The single track road - life on a different path

System

Hey lovely lady xxx I hope you had a lovely lunch today with your ex and O. And that things with Him are going ok. As for the tax credits, ugh, I know very little about it so I can not explain why they were basing the payments on what you earns 2 years ago. It sounds like a real headache though!! Hopefully ynab will save you xxx

liltdiddylilt

Hello you!!!

Just catching up with diary land and your tax credits saga in full. Oh dear me! I really think the tax credits system is almost designed to catch people out sometimes. Its like the expect everyone needing them to somehow be crooked. It frustrates me for the genuine cases who honestly need that support. I'm not sure I am getting this correctly, but they always work a year backwards... UNLESS the current year is far less than that and then they correct it for that. SO when I was on maternity leave, despite earning £18k the year previously, they amended it to be based on what I would earn in the year I was off on maternity for 9 months of it, and this was around £6k :eek: - so they paid me based on that figure, but then when I went back to work and moved into the next tax year, despite earning much more again (though part time) they still paid me that entire year based on my maternity leave. So I got 2 years for the price of one... :eek: - its definitely a broken system.

Just so you know, as they won't have told you this yet. When you call to cancel tax credits relating to childcare, they extend the payments to you for a further 2 (or maybe 4) weeks... So you will be paid an extra amount at the end even though you're not paying out for childcare any more. It really confused me, but apparently they do it every time! So that a little extra cash in a pot for O there.. or just to tide you over this drop.

How I wish I could come and sit and create YNAB with you and set it up so that you were flying with it!

Hope you've had a lovely weekend, and that the monster child wasn't too bad and was quickly dealt with by Him on Saturday. Hope ex had a good fathers day too!! xx

MeandO

Hello all

I'll keep it short today as am super-tired and not feeling 100% today.

Thanks for the tax credits know-how Lilty, I'm not really sure what they did originally, but have decided to draw a line under it now and not dwell on it. I should be ok as long as I am careful with my budget and don't overspend and the payments in the last couple of months have really helped, so I can't complain. YNAB is definitely up there on the ist of 'important jobs to do', but am aware that my head needs to be in the right place to concentrate on it and I'm not there at the moment - too tired! Hopefully later in the week... and I wish you were closer too!

Weekend was quite nice on the whole. Had Him to myself Friday night, Saturday the monster-child came down, but she was rather well behaved and they didn't stay the night at mine - Him's decision, as he didn't want her to kick off at mine all night, which I was secretly grateful for. It meant that I didn't get to see Him saturday evening/Sunday morning, but my household was much calmer and happier. He had a terrible night with her at his flat - she was up until 11.30pm and then waking all night and still getting up at 2am apparently! :eek: I think he realises he needs to sort this now.

Ds and I took his Dad out to a local new playpark and cafe for lunch. It was nice, but somewhat difficult at times. I think the ex would rather have gone elsewhere for a more substantial 'meal out', but as I said to him, I'm on a budget and this is where O really wanted to take you. Although he didn't come out and say it, it was obvious he was disappointed, which annoyed me slightly to be honest. It cost me £36 for a meal, cake, two rounds of hot drinks and parking, so on the whole, not exactly cheap!!! We went for a walk along the coast afterwards and I think he enjoyed in the end, but I won't lie and say it was an easy outing. As much as we get on, there's just an odd atmosphere when the three of us go out, it's like he constantly doesn't want to be there or is grumpy about something, I always feel like I've done something wrong somehow.

Yesterday afternoon, Him came over again and we just spent the afternoon snoozing and chatting really, just the two of us, which was nice. He took me out for dinner last night, and we had a big chat about the future. I should say, there have been some issues between me and Him this past week which I won't go into on here, but it upset me greatly and pretty much sent me into turmoil.
The lovely Lilty jollied me through last week pretty much and for that I am so grateful. :A Love ya girl x

Anyway, last night over dinner, we talked about us and I was completely up front with him and told him 'us' wasn't working for me as it was. I'm not happy with the long distance relationship thing due to his work and, it saddens me greatly, but I don't think it will work if it continues the way it's going.
I was surprised at how visibly upset Him was - he's not one to show or discuss his feelings and is an avid 'men don't cry' type of bloke. However, it seems me being so upset has been the reason for his tears twice this week now... :(

To cut a long story short, he made me very aware of how much he loves me, wants this to work and has asked me to give him 6 months to try and save as much money as possible in his extremely well-paid role, so that he can develop a business. I know he has no choice but to work away and has a daughter to support, and he is trying very hard to build a life for 'us', so for that, I have to be patient I guess.

He has also paid me back some money he owed me, so I need to put the cash in the bank as soon as I can get to one. He has another chunk to give me, but I declined the cash and asked him to transfer it electronically so I don't have to get to a bank, so he's going to do that in the next day or two.

The child benefit has gone in, payday is in a few days and I should receive the pesky outstanding refund from paypal in the next day or two that messed up my account in the first place. So basically, I should be able to transfer some money back to my savings pots and have a positive balance again soon.

Tonight's plan is to do very little... once Ds is in bed, I shall tidy up, sort the lunches for tomorrow, maybe do a bit of gardening and then shower and bed for myself. A very early night is on the cards for me tonight - I'm not feeling particularly well - my neck is swollen, my glands are up and my throat feels like I've swallowed a razor blade - so I'm hoping an early night will help me feel better too.

Sorry - this wasn't very short after all was it!

Hope Monday's been kind to you all.

xx

hummingbird

Wow you're having to process such a lot MeandO, are you some kind of wonderwoman or something lovely??:D Just reading through what you wrote yesterday made me see again (what I already know) in all the directions you're being stretched.

That's frustrating that the ex seemed disappointed with the lunch location - unless he was just feeling fed up generally because things for him aren't ideal....... it could have been the same wherever you went and whatever you did, and I'm sure he would have greatly appreciated that you'd treated him and he had time with you and O, probably harder than usual for him on that particular day though:o

Well done for being open with Him and telling him the ways it's not working. He needed to know that.....whatever he decides to do about it from now on, you've been honest.

You have so much to be extremely proud of yourself for, and I don't like to see you being hurt in different directions all at once. Look after your lovely self hun, I know we all say this and I also know how much easier said than done it is too!!!!

H xxx

MeandO

Ah lovely Hummingbird, thank you for your post. :heart2:

To be honest, that's only the half of it at the moment - work is just too bad to mention and there's ongoing family illness and let's say 'lack of understanding' issues, but I'm not going to go there!

I'm doing ok hun, although I won't lie - last week was quite upsetting, but I'm through that for now. I can't say I'm eating particularly well:o, but I'm keeping busy in the evenings and trying to get early nights, so am halfway there.
Am trying to chip away at the debt as that keeps me motivated, but will have to wait until payday now which is onlye TWO DAYS away - not that I'm counting lol!

So, today I've put the cash Him gave me back in the bank, resulting in a positive balance again. :T Just about to cancel the temporary overdraft online now.

I've also phoned up to cancel the joint life insurance me & the ex had together as we both now have separate policies. That'll save me about £12 a month.

Last night I got a bit more of the landscaping done, but am short on some bags of pebbles so I need to order a few more. They were only £2 odd a bag from HB, but I need to order them to store, so will do that shortly.

Once payday has arrived, I can order some more wood to finish Ds's play area. I could do with some more of the rubber chip play surface, but they're not cheap, so may have to wait until the following payday for those, we'll see.

I had a couple of surveys which I've been screened out of, that's about it for now I think.

Have a good day all
x

liltdiddylilt

Hello lovely lady!

Just reading about that weekend makes me mentally exhausted. So many ups and downs and crossed thoughts. No wonder you aren't feeling too hot. I'm sending you all my love and hugs!

Yay to cancelling life insurance and having money coming back at you from all angles. I was very excited by an £8.63 coming back to me from TCB into the bank yesterday. So excited I spent it on almond and cashew butter in H&B today

Sounds like you are doing amazingly, as always. Keep that chin up. Sit in that lovely little boat in the garden and think how far you've come!! xxx

System

Hey chickaroo, just caught up and wow, so many things I want to say!! HB has it right... You are wonderwoman

Sorry that ex was grumpy on Sunday. Maybe he was just feeling down about it all. I guess he's riding the same rollercoaster as you, knowing that things between you romantically won't work, but then feels he should've tried harder etc etc. Father's Day would highlight those emotions even more. I'm glad he enjoyed it in the end. And yes, £36 is not a cheap outing!!

As for Him, it was good that you were so honest with him & that he told you how he felt. He clearly loves you, and I hope that if you're both meant to be together then that's what will happen Fingers crossed that his daughter settles down soon, as that must be tough when she's there misbehaving.

You must must must post pictures of O's play area when it's all done I can't wait to see it!!

You're doing just fabulously hun big loves xxx

Levi-

hi Me&O,
Loving the sound of this play area, sounds amazingg!! O is so lucky to have a creative and fun mumma!
I'm so sorry to hear of all the things life is chucking at you and all the plates you are having to keep spinning, I hope you are remembering to take care of yourself lots as if you don't, there is no way you can keep all those plates spinning properly.
Hope things will improve with your fella now that things are more clearly set out and there is a goal in sight for things to improve, that sounds like good progress. And I'm so glad to hear (via my thread) that you are dealing much better with the times O is away, I thought of you a lot when I was thinking about how I'd cope with L being away and how you handled it and expect some of the same emotions but it is inspiring to know that you have dealt with it so well and worked out coping mechanisms.. as you and Lilt pointed out on my thread, it is like losing a limb when our worlds literally do revolve around those little humans of ours:)all the bestxxxxxxxxxx

MeandO

Thank you lovely Levi :kisses3:
I never was any good at plate spinning! Yeah, I'm ok really. Life is throwing a lot at me at the moment but I'm not down about things like I was a few months back. I have my moments of sadness and sobbing of course, but on the whole, I'm looking at life a little more positively. Keeping busy and achieving things in the house & garden is definitely a massive help.

Last night I cleared my garage out - like EVERYTHING in it was put on the drive, sorted accordingly and then put back in tidily. The ex has taken a big box to the charity shop for me today, so that cleared a big space. There's lots of packaging cardboard boxes waiting to go to the tip, and some of the ex's currently-flatpack garden furniture will be moved when it's built (by me no doubt!:D) and his garden is ready for it, so even more space freed up.

I found a pair of glasses of the ex's which cost him £150 to replace a couple of months ago and his rugby boots which he's just replaced as he couldn't find them. :rotfl: He now has about 3 of everything lol. I binned a lot of rubbish, sorted some of Ds's outdoor toys to go to Daddy's house and swept the floor out all ready for my new cross-trainer to arrive.

Will post garden pics when it's complete - can order the rest of the materials today as it's PAY DAY!!! :beer: At long bloomin' last.... that was a looooooong 5 week month.

So, Tax credits seem to have paid me two amounts over the last two days too - not sure why, but will check through my paperwork again later to see if there are any explanations. They really are a mystery to me.

Money has been sent into various pots this morning, will be able to bulk those back up again this weekend when Him is transferring £300 to me for various things.

Oh, and I made a £13.50 overpayment to the loan yesterday after I received an unexpected refund on something.

Ok - time to fess up... I have made a rather large purchase this week and added to the debt a little. It was, however, a very considered purchase (2 months of deliberating!:o) and one that will be beneficial to me physically and mentally - oh, and it's interest free.
I'm not able to get to the gym now that I have my son 4 nights of the week and only see Him 2 nights, so cancelled my gym membership a few months ago which was costing me £33 a month. :eek:
I've been feeling in dire need of some exercise and can feel flabby bits returning where they'd previously disappeared, so I've bought a rather good cross trainer. I used to have one in my old house and used it loads, was super-fit and ran half marathons :eek::cool: so I know it's something I will get a lot of use out of and will help me battle a few demons - hopefully helping me sleep better too - my 4 hours last night was not enough...

Anyway, Lilty said I had to come and tell you all and you'd be nice. :rotfl:

I'll add it to my signature shortly.

X

MeandO

Just rounded down the bank account and made an extra payment of £15.70 to the loan, signature updated.