon when I thought how nice it would be to sit out in a beer garden. But then I know if I really want to, I can have a Becks Blue anyway!

But it also came to me last night too that my life is a lot more, how can I put it - on an even keel now. I don't have the highs like I would get when I had a night out drinking (but it probably wasn't even that great at the time). But I also don't have the crashing lows - when I would wake up at 4am feeling awful, my heart racing, feeling panicky and ill and upset with myself. And the hangovers - feeling physically ill and anxious and depressed. Feeling like I didn't want to be in my own skin. Counting the hours away, just wanting to feel normal again, completely wasting the day. And actually, I could feel ill and shaky for days sometimes. No exercise, eating rubbish. Everything went out of the window because of drink.

Nope, I don't miss that. My glass of Bottle Green will do nicely tonight thanks

This completely resonated with me Chardonnay. I used to wake up feeling exactly like this, and as you describe, sometimes it would go on for days I have cut down considerably over the last year, feel much better and have lost over a stone in weight. It really doesn't bother me now - I am not saying that I will completely give up and never have a glass of wine again, but I rarely buy it now. I was always a very picky drinker in any case - I don't like beer or spirits, and only really like a couple of types of white wine. Chardonnay was a favourite but I just don't think of / about it in the same way any more.

What brought it about for me was resigning from my stressfest of a job last April. I was drinking in the evenings to blot out the thought of work the next day. Suddenly, that trigger wasn't there any more, and the drinking tailed off. I do think about it sometimes, but usually the thought passes without my doing anything about it. Knowing that I can buy some if I really want to helps, as it doesn't have that 'forbidden fruit' aspect. And if I do have a drink, on a night out, or if friends are round for dinner (neither are regular occurrences) or with OH (who still drinks, but nothing like the extent to which I did) I am happy to have just one glass, but I don't often. I have a bottle of champagne in the larder at the moment, which has been there for weeks, but I have had no urge to open it. Squash or a coffee is fine.

Good luck with your journey, it is hard, isn't it? You are making great progress I honestly didn't realise why I was drinking until I didn't do it any more :rotfl: Is there something specific that triggers the urge to drink for you?

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

But it also came to me last night too that my life is a lot more, how can I put it - on an even keel now. I don't have the highs like I would get when I had a night out drinking (but it probably wasn't even that great at the time). But I also don't have the crashing lows - when I would wake up at 4am feeling awful, my heart racing, feeling panicky and ill and upset with myself. And the hangovers - feeling physically ill and anxious and depressed. Feeling like I didn't want to be in my own skin. Counting the hours away, just wanting to feel normal again, completely wasting the day. And actually, I could feel ill and shaky for days sometimes. No exercise, eating rubbish. Everything went out of the window because of drink.

Nope, I don't miss that. My glass of Bottle Green will do nicely tonight thanks

Day 225 here, and there is something that has only recently come to me that is never, ever mentioned anywhere else. I totally agree with you about the waking up at 4.00 am feeling bad in every way and I don't miss that at all.


But there is something else. I used to know even before I had the first drink that the chances of me actually achieving anything the following day were probably pretty negligible. I'd then think I'd better not drink as much as that, go ahead and do so more often than not, and then ... get nothing done the following day. I don't want to think about how long that was the way I lived.


Now, knowing that I had a planned evening out tonight to celebrate a really good friend's birthday, I knew before I went that I was going to be okay tomorrow. And I also know that I'm going to be okay after going for a late Sunday lunch tomorrow with other friends that I'm going to drive home and be okay during the evening and fine on Monday. It's like being given time. Fabulous.


The reality of writing off day after day after day was so ingrained that even now, on Day 225 which is why I mentioned it above, the habit of factoring out the day after a social event in my calculations and forward planning has to be corrected for my new way of life. How bad a habit was my drinking that I can stop boozing for over seven months and not miss it, but still forget that I don't have crippling hangovers any more?

Chardonnay

DawnW wrote: »

This completely resonated with me Chardonnay. I used to wake up feeling exactly like this, and as you describe, sometimes it would go on for days I have cut down considerably over the last year, feel much better and have lost over a stone in weight. It really doesn't bother me now - I am not saying that I will completely give up and never have a glass of wine again, but I rarely buy it now. I was always a very picky drinker in any case - I don't like beer or spirits, and only really like a couple of types of white wine. Chardonnay was a favourite but I just don't think of / about it in the same way any more.

What brought it about for me was resigning from my stressfest of a job last April. I was drinking in the evenings to blot out the thought of work the next day. Suddenly, that trigger wasn't there any more, and the drinking tailed off. I do think about it sometimes, but usually the thought passes without my doing anything about it. Knowing that I can buy some if I really want to helps, as it doesn't have that 'forbidden fruit' aspect. And if I do have a drink, on a night out, or if friends are round for dinner (neither are regular occurrences) or with OH (who still drinks, but nothing like the extent to which I did) I am happy to have just one glass, but I don't often. I have a bottle of champagne in the larder at the moment, which has been there for weeks, but I have had no urge to open it. Squash or a coffee is fine.

Good luck with your journey, it is hard, isn't it? You are making great progress I honestly didn't realise why I was drinking until I didn't do it any more :rotfl: Is there something specific that triggers the urge to drink for you?

Hi Dawn! Well done for having cut down. It sounds like you're in a really good place with alcohol now - like you've really changed your mindset. Well done on the weight loss too! :T There is so much sugar and so many empty calories in alcohol.

It sounds like resigning from your job was a very good move. Sometimes we need to get to the root cause of why we drink I guess and change what we can to take that reason for drinking away. You are so lucky that you can go out and have just one glass. I know I can't do that. I've tried time and time again and it never ends well! Your drinking habits are probably the ideal that we would all aspire to so well done for getting to that place

Thanks - it is hard at times. Sometimes I think it'll be impossible but those thoughts are gradually reducing now. More often I'm just so pleased and proud that I'm doing it. I have used drink to blot things out in the past. When my mum died two years ago I went through a few days of drinking every night and when my dad was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer a few weeks ago I started doing the same again. That contributed to my decision to have a good period without drinking because I didn't want to drift into using booze to cope. I was a bit of a wreck and knew that i needed to be really strong for my dad. I do feel so much stronger now and able to support him.

But mostly my drinking has been social. Having a few drinks on a night out, meal out, holiday or just spending time with family has been like second nature to me. I just don't have a stop button, or if I do manage to find it, I then feel deprived. I think I'm an all or nothing person really - the times I've promised myself I won't drink much and then have gone on to do the opposite! For instance, I found my diary from a year ago when I said I wasn't going to drink much on a night out but then estimated I drank 2 glasses of wine and 2 glasses of champers before we went out, then probably 6 large glasses of wine when we were out and at least two glasses of wine when we got home (most other people were sensible and switched to drinking tea then but not me, oh no! :mad:) I felt ill for a week and this was when I started to really question my drinking. These binging sessions have been a common theme over the years and my body just can't take it any more. When you add in that I have a dodgy kidney (which I was born with and only came to light 3 years ago) and anxiety problems (which I've finally started taking meds for which don't mix with alcohol), it became obvious that I needed to do something about my drinking. The above occasions have been fewer and further between as I've got older but still enough to be a problem!

Or like last August when I drank like a fish at my step-daughter's wedding and then couldn't get out of bed for breakfast the next morning at the hotel. Everyone knew why I didn't make it down - how embarrassing at my age!

Anyway, bet you wished you never asked now!

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Day 225 here, and there is something that has only recently come to me that is never, ever mentioned anywhere else. I totally agree with you about the waking up at 4.00 am feeling bad in every way and I don't miss that at all.


But there is something else. I used to know even before I had the first drink that the chances of me actually achieving anything the following day were probably pretty negligible. I'd then think I'd better not drink as much as that, go ahead and do so more often than not, and then ... get nothing done the following day. I don't want to think about how long that was the way I lived.


Now, knowing that I had a planned evening out tonight to celebrate a really good friend's birthday, I knew before I went that I was going to be okay tomorrow. And I also know that I'm going to be okay after going for a late Sunday lunch tomorrow with other friends that I'm going to drive home and be okay during the evening and fine on Monday. It's like being given time. Fabulous.


The reality of writing off day after day after day was so ingrained that even now, on Day 225 which is why I mentioned it above, the habit of factoring out the day after a social event in my calculations and forward planning has to be corrected for my new way of life. How bad a habit was my drinking that I can stop boozing for over seven months and not miss it, but still forget that I don't have crippling hangovers any more?

Hi HB! Day 225 - that is amazing! Nearly 8 months! :T What a great post - that is something I hadn't considered but you are so right! It's scary how easily we arranged our lives around alcohol. I know that I would never organise anything after a night out because I knew I'd feel too rough. Or I could never plan going for a run on a Sunday morning because I knew that I would have had a drink the night before.

Your post has helped me so much and I actually have a smile on my face because it's hit me that we now have freedom! Freedom to do what we want to do, to not live our lives around alcohol. I know it's early days for me yet (Day 22) but just pottering around this morning, doing little jobs, I found myself singing to myself. If I'd have still been drinking I'd have been languishing in bed feeling sorry for myself!

"It's like being given time" - what a great way to look at it! I guess the old brainwashing will be hard to break but every day we don't drink, it is gradually being reversed. Hope you had a nice time last night and have a lovely Sunday lunch today! Off out for a walk by the river and coffee and cake! :cool: