No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Honey_Bear

(((Hugs))) Safehouse. Very occasionally I was a truly horrible person when I drank and it was that, in the end, that made me realise I couldn't carry on with it. Best decision I've ever made but it wasn't easy and willpower alone isn't enough for some people. If your DH wants to cut down or stop and tries but can't quite get through the first few days on his own, would he be able to talk to his GP about it? It sounds as though he wants to stop and that is the critical factor.

safehouse

I know its been a while but thankyou for your lovely replies x

Chardonnay

Helllooooo!!!! Thought it was about time I updated this thread again. Sorry for going AWOL. You may think that was a bad sign and I was off hammering the booze again but it hasn't quite worked out like that!

Well, so much to say but I'll try not to waffle on too much. I sat and re-read this whole thread last night, and found it very enlightening, especially the bit where I said I wasn't going to have any more than two drinks in one sitting! Well that was never really going to happen was it?!

I haven't been too bad, certainly better than I used to be but still drinking too much, particularly on two occasions.....

The first was my OH's birthday weekend. I knew this was going to be a tough one for moderating. On the Friday night I had a half bottle of Prosecco, knocking it back much too quickly, going to bed later than usual and then felt absolutely awful on the Saturday We went to the races in the day and although I drank, I didn't really enjoy it as was battling with myself in my head not to drink too much, knowing I'd ruin the party in the evening for myself. I had 3 glasses of Pimms and 2 glasses of wine. I had said I was only going to have 2 drinks beforehand of course :mad: I did feel ok in the evening and we had a lovely night. I said I was going to have 3 G&Ts but in the event had 1 G&T, didn't enjoy it that much, so then had a large glass of Rose, then 2 standard glasses of white and a G&T to finish the night off. Not a massive amount I guess but my tolerance to alcohol is so low now, and it's the drinking more than I intended to that worried me.....

We went to watch the cricket on the Sunday. My hangover seemed to get worse as the day wore on and I nearly had to leave as I felt so awful. In fact I missed some of it as I had to close my eyes. Then I felt better, so we went out for dinner in the evening and I had a Bellini and a large glass of Prosecco. On the way home, my stomach started hurting and I felt sick. I had to go straight to bed. I felt rubbish for nearly a week. My body isn't used to having that much alcohol over 3 consecutive days now!

The other drinking occasion was when I went on a girls' night out. We had cocktails - I had 2 Kir Royales, which I didn't enjoy and were mega expensive! (Buy one get one free though so it would have been rude not to!), a G&T, 3 bottles of Smirnoff Ice, then finished the night off with another G&T which I only drank half of because it tasted very strong.

The women I was with - one just had half of a low alcohol cocktail then drank Becks Blue or water. The other one stopped drinking halfway through the night and went on to water, but not me, oh no, I was there to the bitter end!

I felt dreadful the next morning - splitting head, sick, just rubbish! And this is far less than I used to drink on a night out - scary really! Again, it took me days to recover. Absolutely sick of that feeling of being below par because of booze. I've got too much to achieve in life for that!

So quietly, I haven't drank since. I'm not counting the days but the last drink I had was on 13th June, so coming up to 3 weeks now. It wasn't something that I planned. I went out and bought a half bottle of Prosecco to drink the following Saturday but then decided I really didn't fancy it and went out again and bought a bottle of no alcohol fizz, which I'd spotted and looked suitably shiny and exciting! (Sounds silly but the packaging was attractive and it had a proper cork and everything ) and had that instead. Very nice, I would recommend! My mind's gone blank as to what it was called, but I'll update when I remember!

And since then my momentum has sort of built and I've been loathe to ruin my sober streak. I haven't been out much, but did have another afternoon at the races, which I chose to drive to and didn't miss drinking at all.

I'm not counting days and haven't even re-joined Belle's challenge at the moment (although I may). This seems to be working for me at the moment so I'm just going along as I have been.

Anyway, such a long post! Hope everyone's ok. Hope you've had a nice holiday HB. Are you back yet, you seem to have been away for ages! We miss you!

Chardonnay

How are you doing MC? x

Chardonnay

Just got back from a lovely weekend away in Bristol and Bath and still didn't drink! :j

Drove down on Saturday after parkrun and I suggested OH and I go for lunch in a beer garden as it was such a beautiful day. I had a large lime and soda. In the evening we went out with OH's daughters and son in law. I had two glasses of Appletiser with pomegranate and ice. OH and I have had that at home before and I really like it as it's not too sweet. To be honest I didn't even have any pangs at all or give that much thought to not drinking. Only the men were drinking anyway. We had such a lovely evening and I think I was chattier than usual - probably because my senses weren't dulled by the booze!

Yesterday we drove over to Bath and went to a Spa which was so relaxing. We had lunch there and a drink was included with the meal. When the waitress read out the options, and they included wine, I did have a pang, I admit, but chose a Bottlegreen with lemongrass and ginger. That was ok, not sure I'd have it again. OH had a beer.

In the evening we went down to dinner at the hotel restaurant and decided to have 3 courses. I had a lime and soda again and then just drank the water provided on the table (we are saving so much money by me not drinking - OH just had a couple of beers.). Again, I had a slight pang about the wine but nothing too significant and had a nice relaxed evening and was in no rush to get back to our room.

I am strangely very tired today and feel like I've been drinking but I never sleep properly in a hotel room so it may be something to do with that.

So when I counted up, I realised I'm now on Day 23 and I'm starting to build in confidence about really giving this sober thing a good go this time. It just doesn't feel as hard as before, maybe because I've already had a good stint AF. Also, I am reading Jason Vale's book which is brilliant - a similar concept to Allen Carr's but I am finding it much easier to read. I'm also reading Ice and a Slice by Delia Galton, which is fiction but you can guess the subject matter! A brilliant book, funny and thought provoking and I can definitely relate to some of it.

I said to my OH that I would really like to see the Amy Winehouse film (not just because it's related to drinking but because I was a big fan). Unfortunately it's not on at our local cinema but we may go into the city to see it. I said to OH last night that in the past I hated going to the cinema because it meant I couldn't drink. He was quite shocked by that and I realised how bad it sounded and it made me realise that I really have had quite an addiction to alcohol in the past.

It made me realise how narrow my life was when I was drinking a lot - my whole life revolved around drinking and everything had to fit in around it. It feels like my life is opening up now and I'm seeing the experiences there are to be had, now that I'm not living my life for the booze!

MarylandCookie_2

What a lovely post Chardonnay, really heartening and inspiring to read. I feel so happy for you.

Annie's back with her dappled path blog, not sure if you've seen it?

Chardonnay

Thanks MC. How are you doing?

Yes I saw Annie was back but she's gone a bit quiet again - hope she's ok!

Honey_Bear

You sound a combination of positive and tentative, but in a good way, feeling your way through. It gets easier, but getting past the stage where you need to work out how to tackle each outing takes perseverance. You're doing really well and you've achieved a lot already.

The realisation that we may have inadvertently got ourselves into the habit of building our social lives around booze - oh wow. It's such a gradual process and very much part of the modern life. When I thought about stopping it was always accompanied by thoughts of, 'But what about Christmas? And celebrations? And birthdays? And weddings? And holidays. And ....' Endless. They're all fine without booze and the day after they're still great on reflection which never used to happen to me.

The cinema sounds like a great way to ease yourself into new things you can enjoy that don't make you think about old habits. I haven't seen the Amy Whitehouse film, so I'd be very interested to know what you think of it. OH usually chooses the films we see (it's his area of expertise) and I love his choices, but we're a bit restricted because we live within really easy walking distance of an arts centre so whatever they're not showing I don't usually see. I've started to loathe the smell of sugary popcorn in multiplexes, too, which doesn't help widen my choices.

I googled Annie's blog recently and found it was available to the wider world again. It's hard reading because she seems so helpless against the pull of the booze and she seems like such a good person. Belle said something that is blindingly obvious once someone says it - having Day 1 after Day 1 after Day 1 is much, much harder than having Day 1 and then eventually Day 100. My heart goes out to her and her honesty makes me realise just how lucky I was to stop when I did.

Chardonnay

Hello HB! Lovely to see you!

Thanks, yes that is how I would describe the way I feel too, although I am starting to gain in confidence now and feel more and more that an AF way of life is possible and more than that, preferable, for me. Strange, I haven't thought about drinking much at all really! I am finding it disconcertingly easy this time around - almost waiting for the pangs to kick in! OH and I are going on an all inclusive holiday in September and at the moment, it's really not fazing me at all. I think that having got one AF holiday (apart from that infamous glass of Cava which I think was the turning point for me) under my belt, I know that it's possible and that I'll still have a great time.

Today I am feeling great - I've been out for a gentle jog with OH in the sunshine and generally feeling good to be alive! I love days like these as they really strengthen my resolve not to drink and I feel I am getting the benefits of being AF.

Yes, it's amazing how many occasions now revolve around booze - quite scary really! That's why it can seem so impossible to stop, as it's inconceivable to imagine ever being able to enjoy our lives again without a drink. We really have been brainwashed into thinking that alcohol is an important accompaniment to any occasion and without it we will be lost.

I'll let you know if we do get around to seeing the Amy film. It's just quite a long way to travel into the city to see it and a bit of a hassle. I would love to see it. I just hope that it will come to our local cinemas soon.

Yes, I know what you mean about Annie's blog. It really is hard reading. She does seem like a lovely person. She is just in such a vicious cycle at the moment I think and needs help to pull herself out of it. I can imagine that constant Day 1's really are so exhausting physically and mentally!

MarylandCookie_2

Hi Chardonnay, you sound amazingly positive, brilliant to hear! I'm doing ok thank you, had a few nights out where I've driven, and had a night out where I drank moderately. Away this weekend with friends and there will be copious amounts of alcohol around - I'm determined to moderate and be sensible.

I find Annie's blog so painful to read, so much so that I unsubscribed, then it disappeared for a while, and like HB I googled it recently, and it's still painful. I really want to offer some useful advice, but feel so helpless. Isn't it funny how you worry about your virtual friends?

Anyway, it's heartening to hear you sounding so upbeat and positive - I love it! X