No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

MarylandCookie_2

Evening all!

I do feel like I've got a better relationship with drink Chardonnay, for the first time in a long time - well it's only taken me til I'm 40ish!! I opened a bottle of red at the weekend, only had a glass, used some in a ragu sauce I made, didn't want any last night, poured a glass tonight but didn't enjoy it, and poured it away, something I've never done!!!

Ohhh sounds like you need to have a rest if you've hurt your foot, you don't want to make it worse. I've done a double session at the gym tonight and I'm shattered!

What's the headspace meditation? I'm always looking for recommendations too!

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

I don't know if the two are related, but both are such good news - well done!



I don't know if they're related either, but again it's such good news that has go be in the mix for consideration. I'm so happy for you that it was good news; long may it last.

I'm not going to say I'm jealous of people being able to drink in moderation because after nine months of being AF this feels so right for me and I know I couldn't moderate if I started again. What I will say is HUGE CONGRATULATIONS for everyone that gets their drinking under control when they realise that things can build up and takes action to deal with it. I am a great believer in everything in moderation where possible and appropriate.

Thanks HB. Not sure about the debt payment and not drinking being strongly related but I do think not drinking has definitely saved me some money.

Thanks re my health news! I'm sure the op is the main factor in the improvement but I do think not drinking must have surely helped rather than hindered! The problem with my kidney is a structural one that I was born with, thankfully I don't have kidney disease - touch wood! It's just that my one kidney wasn't draining properly and because it wasn't picked up until late, a lot of damage had already been done. So there's no reason to think that I shouldn't be able to preserve my kidney function as long as I look after myself. And drastically cutting down my alcohol intake has a big part to play in that for sure!

Yes, we all have to do what's right for us I guess and find our own path! I have no doubt that you are doing what is right for you and your posts are always so inspirational. You are obviously getting so much from not drinking at all. I had a taste of that myself - I felt quite euphoric at times! It's still something that I wouldn't rule out in the future but for the meantime I'd like to just be an occasional drinker. That would suit me fine. I just don't want to be how I was before when alcohol featured far too much in my life and I was arranging my life around alcohol. That's not healthy!

Chardonnay

MarylandCookie wrote: »

Evening all!

I do feel like I've got a better relationship with drink Chardonnay, for the first time in a long time - well it's only taken me til I'm 40ish!! I opened a bottle of red at the weekend, only had a glass, used some in a ragu sauce I made, didn't want any last night, poured a glass tonight but didn't enjoy it, and poured it away, something I've never done!!!

Ohhh sounds like you need to have a rest if you've hurt your foot, you don't want to make it worse. I've done a double session at the gym tonight and I'm shattered!

What's the headspace meditation? I'm always looking for recommendations too!

Hi MC! Oh I know that feeling! I'm 45 and it's probably only the last 18 months or so that I've started to seriously question my relationship with alcohol. I don't think that's a coincidence. In reading AF blogs it seems a lot of women who are stopping drinking are in their 40's and 50's. I think that's when it starts to catch up with us and our bodies can't recover like they used to. I also think it's when we start to look at our own mortality too and realise that we need to look after our health!

Well done for pouring the glass away - that's true progress to be able to do that and not just drink for the sake of it!

Yes, I am having an enforced rest at the moment I will try having a little jog again with OH on Monday. I am really missing running and it was only last Monday that I last ran! It really is important to my physical and mental health I think. I know that if I carry on running when my foot is hurting, I could be unable to run for a lot longer though so have to be sensible.

Headspace - you can find it on the internet. There's an app you can download to your phone/tablet. There's a 10 day free trial but after that you have to pay - it's something like £40ish for a year. I have found it good so far.

MarylandCookie_2

Hi Chardonnay, how are things? Hope you've had a good weekend.

So much for taking or leaving having a drink.....had far too much at the weekend, feel so disappointed in myself.

Hope your all doing better than me :0(

Chardonnay

Hi MC! I'm fine thanks! Sorry to hear you had too much at the weekend. It's so easy to do I guess but all we can do is not be too hard on ourselves and learn from it. Hope you're feeling better now!

I had a lovely weekend thanks. We went to Bristol to see family, which involved two meals out on Saturday. I'm sorry if it's boring but I'm going to list what I drink because I really want to keep tabs on it! With lunch at the pub, I just had one Stella Cidre, which I've never tried before and that lasted me the whole time. In the evening, when we went to an Italian restaurant, I had a Mojito and a small glass of white wine. Then we went home and I put the kettle on! On the Friday night, we just all had a takeaway and booze was not involved at all

I am really pleased with how it's going at the moment and hope that I am finally getting to grips with this moderating. I enjoyed the drinks I had but they really were enough for me. I'm trying to move away from wine a bit as that is where a lot of my problems lie. I find it so heavy and just don't want to stop once I start.

So I have had two drinking days so far this month, which I am pleased with. I will be having a drink tomorrow as I'm going away with work and we are all going out for a big meal tomorrow night. I plan to only have two though. I will also have a drink on Saturday as we are going on a big family day out, which we do every year. We then stop off on the way back at a kind of holiday park, with a bar. Again, I plan to drink in moderation however and will chart my progress here!

Unfortunately my foot's still bad and I haven't been able to run for just over a week. Soooooo frustrated as I was really getting somewhere! Really really hope it gets better soon! Also, I haven't done any meditation for a few days! I seem to be out of my routine at the moment but plan to start it again next week as really don't want to get out of the habit.

One thing I keep meaning to say is I notice that Annie from A Dappled Path's blog disappeared a while ago. I really hope she's ok!

Honey_Bear

Healing vibes for your foot, Chardonnay so that you can get back to running.

I think charting your progress on the moderation front is an excellent idea. We'll also know by inference if you have one over the eight and go quiet for a few weeks, won't we?! (Well, that's what I'd do in the circumstances, anyway!)

MarylandCookie_2

Good to hear you doing so well Chardonnay, keeping a log is a good thing, and if it keeps you on track is even better. I have thought about doing that, and something I'll definitely try to do next time I go out. I just feel so annoyed and upset with myself, the usual guilt, depression, you know how it goes. I guess the saying pride before a fall is fitting after I said I was doing ok. I am my own worst enemy and am still beating myself up and feeling down about it.

Sorry to hear about your foot as well, have you been to your GP, I wonder if you need an X-ray? I'm not doing great on the exercise front either and haven't managed the gym this week.

I'd noticed I couldn't log on to Annie's blog a few weeks ago but thought it was my word press account. I do hope she's ok.

Have a great time away, happy moderating and keep us posted!!

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Healing vibes for your foot, Chardonnay so that you can get back to running.

I think charting your progress on the moderation front is an excellent idea. We'll also know by inference if you have one over the eight and go quiet for a few weeks, wont we?! (Well, that's what I'd do in the circumstances, anyway!)

Thanks HB. Yes that is exactly what I used to do on the AF thread too! Human nature I guess! I want to be honest on here so I can face up to it if moderation isn't working for me. I hope I can carry on in the same vein! Tonight will be a bit of a test for me at the meal as I know that the wine will be flowing! Probably my biggest test since deciding to moderate actually, so we shall see! I have a big meeting tomorrow though that I need to be on top form for so hopefully that will help me to rein it in.

Hope all is good with you! How's your lovely new dog?

Chardonnay

MarylandCookie wrote: »

Good to hear you doing so well Chardonnay, keeping a log is a good thing, and if it keeps you on track is even better. I have thought about doing that, and something I'll definitely try to do next time I go out. I just feel so annoyed and upset with myself, the usual guilt, depression, you know how it goes. I guess the saying pride before a fall is fitting after I said I was doing ok. I am my own worst enemy and am still beating myself up and feeling down about it.

Sorry to hear about your foot as well, have you been to your GP, I wonder if you need an X-ray? I'm not doing great on the exercise front either and haven't managed the gym this week.

I'd noticed I couldn't log on to Annie's blog a few weeks ago but thought it was my word press account. I do hope she's ok.

Have a great time away, happy moderating and keep us posted!!

Ah MC, try not to be too hard on yourself! Rome wasn't built in a day and all that! You've been doing so well, you're only human and this was just a blip. It's good that you are charting how you feel so you can look back at it next time you go out to remind yourself not to go overboard.

I haven't been to the doctor's but it sounds like I have tendonitis. Very very frustrating but I have found some exercises to do to help and have also ordered an ankle brace. If my efforts don't do any good I might consider going to the doctor's but I'm not sure how good they are with things like this?

Ah, do you think that your not doing any exercise is linked to having a lot to drink at the weekend? I know that those two things are definitely linked for me and that's one of the reasons that I wanted to cut back drastically. I always found that everything went out of the window when I had a lot to drink - no exercise, eating like a pig etc. Hopefully you will soon be feeling better and back on track again

I'll report back, probably on Friday now to let you know how my work trip went! Have a good day all!

Honey_Bear

MarylandCookie wrote: »

I just feel so annoyed and upset with myself, the usual guilt, depression, you know how it goes. I guess the saying pride before a fall is fitting after I said I was doing ok. I am my own worst enemy and am still beating myself up and feeling down about it.

I didn't stop drinking because of the self-loathing in the aftermath, I stopped because I was obnoxious when I drank and my relationship wasn't going to survive that kind of behaviour for much longer.

I think using willpower alone means that you have to be absolutley 100% committed to it and the first few months are tricky, but feeling free of the temptation is, without doubt, the best part of getting to six months AF. Today is Day 292 and I could, very easily, pour myself one because we have a house full of alcohol and always will, but I just don't want to go back to behaving badly, feeling grim physically and topping that particular noxious mixture off with self-loathing the next day.

Whenever you decide you're back on the wagon, Maryland, if you can remember how grim those horrible feelings are, it might help. And honestly, the longer you are AF the easier it gets; no-one finds the first few months 'easy.' I've still got a scar on my ankle where I fell over and injured myself on the last, catastrophic, night I drank and just seeing it for the first few weeks put paid to temptation.

Chardonnay wrote: »

Thanks HB. Yes that is exactly what I used to do on the AF thread too! Human nature I guess!

Hope all is good with you! How's your lovely new dog?

Yeah, I think I may have posted on the Giving up/Cutting down thread once a very, very long time ago, long before I went AF, full of good intentions and ... er ... that was the last of that idea. For about four years, actually. Still, at least I knew where I belonged when the decision was finally made.

The new-to-me-dog is absolutley lovely, thank you. He's settling in beautifully and there is noticeable progress every day. He spotted a mother at a cafe today on the Hoe (I live on Plymouth Hoe, how cool is that?!) and he made a bee line for her from about 50 yards away which puzzled me. I wouldn't have worried at all if she'd been on her own but she had a pushchair in front of her that was very obviously occupied and he shoved his head right into it - I nearly freaked out because if I'd ever been in those circumstances (I'm childless, which is fine) I would have been furious if some random person allowed their dog to do what he did. But she was lovely about it and the occupant of the pushchair was far more interested in the box of grapes mum was feeding him so all was well. Mum kept saying, 'Look at the lovely doggie name' to him but he just carried on munching!

He's a sweet-natured dog, waggy, friendly, happy, very out-going, the kind of dog that everyone who adopts a rescue animal hopes they'll get and often don't. He loves everyone, people and other dogs and has been the easiest adoption imaginable.