Advice about younger brother

MrJester

misspickle wrote: »

Great post joejester :T
You sound lovely to me

Aw cheers :cool:

Brickwall wrote: »

I never visit my brother, he turns up here at least once a week, I feel totally drained when he's gone, I usually get a text message saying to put the kettle on he'll be five minutes, if I say I'm not in I get a load of abuse off him.

It's the way he treat our parents that I seem to struggle with the most, I know it's not healthy for my own well being but I can't seem to get over that one big stumbling block.

Sometimes I look at how small our family has become over the years and think at least I have a brother, other times I think my life would be so much simpler if he left me alone.

Brickwall

That sibling sounds like an nightmare, I personally would cut the cord, blood or not.
No one seems to have a problem cutting friends or partners out of their lives even though they probably become the most important things to us. Why is it any different with blood relatives?

A family is formed through mutual love and respect. Not because you shared the same biological parent.
I am coming from the viewpoint of having a now non-existant father figure because they simply do not care, and a family of consistent takers who, like you Brickwall, have a chip on their shoulder should you ever dare to say no to them.

I do not accept this. I don't think you should either. I would do anything for the ones I love, who I consider my actual family. That family is very small right now, but I am very selective who is a part of it. Bad people don't deserve to be in it.

misspickle_2

Brickwall wrote: »

Our parents are no longer here, I've been left holding the monster.

Only because you choose too.

You do realise that don't you?

misspickle_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

So, you thought yourself better because you're strong?

Good for you. I'm glad it worked, rather than leading you to, say, self harm or worse to try and stop the crippling thoughts.


I can't even begin to react to the 'it's not as if somebody died' comment.

Oh go on

Give it a go!

Might make you feel better

misspickle_2

JoeJester wrote: »

Aw cheers :cool:



That sibling sounds like an nightmare, I personally would cut the cord, blood or not.
No one seems to have a problem cutting friends or partners out of their lives even though they probably become the most important things to us. Why is it any different with blood relatives?

A family is formed through mutual love and respect. Not because you shared the same biological parent.
I am coming from the viewpoint of having a now non-existant father figure because they simply do not care, and a family of consistent takers who, like you Brickwall, have a chip on their shoulder should you ever dare to say no to them.

I do not accept this. I don't think you should either. I would do anything for the ones I love, who I consider my actual family. That family is very small right now, but I am very selective who is a part of it. Bad people don't deserve to be in it.

Another great post.

Your on fire today Joe

Brickwall

misspickle wrote: »

Only because you choose too.

You do realise that don't you?

Up to a point I do realise that. The last couple of times he's been for money I've actually said no, doesn't sound like a big deal but to say no and get him out of the house without him throwing a rage is an achievement in itself. My main problem is the rages, believe me they're frightening when he starts.

My mum created the real monster tho, up until a few years ago if I spoke when he wanted to say something mum would tell me to shut up. Once, he was talking, believe me he never stops and talks over everyone, I said something to my dad and he turned round and told me to shut up because he was speaking, mum agreed with him!

MrJester

Brickwall wrote: »

Up to a point I do realise that. The last couple of times he's been for money I've actually said no, doesn't sound like a big deal but to say no and get him out of the house without him throwing a rage is an achievement in itself. My main problem is the rages, believe me they're frightening when he starts.

My mum created the real monster tho, up until a few years ago if I spoke when he wanted to say something mum would tell me to shut up. Once, he was talking, believe me he never stops and talks over everyone, I said something to my dad and he turned round and told me to shut up because he was speaking, mum agreed with him!

With respect, your mother sounded like she was an 'enabler'.

I think its time you use the power of a phone to tell him from a distance that you dont want him coming over anymore. And everyone else in your household is to have the same view.

You have been putting it off to keep the peace so he doesn't have a complete blow out. But next time he says i'm coming over, you say no thanks. And if he gets actually aggressive and if he even turns up, feel free to call the police.

This person is not family, this person is a user, a big child that needs to grow the hell up.
AND IM TWENTY FOUR. Doing it on my own. This person does not have normal behavior, and they probably in fact have mental issues to still be like this Brickwall.

Brickwall

JoeJester wrote: »

With respect, your mother sounded like she was an 'enabler'.

I think its time you use the power of a phone to tell him from a distance that you dont want him coming over anymore. And everyone else in your household is to have the same view.

You have been putting it off to keep the peace so he doesn't have a complete blow out. But next time he says i'm coming over, you say no thanks. And if he gets actually aggressive and if he even turns up, feel free to call the police.

This person is not family, this person is a user, a big child that needs to grow the hell up.
AND IM TWENTY FOUR. Doing it on my own. This person does not have normal behavior, and they probably in fact have mental issues to still be like this Brickwall.

I agree, basically I need to grow a backbone! My daughter goes out of the way when he comes, she's told me that she doesn't like the way he comes here when he feels like, or needs something, she says he uses me, I can't argue with her really.

Deep down I've always felt that the way he goes on isn't normal, whatever normal may be, I can't explain it really but I've never come across anything like it. I have some text messages off him on my phone, they're shocking really, full of abuse, I don't really know why I kept them, I think I kept them because I can't believe anyone would send such disgusting messages, I know he sent them because I've got them, does that make sense?

Brickwall

fivetide

Brickwall, have you considered giving him a pre-emptive kick in the nuts then telling him no?


I bet that will work. Guy sounds like a total nightmare.

pelirocco

misspickle wrote: »

And I really don't get the six week thing that keeps getting mentioned. Its hardly recent. Besides which nobody died. Its not grief.
When it comes to losing jobs the longer you wallow the worse it will be.
You have to get back on the horse again asap or your setting yourself up for a slippery slope.
The six weeks off is the problem!!! And it will only get worse.

You must be in great demand for your expert medical knowledge.

I know someone who suffers from severe anxiety , kept more or less undercontrol with medication at the moment .When the moments are bad , trust me they are bad and you live in constant fear of suicide , I can fully understand the parents being over protective . Its truely horrendous for the people close to the sufferer god only knows how bad it is for the person affected . Do you really think they want to live like that

pelirocco

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

So, you thought yourself better because you're strong?

Good for you. I'm glad it worked, rather than leading you to, say, self harm or worse to try and stop the crippling thoughts.


I can't even begin to react to the 'it's not as if somebody died' comment.

jojo like you i am amazed , shocked and even saddened by some of the views on here

suicide is the most common death for men under 35
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-statistics/suicide/