No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

Hey MC! :wave: Thanks for your lovely words. I do feel very positive and quite at peace with my decision - and I do think I have decided not to drink again. When I think about it, I don't even really enjoy drinking any more - on the two occasions when I drank more than I should have recently, I can honestly say that I didn't really enjoy the drinks and the constant battle in my head not to drink too much definitely didn't help! I don't want to sound smug and I could be heading for a fall but at the moment, I'm just making the most of the positivity! I think two things have helped me - having that decent amount of AF time in the past when I experienced a holiday and nights out and still enjoyed them. The other is the Jason Vale book - it really is brilliant. It really changes the way you think about drink.

I've got a busy weekend ahead. I'm meeting my two best friends for lunch tomorrow. One of them has a voucher for two meals and a bottle of wine so I thought I'd best let her know that I'm not drinking to avoid any temptation at the time! So I called her yesterday and amongst other chat casually explained that I hadn't had a drink for 4 weeks. She was really supportive and happy for me. She said she still remembered the difference it seemed to make to me before and she was really positive about it. She said she thinks we've had a similar relationship with drink, which I think is true. Well we grew up together and started drinking together and drifted into the same drinking habits together! She's also at the point of questioning her relationship with booze but I don't think she wants to stop drinking, not at this point anyway and I certainly don't want to be the boring ex-drinker that people avoid, lecturing on the dangers of drink, so am always careful to say that this is right for me, but everyone has to do what's right for them. It means so much to have her support though!

Oh and then we have a party tomorrow night but I am driving anyway as have my first proper 5k race on Sunday morning and will have to leave home mega early! We will only stay for a couple of hours and it should be fine. Then it will be home to watch the Wimbledon men's final, then on Sunday night, we are going to see the Amy Winehouse film as it's now at our local cinema! So excited about that, and even better, we have used our Nectar points so don't have to pay! :j And I can drive of course, which saves us money! This is what I am trying to do this time around, do things differently and realise I'm not giving anything up not drinking but that my world has opened up to new ways of enjoying myself!

Anyway, sorry to waffle on about myself! You sound like you're doing really well MC and are at a good place with the drinking. I hope your weekend away goes well, you'll have to let me know how you get on!

Yes I know, you really want to reach out and help Annie. I think she needs to let her husband know how bad it is and get proper help. My heart goes out to her and she is obviously an intelligent, lovely woman but it's really scary as shows how the booze can get a grip. I can identify with some of her thought processes and I think she suffers a lot with anxiety which doesn't help. I truly hope that she can get help for that and then maybe the rest will follow.

Have a fab weekend MC!

Chardonnay

Am starting to get really fed up with being in debt now. I've been in debt for as long as I can remember and I really want it gone. I have made good in-roads but I think I really need to make a concerted effort and have a plan. Last month I paid almost £700 off so that's not bad I guess, but I want it gone quicker and to stop wasting money!

So my plan is to pay off the Barclaycard first, then concentrate on the loan. I get a lot of offers for money transfers on my Barclaycard and I do have a £10,000 credit limit on it, so at some point, once the credit card debt is paid off, I may pay off the loan with that, as long as I feel I have enough time to pay it off my card before interest is charged.

I think I can pay £1000 off my Barclaycard at the end of this month if I'm careful. I've been looking at our money and we just waste so much. I don't want to live too frugally, just want to enjoy our lives but not waste money unnecessarily. Not drinking is helping and we've managed to cut right back on the eating out and takeaways. We are both on good salaries though and should have a good disposable income so we really need to start using it wisely and stop wasting money!

So we went to Lidl for our big shop on Monday rather than Sainsburys and I was staggered at how much cheaper it was in the main. There were some items that I wouldn't buy again but it's definitely worth going there for our big shop I think. There is a huge store being built very soon and there should be more choice then so am looking forward to seeing what that brings. I have started to keep a record of the money that we spend on food as we're forever popping over to Sainsburys for bits and bobs (it's right across the road from us!)

So we shall see how we get on - feeling quite determined at the moment though!

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

This is what I am trying to do this time around, do things differently and realise I'm not giving anything up not drinking but that my world has opened up to new ways of enjoying myself!

Anyway, sorry to waffle on about myself!

I've included the 'waffle' bit just to emphasise that the key comment for me in your long post above was the bit about your world opening up without the booze. Perfect. That's exactly how I feel and it is just that, it's not giving something up or feeling deprived, it's making space for the good stuff to happen.

Chardonnay wrote: »

Yes I know, you really want to reach out and help Annie. I think she needs to let her husband know how bad it is and get proper help. My heart goes out to her and she is obviously an intelligent, lovely woman but it's really scary as shows how the booze can get a grip. I can identify with some of her thought processes and I think she suffers a lot with anxiety which doesn't help. I truly hope that she can get help for that and then maybe the rest will follow.

Belle posted an answer to the question about how she deals with people who have Day 1 after Day 1 after Day 1 and it was very sad reading. I don't think it was about Annie although I know there was contact between them last year, but basically there is nothing we can say or do that will help someone find the extra support that they need until they realise that they need it, and find what is right for them. My heart goes out to her because that would have been me if I'd carried on doing what I was doing for a little longer.

Good luck with debt-busting. I used Lidl for a while but I've gone back to Morrie's because their offers and choices work better for me. What made a huge difference in beginning to get my spending under control was accounting for every penny on a spreadsheet I set up and religiously entered everything on. That was eight years ago and I still do it now, which means I know when I've gone over the top.

Chardonnay

Thanks HB, I do feel like I'm looking at it a lot differently this time!

Yes, it must be so exhausting. It could so easily be any of us. Alcohol is a drug and some people are just further down the slippery slope than others. I do believe that there are some people that can truly drink in moderation without exerting a lot of self control, but I think they're few and far between really. I really hope Annie reaches out to get the help that she needs.

Yes it's been an experiment with Lidl really. Some items I would definitely buy again, others I wouldn't. I used to do internet shopping with Tesco as like their clubcard deals, but haven't for a while. They've sent me some money off vouchers so will probably do our next big shop with them. The spreadsheet is definitely an eye opener, as to how much money we waste and how these little top up shops add up!

Chardonnay

So I'm trying not to get hung up on days this time, but it is Day 32 today! After tomorrow, it will be the second longest that I have been AF.

Had such a busy weekend! Got up early on Saturday and went for a jog with OH. Then lots of housework ready for friends to come over. We went into town to a restaurant and I have to admit to having a couple of pangs when they ordered an expensive bottle of wine (it was free of charge as my friend had complained about their last experience there). It was a lovely looking bottle of Rose and it did look very appealing! However, I had a lovely fruit smoothie - Watermelon and Raspberry I think, with a piece of Watermelon as garnish - really lovely actually! Then a lime and soda, finishing with a coffee. Oh and a pudding - I love puddings now I'm not drinking! I could take them or leave them before - more interested in the wine! At first I felt a little left out and awkward but that soon passed and we had a lovely meal and chat.

Then it was off to a garden party in the evening. Most people were drinking but I took some Becks Blue, which I do find a Godsend on social occasions. I had a couple of bottles and then a couple of glasses of Lime and Lemongrass from M&S, which was very nice actually - not too sweet, can't abide sweet drinks. I did feel a slight sense of loss that I wouldn't be drinking again (as I don't think I will) but had a great time. I find I am more sociable without the booze - very strange really, but maybe it's because I'm more alert and more interested in other people, rather than where my next drink is coming from! We stayed much longer than intended as we had such a great time.

Sunday I was up before 6 to do a 5k race - my first! That went well, am gradually getting back up to the point I was before I hurt my foot. Had a lovely morning and then back home and off to out for food and to the cinema in the evening. We went to Nandos and I don't think I even really thought about booze - I was more put out that they didn't have the soft drink that I wanted! So I had a mineral water instead.

"Amy" was very touching and thought provoking. I would definitely recommend it. It seems she never wanted to be famous. She was frightened of it. All she wanted to do was write music and sing Jazz. I know we all have different tastes but in my opinion she really did have one hell of a voice and that really comes across in the film. If the film is a true representation, she was really let down by people that should have been looking out for her and the media also have a lot to answer for for their disgusting treatment of her. Very sad and it is a film which will definitely stay with me for a long time.

So a very busy weekend and very tiring! I feel quite tired at the moment, not sure why, but not tempted to drink at all. In fact, I can't believe how little time I spend thinking about drinking now. It really is like something's finally clicked in my head! I think going AF for a period, then deciding to go back to drinking "in moderation" has helped me a lot as I have realised that I'm not actually missing anything! I realised that I actually didn't even enjoy the taste of the drink at the time, rather than just the morning after!

Aphidgirl

Keep going Chardonnay!

I know what you mean about the frustration of not being debt free yet but at the rate you're going it won't be long. Sometimes I get a but obsessed with looking at the figures and calculating debt-free dates, its probably good to do other things regularly that take your mind off the debt - then the time goes faster!

MarylandCookie_2

Hey Chardonnany, sounds like you had a brilliant weekend. And great news on the 5k, you must have felt so good afterwards, I'm back to my couch to 5k and the gym, slow but steady progress - hard to motivate myself to get there, but once I've made the effort I feel really pleased I did. A bit like drinking really, I always wish after I'd had a drink I hadn't, and when I don't feel really pleased I didn't - if that makes sense!

I'm feeling really inspired by your posts, we seemed to be on the same page, and it's brilliant to see how well you're doing :j

Chardonnay

Hi Aphidgirl!

I know, I'm the same! I can get quite obsessed with it sometimes, and then start wishing the time away so that I can get paid and pay some more off! Silly really, should be enjoying life and being a bit more laid back about it. Trying to rein myself in a bit and focus on other stuff!

Chardonnay

Hey MC!

Thanks, it was a great, very busy weekend! I think it's good to show that we can still get out there and enjoy our lives without drink. We don't have to hide in the house feeling sorry for ourselves! In fact, life is even better without booze I think We've just been brainwashed to think life won't be the same without it! Yes, it's so good to be back to running - it makes me feel so much better in myself. Just been out for half an hour with OH - he's doing so well now.

Well done with starting the gym again and Couch to 5K! That's how I started running, and OH - a brilliant programme. I do know what you mean about the drinking and can definitely see the similarity! I also find that not drinking and running go hand in hand for me. Running is more important to me than drinking. It makes me feel and look good. Drinking makes me feel and look rubbish! I can't do both and I know which one I choose!

Ah, thanks! It's nice to know that you are inspired by my posts....it encourages me all the more! This is a journey for sure, with its ups and downs but hopefully I'm on the right path now! It's always great to hear how you're doing too!

Honey_Bear

I'm so pleased you're enjoying things without missing drinking - it's a mindset that clicks in, I think, and makes what you're doing possible. Without it, believing that booze is a necessary part of enjoying ourselves means that we're feeling deprived before anything else.

There are times when I know I would really enjoy the taste of a glass of wine but I so don't want to go back to being that person, and the longer I've stayed alcohol free the easier it's become, and it is now only very, very occasionally tempting, say once every couple of months. That's been the biggest surprise of the whole thing, I think. I love my B***s B**e and I look forward to it in the evenings but I don't actually think about alcohol itself very often.

When we go out with the same old group of friends for the evening that we always did, they're all very supportive of my choice while they carry on doing what they always did. I'm fascinated by the fact that I know without a shadow of a doubt that they're drunk but, if I'm honest, it's only when they get boringly repetative that I know it. That's when I usually go home, leaving them to it.

Thanks for the heads up on Amy. I'll keep an eye out for it so that we can go and see it when it's here. OH thinks he heard one of her tracks being used in The Newsroom (TV series, we borrow the DVDs from the library) and is desperate to find out what it was because he loved it.

Well done on the running. It's my idea of hell, but if it makes you feel good - do it, do it, do it!