No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

*subscribes*


Good luck with it Chardonnay!


When I told my OH I was knocking drinking on the head, he said, 'But you'll be able to have champagne, won't you?' I loved the fact that he still wanted us to share celebrations and now that we have, with me on the alcohol-free sparkling and beer, he's totally okay with it. And he absolutely loves the fact that we've never had to have a taxi since, which is another money saver.


It is so, so worth it once you get used to the new regime.

Hello HB, lovely to see you here and thanks for the support! :hello:

Ah, yes I guess our OH's must wonder how life is going to change too and whether things will be the same. It's not so much fun drinking on your own! I think this will help me a lot, if I can drink alcohol free bubbly, especially out of a champagne glass - that will still feel like a treat to me, even with no alcohol in!

I have had a rubbish day today. I can honestly say that I have obsessed about drinking nearly all day. I drove myself absolutely crackers with thoughts of things never being the same again and how there's nothing to look forward to and how I will start drinking again when I'm on holiday or it won't be the same. How it's too drastic to just stop drinking and I don't drink that much anyway. But then when I actually thought about drinking I didn't want to! I ended up going for a walk at lunchtime and that did help but I still felt I had a black cloud hanging over me all afternoon.

My daughter wanted to go to the pub for tea and as she's had a few problems the last couple of days and had been feeling down, we didn't like to say no. I really didn't want to go - it was the last place I wanted to go after obsessing about booze all day but it was actually fine. I had a pint of shandy made with Becks Blue and quite enjoyed it (thank God for Becks Blue! ). It did feel a bit strange as I would usually have a couple of glasses of wine but it really wasn't bad at all and it's given me hope again that I can do this. I just really need to stop thinking of the future. I'm fine not drinking at home, it's just thinking of social events/my holiday to come. I just need to try to take this one day at a time and not let my brain sabotage me!

So hoping for a more positive update tomorrow for Day 12!

Honey_Bear

You've said before that it's going out without being able to drink alcohol that concerns you - and now you've done it and discovered that you didn't feel as deprived as you'd envisaged. So next time you do, you'll be better with it, and the time after that, you'll start to think, 'Hmm, maybe this isn't as bad as I thought in the days when I used to drink.' Well, you will if you're anything like me, because that's what happened to me.


The obsessing about not drinking is what I did for several weeks after stopping completely and I'd be quite happy lying to you and say it only happens for a week at most, but that wouldn't help you. (If it helped, I'd happily lie!) It passes, and the awareness of what you can't do diminishes and then the glorious day arrives when you realise that you won't be feeling rough in the morning on an occasion when, normally in the olden days, you'd have had maybe one more than was absolutely sensible.


In the end I think I just decided that not being able to do something that I used to think I enjoyed was a bit like not being able to run painlessly, not being able to draw anything that looks like it's supposed to, and not being able to walk the highwire across Niagara Falls - there are a lot of things I can do and some that I can't and that's okay.


You're doing brilliantly.

Chardonnay

Thanks HB. You are right, going out socially was always going to be the hardest thing for me. You give me hope that it will get easier! As you say, it wasn't half as bad as I was imagining - different yes, but I still enjoyed it all the same. I like your analogy about the Niagara Falls etc and about drinking just being one of those things that I can't do. There are still lots of things that I can do!

It's also good to know that I'm not alone in obsessing about drinking and thinking about what I can't do. I'm trying to turn that around in my head and think about the benefits rather than what I'm missing out on. When I think about the holiday now (which seems like the biggest obstacle in my mind at the moment) I am trying to think about how great I will feel after 10 days of sun and relaxation and no booze! I am thinking about swimming in the pool (we are staying in a villa with family with thankfully a heated pool!) reading some good books and eating good food. I am even going to take my running shoes, when normally there's no way I would be up to getting up and going for a run in the mornings! I am thinking how nice it will be to go home feeling refreshed rather than knackered as I usually do after drinking every night on holiday. I know everyone else will be drinking and that's fine of course, I'll still be able to chat and have a laugh, even if it means I don't sit around until the early hours putting the world to rights! It's just going to be different, not worse, just different.

I hardly thought about drinking yesterday, which was great. But I did feel exhausted and I still do today for some reason. I don't know if it's the side effects of my new meds or part of the detox process. I hope I start to feel better soon and really feel the benefit of not drinking!

Day 13 today - bring it on!

Chardonnay

Debt-wise, I really made a good dent into these last year and got them down to just over £10,600. I needed to in order to get my mortgage which I started paying at the end of October. Since then, these have obviously gone up a lot, but I bought a car for £5,500 and now have savings of £1,600 so that would account for the increase.

I know that it's generally advised to use savings to pay off debt, but since taking out my mortgage, I really want to build up a contingency fund. The credit card debt is all on 0% as is Littlewoods (which will be paid off soon anyway). The loan I took out with Halifax is 4.8% which I thought wasn't a bad interest rate at all. The plan is to pay £315 off the Barclaycard every month until November 2016 when my mortgage deal ends. It should then be cleared. I'll also have made a good dent into the loan and am hopeful at some point in the future, once I've got it down a bit that I might be offered a money transfer deal from Barclaycard at 0%, as I have been before. Hopefully that will help me to clear the loan.

I could be more aggressive with clearing my debts, but after a couple of years of scrimping running up to getting my mortgage, I really want to relax a bit and as long as they are all in control and are decreasing at a reasonable rate, I'm happy.

I was paid on Wednesday so have paid the £315 straight off my Barclaycard. Loan payment goes out on 3rd March and I'll make my Littlewoods payment as soon as I get the statement. Will look forward to updating my signature again! :cool:

cavework

Hi Chardonnay..
I have also quit drinking but unlike you I was drinking at home almost every night..
My LBM came when I was sitting in the Doctors waiting for a health check and saw this on their TV info screen , at first I was laughing and then the realisation dawned .. this was me !!!
I was also the same shape thanks to the booze
Now every time I feel like a drink I watch this...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0ASTxrSskA
Hope it helps
xx

Pippilongstocking

Hey there, great diary well done you! I'm on Belle's challenge too. Its really helped me.

Hugs and plenty of them.

Great video cavework.



Well done on 13 days!!!

Chardonnay

cavework wrote: »

Hi Chardonnay..
I have also quit drinking but unlike you I was drinking at home almost every night..
My LBM came when I was sitting in the Doctors waiting for a health check and saw this on their TV info screen , at first I was laughing and then the realisation dawned .. this was me !!!
I was also the same shape thanks to the booze
Now every time I feel like a drink I watch this...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0ASTxrSskA
Hope it helps
xx

Hi cavework! Thanks for the video link - brilliant! I particularly like the line about pouring poison down their throats for fun, or whatever they said. I will bookmark that and watch it if I feel like drinking.


Well done for quitting drinking. Hope you're feeling better for it! xx

Chardonnay

Hi Pippi! I didn't realise you were doing Belle's challenge too. I must have missed that on the other thread, sorry!


Really looking forward to getting to the end of that waiting list for Belle. It's good to have all the support we can get!


Thanks. Well done to you too!

Chardonnay

Day 14 and I feel great today! I am so happy to say that I feel better than I have for a long time. I know that may not be the case every day so I'm making the most of it

I had quite a good night's sleep last night and was up at 6.15am as I did parkrun. That was really good - I was slow but it was the first one since my op but I feel I am getting there. We then all went for coffee which was lovely. I am getting to like coffee more and more since stopping drinking. I still need to be careful as my kidney doesn't like too much caffeine but think I can probably get away with a couple a day. I'm thinking I might treat myself to a nice coffee machine at some point

So tonight is another test. We are meeting loads of my family for a curry. I am driving and I know I won't drink but I have to admit, I don't look forward to things like this as much now I'm not drinking. I guess that is normal at this stage? I thought I may have just one Red Bull for energy when I get there - I know they are bad, full of caffeine and sugar but the lesser of two evils for me at the mo! Then maybe a couple of Beck's Blue if they sell them - hope they do! Then maybe a coffee after the meal - caffeine overload! I don't really get the going out for a curry thing. I do like spicy food but find I feel quite bloated and uncomfortable after. The portions always seem so big! Well maybe now I'm not drinking, I'll have more room to fit the food in!

I hope the positivity continues!

Chardonnay

Actually I'm thinking that the Red Bull might not be a good idea when I'm trying to help my anxiety. Think I'll stick with a couple of Beck's Blue then a decaff coffee after. Don't want to replace one bad habit with another!