No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

Still feeling really positive about not drinking. The Jason Vale book has really helped with that. He was a really heavy drinker and I think the fact that he has been there and isn't just lecturing on the dangers of drink makes it a lot easier to relate to. I'm just over half way through.

I finished "Ice and a Slice" by Della Galton and am now on the sequel - "The Morning After the Life Before" - I have found them both hard to put down! They are fiction, but about a woman with a drink problem. She goes to AA, which is something which doesn't appeal to me, although again, I know that they help a lot of people. Still really interesting reading though and very close to home!

I'm also a member of Soberistas, and although I don't write a blog on there (don't really have time but I may do one day), I love reading other people's blogs and there are also lots of great tips on there for healthier living. It's a really positive site and I've got a lot from it.

I'm not re-joining Belle's challenge at the moment. I still get her emails and read every one of them and get a lot from them. I think she's amazing and has helped so many people but I don't feel that emailing her every day to let her know I'm sober is something that really works for me. It didn't work for me last time either and I kept forgetting to email! I'd rather just get on with it, if that makes sense! As I said, not taking anything away from her at all, she should win an award for all the people she's helped but I think we all have to do what is working for us.

Day 39 today - I had that infamous glass of Cava on day 47 last time, so coming up to unknown territory! It just feels so much easier this time, so far, but I don't want to get complacent!

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

Hi HB! You must be coming up to a year AF now? A really amazing achievement! :T

This Saturday! And yes, I am celebrating. Having learned from the past I no longer leave celebrating to the day itself, but set it all up about 10 days before, so today I am wearing one of my new bras - exciting or what! I don't feel I'm counting chickens, either, because I can honestly say the urge to drink left a long, long time ago and I'm far too busy to cope with being overtired or have a hangover from drinking the night before. (Ever again.) Thank you for being such a great support over the past year, it really does make a huge difference.

In terms of the support we chose to use, it's vital that everyone finds out what works for them. Belle was the most important part of my stopping boozing and Soberistas was the very first place I think I actually posted about drinking too much but that was a long time before I stopped. I think I may also have posted on The Cutting Down/Giving Up thread once many moons ago but I didn't go back for a long, long time. Now I seem to live there!

Sadly, whenever anyone says that @@ isn't the way they want to go there is always someone who comes out of Lurkdom to proselytize about it, which always seems incredibly aggressive to me - an approach I find very off-putting indeed. I have to say that it was that mindset that stopped me even looking for support when I first realised I needed to think about alcohol because I thought it was the only way to stop. Thank goodness for Belle, Soberistas, Jason Vale and all the rest of the people who are willing to suggest there is another way.

mrsdee

Wow, congratulations HB! What a fantastic year you must have had. Nice to know that you don't even really want to drink any more. I guess you just adjust to your "new normal". Hope also that you are enjoying your new bra! love it!


I guess we are all agreed on that fact that we are all different, have different styles of drinking (if I can put it like that! Some "social" drinkers and others every day drinkers"). And so we all need different types of support to help us become non-drinkers (if that's what we want - I know some people don't want to be teetotal but to be able to moderate).


I have a good friend who is a member of @@ but has never pushed it - but made it clear she is always available on the end of the phone if needed. So that's cool. For me it was all about breaking the daily cycle of drinking and adjusting to a new way of living really. Instead of coming home, opening the fridge door and pouring (and drinking!) a glass of white wine before I had even taken my coat/cardi off (eek!!) I put the kettle on and make a cup of tea or have a tonic water with ice. Then my evening runs more smoothly and very differently!


I like to do the before v after scenarios in my head.


E.g. before :


used to come home and have a first drink (as above). Then continue drinking whilst cooking dinner. More wine with dinner. Then leave plates and stuff in kitchen, open another bottle, slump in front of TV, watch stuff that I cant recall the next morning. Go to bed when I cant drink anymore/cant stay awake any more (late). Throw clothes on floor. Crawl into bed. Pass out. Wake up in the middle of the night feeling dreadful, drink water, continue with fitful sleep. Alarm goes off - heart sinks, doze off again, scramble out of bed in a panic, knackered. Shower, stuff some breakfast down my throat if time, rush off to work. Stare at computer screen all day feeling terrible. Buy non-nutritious expensive lunch from canteen. Wait to go home.
Repeat.


Now : go home. Get changed out of work gear. Have a cup of tea or tonic water. Make dinner. Enjoy pleasant conversations with DH. Have a cup of tea after dinner. Load dishwasher, wash up pots and pans with husband and continue our conversation. Decide whether to go for a walk, do a bit of gardening, read a book, watch a film etc. Make lunch to take to work the following day. Decide to go to bed at sensible time. Take off make up and moisturise. Clean teeth. Read in bed for a while. Sleep the sleep of the just!! Wake up just before alarm - feel fab! Walk dog. Make nutritious breakfast and eat at leisure. Get to work on time, with lunch, feeling hydrated, rested, and ready to take on the day!


Seriously I was a mess and in danger of losing my job. My wakeup call came in January this year _ I wish it had been earlier than that but I wasn't ready!

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

This Saturday! And yes, I am celebrating. Having learned from the past I no longer leave celebrating to the day itself, but set it all up about 10 days before, so today I am wearing one of my new bras - exciting or what! I don't feel I'm counting chickens, either, because I can honestly say the urge to drink left a long, long time ago and I'm far too busy to cope with being overtired or have a hangover from drinking the night before. (Ever again.) Thank you for being such a great support over the past year, it really does make a huge difference.

In terms of the support we chose to use, it's vital that everyone finds out what works for them. Belle was the most important part of my stopping boozing and Soberistas was the very first place I think I actually posted about drinking too much but that was a long time before I stopped. I think I may also have posted on The Cutting Down/Giving Up thread once many moons ago but I didn't go back for a long, long time. Now I seem to live there!

Sadly, whenever anyone says that @@ isn't the way they want to go there is always someone who comes out of Lurkdom to proselytize about it, which always seems incredibly aggressive to me - an approach I find very off-putting indeed. I have to say that it was that mindset that stopped me even looking for support when I first realised I needed to think about alcohol because I thought it was the only way to stop. Thank goodness for Belle, Soberistas, Jason Vale and all the rest of the people who are willing to suggest there is another way.

Wow, congratulations HB! Pleased you're enjoying your new bras! It's great to hear that the urge to drink has completely gone. You are such an inspiration to people like me, who are just starting the AF journey, especially knowing that it does get easier. You have been a massive support to me since I started this and I really do appreciate it. I'm pleased that I have been able to support you too in some way!

Yes, we must all do what works for us. We are all different and our brains work in different ways. I should have mentioned the cutting down thread - that was what got me really thinking about my alcohol consumption and I certainly have a lot to thank it for! Shaggy is a total star, taking the time to keep track of our scores! :T

There is such great support out there. We just all have to respect that what works for some, will not work for others

Chardonnay

mrsdee wrote: »

Wow, congratulations HB! What a fantastic year you must have had. Nice to know that you don't even really want to drink any more. I guess you just adjust to your "new normal". Hope also that you are enjoying your new bra! love it!


I guess we are all agreed on that fact that we are all different, have different styles of drinking (if I can put it like that! Some "social" drinkers and others every day drinkers"). And so we all need different types of support to help us become non-drinkers (if that's what we want - I know some people don't want to be teetotal but to be able to moderate).


I have a good friend who is a member of @@ but has never pushed it - but made it clear she is always available on the end of the phone if needed. So that's cool. For me it was all about breaking the daily cycle of drinking and adjusting to a new way of living really. Instead of coming home, opening the fridge door and pouring (and drinking!) a glass of white wine before I had even taken my coat/cardi off (eek!!) I put the kettle on and make a cup of tea or have a tonic water with ice. Then my evening runs more smoothly and very differently!


I like to do the before v after scenarios in my head.


E.g. before :


used to come home and have a first drink (as above). Then continue drinking whilst cooking dinner. More wine with dinner. Then leave plates and stuff in kitchen, open another bottle, slump in front of TV, watch stuff that I cant recall the next morning. Go to bed when I cant drink anymore/cant stay awake any more (late). Throw clothes on floor. Crawl into bed. Pass out. Wake up in the middle of the night feeling dreadful, drink water, continue with fitful sleep. Alarm goes off - heart sinks, doze off again, scramble out of bed in a panic, knackered. Shower, stuff some breakfast down my throat if time, rush off to work. Stare at computer screen all day feeling terrible. Buy non-nutritious expensive lunch from canteen. Wait to go home.
Repeat.


Now : go home. Get changed out of work gear. Have a cup of tea or tonic water. Make dinner. Enjoy pleasant conversations with DH. Have a cup of tea after dinner. Load dishwasher, wash up pots and pans with husband and continue our conversation. Decide whether to go for a walk, do a bit of gardening, read a book, watch a film etc. Make lunch to take to work the following day. Decide to go to bed at sensible time. Take off make up and moisturise. Clean teeth. Read in bed for a while. Sleep the sleep of the just!! Wake up just before alarm - feel fab! Walk dog. Make nutritious breakfast and eat at leisure. Get to work on time, with lunch, feeling hydrated, rested, and ready to take on the day!


Seriously I was a mess and in danger of losing my job. My wakeup call came in January this year _ I wish it had been earlier than that but I wasn't ready!

A great post again Mrs Dee and very enlightening to see the difference between your new and old life!

I was more of a social drinker - a binge drinker. I just didn't know when to stop. Saying that, I have in the past got into the habit of drinking at home in the week and it took supreme self control to stop doing that. I had to get into the habit of going to bed early to stop myself getting tempted! It seems to me that for me to moderate would take up so much brain time and obsessing about drink. It's so much easier just not to drink at all.

It's great that your friend has found that @@ helps her. I know they have helped and saved the lives of many people and are a crucial support for them. As we said, we all have to do what helps us I guess!

Your life really does seem so much better now - why would you ever go back to how it was before? Realising that you were in danger of losing your job and stopping the downward spiral shows great strength and you should be proud of yourself!

Chardonnay

It's strange, since I stopped drinking, I've now become much more interested in nutrition and wanting to live as healthy a life as possible.

I know that I eat far too much sugar but I also know the dangers of becoming complacent about the not drinking - it's very early days for me yet, I know. I know that I shouldn't try to tackle too many things at once. However, I do feel the time is right to start gradually reducing the amount of sugar I eat. I really don't think it agrees with me at all. So I'm making small changes - I am not going to deny myself but for instance, am trying to swap milk chocolate for dark chocolate and my jam on toast (which I've got into the habit of having every day for breakfast :mad:) for porridge. I've also found a recipe for some sugar free cookies, so am going to try making them too.

I'm loving my running and am starting to get back to where I was before I hurt my foot. I love the freedom of being able to go running whenever I like, and not plan it around my drinking days!

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

It's strange, since I stopped drinking, I've now become much more interested in nutrition and wanting to live as healthy a life as possible.

I know that I eat far too much sugar but I also know the dangers of becoming complacent about the not drinking - it's very early days for me yet, I know. I know that I shouldn't try to tackle too many things at once. However, I do feel the time is right to start gradually reducing the amount of sugar I eat. I really don't think it agrees with me at all. So I'm making small changes - I am not going to deny myself but for instance, am trying to swap milk chocolate for dark chocolate and my jam on toast (which I've got into the habit of having every day for breakfast :mad:) for porridge. I've also found a recipe for some sugar free cookies, so am going to try making them too.

I'm loving my running and am starting to get back to where I was before I hurt my foot. I love the freedom of being able to go running whenever I like, and not plan it around my drinking days!

You're already dealing with the excessive sugar thing by not drinking! However, I think attending to your diet generally (as opposed to dieting) is an excellent thing to start tackling at this stage, whereas having the goal of trying to lose weight now by going on a diet would be counter-productive.

The sugar habit is a bu**er because the more we have the more we crave it, but it's actually relatively easy to identify the major sources and deal with them. Once I have my first Twink's hobnob I'm lost - they're my Achilles heel on the sugar front. If OH didn't keep asking me to bake them I'd be fine! Despite that I've still managed to get out of the habit of eating rubbish every single day and the secret seems to be - if I don't buy or bake it, I won't eat it. Knowing it's in the house means it calls to me non-stop. I cave in when I find tubes of fruit pastilles on special offer, though.

My most successful breakfast is porridge with yoghurt and dried fruit and once I've started the day with that most of the rest of it seems to fall into place nutritionally.

Chardonnay

Hi HB, yes the not drinking bit is helping but as I was more of a weekend drinker, I don't think it makes such a difference to me as it would if I had drank every day. It certainly helps at weekends though and just not drinking helps me to avoid the binge eating that I would do the next day after drinking!

No, I'm not really focused on losing weight, although if I lose half a stone in the process, I won't complain! It's more about starting to think more about what I'm putting into my body and how what we eat can make a big difference to how we feel.

I agree that not keeping junk food in the house definitely helps! I've heard you mention Twinks Hobnobs before so just looked them up and they look lovely! I actually made some healthy cookies after work last night - I'm not really a baker but would really like to improve! They are made from oats, honey, banana, apple, sultanas and cinnamon. They taste lovely but need to be a bit crispier. I think I made them a bit thick! Practice makes perfect though!

I know what you mean about starting the day with a healthy breakfast. I do find that porridge is the best breakfast to start with and that it seems to set me up for the rest of the day - I'm less likely to eat rubbish.

Chardonnay

Pleased it's Friday! Looking forward to a break from work this weekend. I think because we went on holiday early this year, it seems like ages since we had a break!

On that subject, we have changed our holiday plans. We aren't going to Spain now. Luckily we hadn't paid for the hotel. There are lots of reasons, one being that it'll be the first time we've left DD for a week and she starts college during that time too, so we feel better about being in this country rather than abroad. Also, I calculate we will save around £700 by staying in this country.

So we are going to Cornwall and have booked into 3 different places over 6 nights. We have pushed the boat out a bit with one hotel and have a 5 course dinner included on the 3 nights we are there. We are actually looking forward to it more - it just seems simpler somehow! I have to say that the All Inclusive holiday we were going to go on didn't seem so appealing now I'm not drinking. To me, AI meant drink as much as I liked without paying for it - the food never came into it! I guess I will be looking for a different type of holiday now, although if OH still wanted to go AI, of course I would! I'm looking forward to a few days of eating well, running and relaxing. We don't go until the beginning of September though so a while to wait yet.

We have a busy weekend planned again. I am doing parkrun in the morning, then my friend is coming to visit with her children. On Sunday, we are having a BBQ for close family - weather doesn't look great at the moment though! I have got in plenty of Becks Blue and also some San Pellegrino mineral water, which I'll drink with fresh lemon. My brother won't be drinking as he's driving so he'll have some Becks Blue with me I think. We have lots of Prosecco and wine in for everyone else. Strange, in the past I would have been a bit nervous about the not drinking thing but I haven't really thought about it this time. I am definitely spending less time thinking about drinking this time around - can't believe I'm on Day 41 with such little drama!

Have a great weekend all!

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

I am definitely spending less time thinking about drinking this time around - can't believe I'm on Day 41 with such little drama!

I think that's one of the secrets of making it work - it's not about what I can't do, it's what I enjoy now. The transition is tricky because old habits die hard. Well done.

I've lived in Devon, on and off, for over 40 years and although the idea of a holiday in the sun is vaguely entrancing, the reality is that the first and last days of travelling and flying are vile now and the bit in the middle can be very easily spoiled by mozzies, feeling like a foreigner and spending too much. I've pretty much knocked it on the head other than day trips to France (love Brittany Ferries and the terminal is only about two miles away and we get incredibly good deals on 24 hour trips) and an Italian wedding on a tiny island in the Med - I don't bother any more. We live in such a beautiful place I want to get to know it better and I'm taking my time doing so. Cornwall's just as fabulous in a slightly different way, you're supporting the UK economy, September's fabulous and I think you'll have a lovely, lovely time.