The guilt of making your kids revise

Mojisola

Jagraf wrote: »

Shes a hard worker, but also a teenage girl and I am, as she is, very much aware of how hard it is going to be. She has top predicted grades provided she works continually to the best of her ability. Basically its there if she wants it, and is up to her.

I am due to sit down with her to organise a timetable, for revision.

Why do I feel guilty then?

Jagraf wrote: »

She wants to do it.

She actually said to me I need you to keep an eye on me and I need to tell you what I've done at the end of the day to keep me motivated.

You're doing something that she has asked you to do so that she can achieve something she really wants - why are you feeling guilty?

I don't understand that at all.

jackyann

No, don't feel guilty - if she doesn't end up doing medicine, she will still know that she did the very best that she could.
I have loads of friends who wish they had tried harder at school - some had very good reasons for being unable to revise or work hard, some didn't.
I did my very best, and a working lifetime later, have no "what if" regrets. It is something precious you can offer your daughter.
Having said that, help her with a good timetable that gives her space to do fun things and space to relax - because what adults see as fun socialising can actually be stressful for teenagers.

When our kids were at that stage, we had strong feelings against "payment by results" that some parents bribed their kids with - I do not criticise parents doing the best that they can, but our family's philosophy was to work & study hard because you were lucky to have the chance to do something great with your life. Your result was assumed to be the best that you could do, whatever it was.

However, we did have a big "end of exams treat" as a reward for hard work.

I wish you all luck. PS: there are some posts on here that I want to "thank" but the button's not showing.

misspickle_2

Her bf walked in with the most adorable valentines bag filled with gorgeous card, teddy, DVDs, chocs, a frame for photos. Bless his heart. He's a lovely lad.
She has done him a personalised photo album, bought him chocs, huge card, smellys,
The works.
I am dropping them off for their valentines dinner at 6pm at a really nice restaurant.

So cute :T

Shame we have to leave the area next year

Still no guilt though!

Buzzybee90

You are aware it's her taking the exams, not you? Would have driven me mad if my parents got involved.

restless6

I do not feel guilty for my children revising as i value their education and the opportunities it may bring them. I explain the same to them, without an education they will be unlikely to acheive what they want and their exams are the demonstration of this.

I also do not reward results, but do reward effort. Therefore it happens after the last exam, not after the results day.

Jagraf

misspickle wrote: »

Science, English, maths, history. She is getting hammered left right and centre with tests, exams, projects, assessments.
I'm lucky though because she does balance really well and takes it all in her stride.
She also has a fantastic boyfriend who keeps her grounded. They are best buddies. Been together for months now!

Can I tell you about her valentines day jag?

Of course!

squirrelchops

As your daughter has recognised this is the start of numerous years potentially, of her having to take exams, supporting her to find a way of revising that works will help her in the future, for example when she is at Uni or college and she has to get her head together without having you helping her so closely.

I was terrible at revision and could have done better in my A levels. Fast forward 16 years and I went to Uni as a mature student. I found I had to break everything down in to small chunks to do my dissertation (this was on top of doing the work placement at the same time).

I set myself daily word limits - ie broke up total word count and worked backwards. Most of the time I only had to do 300 words a day to keep on track and would end up doing more so I was actually ahead of myself in the end. I also planned weekends when I knew I was busy or evenings I had an event and worked this in to a big planner. Was the only way I could see myself getting to the end goal without having a hernia!

Newly_retired

No need to feel guilty.
Sounds like both you and your DD have a great attitude.
She has asked you to support her and you are doing just that.
Perhaps you could try building in some small treats after a spell of revision, ranging from a break for a banana, to choosing the evening meal, to an evening out with whoever she chooses. Or whatever works for her. More reward than bribery.

Jagraf

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

You are aware it's her taking the exams, not you? Would have driven me mad if my parents got involved.

That's fair enough too. I don't think I'm overpowering her though.

misspickle_2

Newly_retired wrote: »

No need to feel guilty.
Sounds like both you and your DD have a great attitude.
She has asked you to support her and you are doing just that.
Perhaps you could try building in some small treats after a spell of revision, ranging from a break for a banana, to choosing the evening meal, to an evening out with whoever she chooses. Or whatever works for her. More reward than bribery.

Bribery all the way in this house!
Reward only applies after the event.
Bribery starts several months before