Do I message my ex husbands new girlfriend or not

Seanymph

You also of course risk what I had with my girls - they didn't ever get on with their dad's new g/f, and so he stopped seeing them. Then he moved to Canada.

They blamed themselves for 'not making more of an effort' with the drug taking idiots.

I'd have given anything for a new girlfriend where the problem was that she made too MUCH effort!

Mojisola

Mumoffourkids wrote: »

My ex has had a new girlfriend since just before Christmas and she met the kids at the beginning of January. Ever since then my relationship with my daughter seems to have gone downhill rapidly. This could be a coincidence though which is why I have a dilemma.

Whilst I am happy that my daughter seems to be getting on with my ex husbands girlfriend, I think the girlfriend is coming on a bit strong and my daughter seems to prefer her to me. I get all the strops, attitude and rudeness whereas she gets all the nice bits.

I've heard parents with children of that age saying the same thing about grandparents or a favourite aunty or the parents of their child's best friend (who always lets them do lots of nice stuff and never makes them tidy up!) or Dad who works away and gets all the attention at the weekend, etc.

You could be in exactly this situation even if you and your OH were together - it's a stage that you have to work through.

Although it's not easy, be pleased that your daughter gets on with her Dad's GF and that she likes your children - that's quite a compliment on the way you've brought them up.

fluffnutter

Is this another thread where the OP never returns...?

Peter333

Can't add much really except 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' :eek: Don't do it!

Peter333

fluffnutter wrote: »

Is this another thread where the OP never returns...?

Hmmmm, tiz very annoying. She did log in at about a quarter past eleven this morning, but didn't post on this thread.

Odd.

fluffnutter

Peter333 wrote: »

Hmmmm, tiz very annoying. She did log in at about a quarter past eleven this morning, but didn't post on this thread.

Odd.

Perhaps she didn't feel it was a welcoming place

spender

Don't do it, she may get on with her but she loves you x

Jagraf

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I think you need to put your own feelings aside for the moment and concentrate on what is best for your children.

If it were me, I would want to get to know the new girlfriend if it seems she is going to stick around - I would want to know who my children were spending time with whilst around my husbands.

If she is to be a long term part of your ex's life, then she will be a long term part of your children's life - and in turn yours - WHETHER YOU WANT HER THERE OR NOT. That could mean that long term, she is a huge influence on your children. You don't need to to make an enemy of this woman - NOR do you want to play your children like tennis balls between you either.

If she is long term, I would meet her and make a massive effort to get along with her - so all parents, biological and step parents, are singing from the same hymn sheet and on same side.

Remember this woman has done nothing wrong, she has hooked up with a single man - your relationship with him is long over - other than the dual parenting relationship. You have no reason to dislike her for she didn't cause your split

I think you need to work on yourself so you do not fly off the handle or you will quite literally DRIVE your daughter away (whether the new girlfriend is on the scene or not)

Jada Pinkett Smith has some excellent views on this stuff, as she helped to co-parent Will Smiths son
http://madamenoire.com/263444/blended-families-are-never-easy-jada-pinkett-smith-offers-advice-on-accepting-a-man-and-his-children-in-open-letter/

I wouldn't make all that effort personally, I would just butt out. No point trying to be all friendly when you're not, just so long as you are civil for the kids sake. Step parents have a hard enough job as it s,without having to make friends with the bio ex :eek:

Worked for us, its just a working relationship.

I think the huge influence comes from the step parent of the PWC.

Wantobeasaver

Just shows how hard it is to be a step-parent: show love and you're interfering, show disinterest and you're the archetypal wicked stepmother!

Jagraf

Wantobeasaver wrote: »

Just shows how hard it is to be a step-parent: show love and you're interfering, show disinterest and you're the archetypal wicked stepmother!

I think its hard all round. My daughters stepmom is polar opposite to me in every aspect but she has always shown me respect and me her. But we all keep our distance from each other, no christmas dinner together or pub together like some of my friends do :eek:.

The best thing for the kids I think is that each family can make their own decisions without interference from the other.