wife swapping.....

jackieblack

carmina_piranha wrote: »

I think (could be wrong though!) that a TA will get paid all year round rather than term time only,

The TAs I know are paid for 39 weeks a year (term times) plus 4.5 weeks paid holidays, and this is spread over 12 equal monthly payments so, although you get paid every month, you are only being paid for 43.5 weeks of the year (hence there are 8.5 weeks of the year - 2 months - that you are not being paid for)
Hope that makes sense

FBaby

It sounds to me like your OH hates his job, is exhausted from the pressure and physical demand and imagine life at home much easier and is now graving it. You know that being a SAH parent is not always what it is made to be and feel you could benefit from working again, but you know that working full-time is exhausting and not always rewarding.

I think it is fair to give your husband a break and let him become a SAHD but if I were you, I would try to make him realise that it might not be as relaxing and satisfying as he might imagine. He needs to understand that if you are going to work full-time he needs to appreciate that he will be responsible for most of the housework and other duties and these will need to be done in a routine manner to a vast extent.

Yes, you will miss the good aspects of being a SAHP but you will still have all the school holidays to enjoy with your kids and that's a lot more than many gets.

Only time will tell how it works out. Your husband might decide that after an initial relief to not have to get up to go to his job, he is bored to death and want to get into an professional activity again. You might decide that he is not getting on with his duties in the way that really supports his family and would prefer to cut down some hours and help him more around the house. You might decide you love working and want to gain more qualifications.

As it stands, your husband is very unhappy and as a loving wife, it is right to start making changes for him.

onlyroz

It does seem a bit drastic for him to quit his job entirely. Is there scope for him to go part time?

pmlindyloo

My thoughts.

If your husband is so fed up with his job I am wondering why he hasn't tried to find a new one. Or has he?

I only ask because you say your OH is very laid back. Is this about life in general (not a lot of motivation) or just about the housework.

If he stayed at home would he be a bit of a lounger (which would irritate me like crazy!), treating it like a long holiday or would he see it as a proper 'job'. Would he see it as a chance to gain some new skills?

Certainly as the children get older he will have a huge gap in his CV and may find it difficult to get back to work.

I sense that really you are not very keen on the idea and worry that you will feel resentful and this will, without doubt, put a tremendous strain on your relationship.

So, I would be having a real talk about all this. It's not a case of your OH having a break - God knows there are lots of people who hate their job and would love to give up - it's about a job change. Being a stay at home dad is a job (although since your children are at school there will be a number of hours each day that are 'free'). How does he see his role?

My suggestion?

Have that chat.
See if you can get a job.
Then if your OH sees his new role as a job/getting new skills then go for it.

But only do it if you are absolutely convinced that you won't feel resentful.

pukkamum

onlyroz wrote: »

It does seem a bit drastic for him to quit his job entirely. Is there scope for him to go part time?

Not in the job he is in, its the shifts and the extreme monotony he objects to. The job has changed from quite a physical one to simply machine minding, sitting for the majority of the time.

FBaby

My gut feeling is that the way he feels about how his job has turned has affected his self-esteem and that is why he is so negative about other careers. I expect once he is home, unwinding and realising that there is more to life, he will find a renewed energy that will inspire him to consider retraining.

carmina_piranha

He could try being a lunchtime supervisor at your kids school, then the INSET days will be the same for him and the children. It's not much, I earned around 1k for 6 months but it breaks up the day and I enjoyed it. I was sessional so I didn't get paid during holidays.

I left because I got full time work (term time only, so it's only the INSET days I have to find childcare for as mine mostly matches up with my youngest's school) and initially it was hard to miss a parent activity or assembly but I took an afternoon off for the christmas one, and my husband has been to one. We get invited into school at least three times a term. When I was a SAHP I usually had a few working mums asking me if their child could latch onto me at the parent activities and that worked well, so I did the same for one activity and asked my friend to take my son under her wing. He said he'd have been sad if he'd been on his own, but being with a friend and his mum was okay

NiallB

pukkamum wrote: »

Lured you in with a racy title!

I want my money back!

Broadwood

Still an interesting thread despite the misleading title.

I'm guessing you are both in your 30s or early 40s, but one point to bear in mind for your other half is gaps in NI contributions. It might become a problem if he spends many years as a SAHD.

I fell into a low-qualification job (despite 5 GCE 'O' levels) aged 19 delivering parcels. It became very boring even though I love driving. I took voluntary redundancy aged 48 and up-skilled to class 1 truck driving funded by the EU. I've been on a zero-hours contract with one of the multi-national parcel carriers for the last 9 years and often manage to collect the grandkids from school. I usually do 3 or 4 shifts a week which gives a brilliant work/life balance, no nights, very flexible and still pays well. Best (& easiest) job I've ever had with a great variety of destinations.

Has your OH considered this type of career change?

Mojisola

Broadwood wrote: »

I'm guessing you are both in your 30s or early 40s, but one point to bear in mind for your other half is gaps in NI contributions. It might become a problem if he spends many years as a SAHD.

His pension will be protected (until the youngest is 12?) if the child benefit is claimed in his name.