No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

mrsdee

Hi everyone. I haven't been on MSE for a long time but here I am back again. After years of putting it off and not addressing my problem, I stopped drinking alcohol in January of this year - I too read Jason Vale's book which was the greatest of helps for me. I couldn't imagine life without alcohol but now can firmly say it was the best ever decision - for me. I know everyone is different so don't want to evangelise too much however, life has improved dramatically in every way. And financially, OMG, not just the amount of money spent on the drink itself but it's all the peripheral things that really add up - taxis, paracetemol, junk food snacks on the way home, etc etc... Hope it's ok to join in the conversation :-)

Chardonnay

Morning HB! Thanks, I think it is clicking in this time! The deprived feeling is something which I really wanted to get rid of. I did have a few pangs yesterday but that was because we were talking about holidays in the future again - yes, yet again, it was thoughts of the future, not the present that were unsettling me. But generally I am spending less time thinking about drinking than before and still planning nice things to do, rather than hiding in the house, which is something I really don't want to do!

That's so reassuring to hear and it's so helpful with you being much further down the line than me, to know that you rarely think about alcohol now. I can see from my own experience too that the more you get used to not drinking alcohol, the less you think about it. Being tempted to have a glass of wine every couple of months is a small price to pay when weighed up against the massive benefits that being AF brings and something I can definitely live with! Becks Blue is my saviour too! I don't generally drink it at home, apart from the odd one in the garden on a sunny evening but it's a Godsend for me on social occasions. It makes me feel part of it, if you know what I mean? That's probably the thing that I find that hardest on social occasions - everyone else is drinking and it's not so much that I want to drink, more that I feel a bit left out. It's also the worrying about what people think of me and if they think I'm boring. I actually think I'm a lot less boring without the booze - now I am actually interested in holding a proper conversation, but there you go! But booze is everywhere, it's so commonplace to drink. People at work were talking about what they were going to drink after work and I obviously didn't join in. It hits me at times like that. But I still don't want to drink, so that's a good thing!

I just had a look on Google for the Amy Winehouse song - was it her version of "Will you still love me tomorrow" as that's featured on The Newsroom? She had an amazing voice. I always loved her but actually the film makes you realise how good she was. Such a sad loss and waste of talent.

Thanks! Ha ha! It doesn't always make me feel good while I'm actually doing it, sometimes I wonder what the ****** hell I'm doing it for! But it does make me feel great after once the old endorphins set in!

Chardonnay

Hello mrsdee! :hello: Lovely to see you and it's more than ok for you to join in the conversation! Wow, you've done really well - I guess you are at 6 or 7 months AF! :T Yes, the Jason Vale book is amazing, it's really helping me. I much prefer it to the Allen Carr book which is along similar lines. I just find the Jason Vale book easier to read. It has really helped me with the deprived feeling I was having.

Please do evangelise on here! That's what this thread is for, and it's so good to hear of how you are enjoying life without alcohol. It will help to inspire anyone else who is considering stopping drinking.

And yes, it's all the little things that add up financially isn't it - things that you don't think about! And just being able to drive everywhere, not waste money on taxis - dread to think how much I've wasted over the years! I also love that I can leave when I feel like it, not have to hang around waiting for taxis or rely on other people!

Chardonnay

Just to say I am on day 34 today, so this is the second longest I have been AF!

Looking forward to the weekend - off to parkrun in the morning, then a chilled out day. OH is working in the garden, so may help him. Sunday morning we'll be up early again as OH wants to try running the parkrun course without the pressure of everyone else being there! Then we'll be off to dad's for lunch.

Gosh, how my weekends have changed! But for the better I think!

Have a good one all!

mrsdee

oh Chardonnay you are so right about being able to leave when you like when you are sober and driving! I simply love it!


OK, thanks for the approval - I will evangelise away and say a few things about what I have learnt over these past few months of being AF!


First of all I would NEVER have imagined myself never drinking again. I loved drinking and drank at least a bottle of wine every day for decades. Literally. I am now in my early fifties and have always been a big drinker and realised I didn't really drink like most people I knew. I only drank to get hammered and keep on going. I couldn't (and don't) see the point of just having a glass or two. So it's just easier for me not to drink at all and then I don't ever have to think about it.


What I have learnt so far (in case this helps anyone) ;


At the beginning I was knackered!!! Constantly! Couldn't stop sleeping, and really good quality sleep at that. Someone said it's like recovering from a long illness, and I guess that's really what we ARE doing - recovering from years of drinking alcohol.


I also thought about alcohol ALL the time! Everything about it. All the reasons why I thought I drank. All the many, many things I had done over the years which I bitterly regretted and was ashamed of. I let those thoughts flow and then go. Nothing to be done about them now - all in the past.


I read a lot about alcohol and about alcoholics. I read Jason Vale's book and never looked back.


I realised that I would feel tempted from time to time but that it helps to "play the tape forward" and imagine how I would feel the next day. Those temptations have been VERY few - I would say maybe two or three fleeting moments. The thoughts quickly passed, for example, I was on a plane when they were handing out wine/champagne and I thought ooh I could just have one then immediately thought - who am I KIDDING? It would never be just one.... Tonic water with ice please!!


Never pick up the first drink - after that everything is easy.


There are more non-drinkers out there than you realise! Once you stop drinking - you spot loads of them and they are all normal functioning and nice people! HONEST!


At a party or dinner, no-one cares too much if you are not drinking once the first drink has been had - they are too focussed on their own drinking to wonder about you.


I always wondered "omg what about my birthday? Christmas? holidays?" but actually I have been on two holidays this year and they've been SO much better without alcohol. I would never believe it in the past but it's true! Don't worry about the future - just make your decision and then it's done.


My DH says, but what will you do if you don't drink at x's party? I say I DO drink - I just don't drink anything with ALCOHOL in it! It helps give a sense of perspective.


I also keep an easy-to-reference list (on my smartphone) of all the reasons why I love not drinking. I add to it all the time and it's pretty long! I will post it on here in a bit... Think of your own.. then if you are tempted to have an alcoholic drink - take a quick look at your list!


Don't lie or make excuses about not drinking. I just say "I don't drink alcohol" or "I don't drink any more" - no reason, just state the fact. if people ask why I usually say because I've drunk enough for one lifetime! or that I wasn't enjoying it any more. You usually find that people are rather stunned/jealous/in awe! Crazy!


Life is so much better in every way without alcohol. FACT.


I hope these thoughts are helpful. The only other thing I would add is that I have never met anyone who has given up alcohol and then regretted it. Ever. I can hand on heart say it is the best decision I have ever made for myself. Give yourself and your family the biggest present ever - your sober self.

Honey_Bear

... and I'd heartily endorse everything Mrs Dee said. I LOVE being a non-drinker and I never want to go back to being the person I was before I stopped.

mrsdee

As I mentioned above, I keep a list (which I add to from time to time) which reminds me why I love not drinking. I think it's easy to look back, after a few weeks/months to think, oh it wasn't that bad before... I can just have one or two. This list is a reminder on the rare occasion now that I need one ...!


Be a better role model for my stepkids
Better focus at work
More relaxing and enjoyable holidays
Glowing skin
Sleeping like a baby
Fresher breath
The whites of my eyes are now WHITE!
I can go home from events whenever I like
I can drive anywhere I like, any time of night or day!
Can go to lovely restaurants off the beaten track without paying a fortune in taxis
I can fit more into my evenings and weekends
I actually go out MORE
I can look people in the eye without worrying that they'll see what a drinker I am
I can read more books
I can watch films and remember them!
I have more confidence
I don't have to worry/think about alcohol any more or when I can next buy/drink some
I feel better about myself
I feel in control of my life
I can fly on business trips or holidays and get off the flight feeling great!
Grocery shopping is no longer embarrassing if you bump into someone you know and they look in your trolley!
I have less anxiety
Fewer sick days
Less puffy face
my lips are no longer dry/parched
I have lost weight
I always take my make up off and moisturise before I go to bed!
I have more energy
more money to spend on good food
More organised
More positive outlook
more time to dedicate to friends and family
more time to prepare healthy lunches for work
more time to write letters to friends
I am nicer to everyone (I hope!)
no more health worries
no more broken ribs (oops yes)
no more embarrassing loss of memory
no more red/flushed face
Save myself a stack of money which I can spend on lovely holidays!
I have time to do my nails and do home beauty treatments
time to exercise and do yoga
time to study
time to think
a flatter tummy
peace of mind....


And a few years ago I would also add - no longer sleeping with all and sundry!!!


I am sure you all have other things that work for you. If I tried to think of the reasons why I liked to drink, I'd struggle now.....


Have a lovely weekend everyone!

Honey_Bear

What a great idea, Mrs Dee.

If you don't mind I'm going to nick it and start one of my own; next Saturday I'll have been booze-less for exactly a year and I think it's the perfect time to compile my own 'Why I love not drinking List.'

When I stopped I kept a record of what I was thinking of the time on my laptop without it being a diary as such; without looking back and reading if I compile my personal list over the next week or so by the time of my Soberversary I'll have something to compare.

I have a feeling there will be a complete change of focus and empahsis in my life - the just-stopped-drinking me was probably pretty stuck on past regrets, the one-year-on-me feels very much about enjoing the the here and now to full and excited about what I want to do next. Big shifts.

Your post was very, very helpful so thank you for that.

MarylandCookie_2

I love your list Mrs Dee, I have just started one of my own after reading yours. You are doing amazingly well, and with the inspiration of recent posts I had an AF night out last night. As most of you know I'm a social drinker, whose off switch disappears after a few drinks.

I'd had a night out booked for ages that I knew had the potential to get very drinky, and an event today I had to get up early for, so I made the call to drive. The event was cancelled, and I admit my first thought was, "great I don't have to drive!". Then I thought about the implications of this, how I'd feel today, how it would probably stop me being productive, affect me emotionally, and financially and decided to drive. I went through the typical emotions of feeling like I've missed out, but this morning I feel AMAZING!!!

So, thank you all for your inspiration, without it I'm sure I would be a very hungover, feeling sorry for myself Mary.

Happy Sunday everyone xx

Chardonnay

Sorry, haven't had chance to get on here over the weekend. Wow mrsdee, love your posts! I absolutely love the positivity flowing out of them, you are so inspirational and I'm sure they will help a lot of people who might be reading and considering whether to take the plunge or not. It's exactly the sort of stuff you want to be reading when you're starting on this journey and I really hope you keep posting, as along with HB, you are a great example of how good living without alcohol can be. We are so brainwashed into thinking that life will be boring and missing something without alcohol and that we should feel sorry for people who don't drink. What a load of rubbish that is! Life can be so much better when not lived in a haze of alcohol! Life is too short for numbing our experiences with a drug - it should be lived to the full! Sorry, now I'm evangelising!

Well done MC! You are doing so well! As you know, we are similar in our drinking habits - I'm more of a social drinker too. It sounds like you are really starting to change your mindset about drinking. I bet the feeling you had yesterday when you woke up hangover free, far outweighed any feelings of deprivation on Saturday night!