Do I message my ex husbands new girlfriend or not

missile

"Mumoffourkids" Is this how you see yourself? Maybe you should re-assess your role in life?

BWZN93

Agree with all the others who say don't text the woman - to be honest, it's good that your daughter has someone in her life right now that she gets along with. This stage of life is difficult, she's becoming a teenager and dealing with the fallout of your relationship with her father, as well as the fact that you say you get stressed etc.

I do think you need to get help if you are finding yourself stressed all the time. I wish my mother had done that, she went through her second divorce as I was 12 and was a nightmare to be around. Quite frankly, the woman never got help and is still stressed and bitter all the time and the relationship with her is pretty much kept at arms distance. Similarly, my sister and her's relationship is irretrievably broken.

Relationships take work; they aren't automatically given and your daughter isn't going to want to have interaction with you if she feels that most of your relationship is negative, I.e - you're nagging and stressing her out by being stressed out yourself.

BWZN93

missile wrote: »

"Mumoffourkids" Is this how you see yourself? Maybe you should re-assess your role in life?

I honestly wondered this also - independent identity other than mum might help the stress levels a little.

trolleyrun

Your daughter is 12 and most likely is having hormones raging through her, feeling new things she doesn't know how to deal with. Remember that a lot of people find it easier to confide in someone who isn't mum or dad, especially at your daughter's age.

Leave the GF alone and work on yourself and your temper instead. Your daughter just needs to know that you'll be there for her, anytime, anywhere. She'll be back once the novelty wears off. In the meantime, keep the communication lines open between yourself and your daughter. She will appreciate it eventually.

bunty109

Please don't text her! Bite your lip with the gf and talk to your daughter about what's up. Good luck x

DKLS

Great idea of your friends, that can't possibly backfire.

justme111

I thanked the posts mentioning the username but then thought - to be fair if any of us was a mum to 4 kids under 12 thats how we would likely see ourselves.
Op, if you have even considered doing what you mentioned in your op you have lost the plot. Or never had it may be ..

Seanymph

So you have not handled your seperation very well, you have lost control of your temper with your children who are dealing with losing their dad, you have damaged your relationship with your child - and your solution when you find she has found an adult who can offer her support and understanding is to try to drive that person away?

Lovely - great friend who suggested it.

Perhaps you should sort out yourself so you become someone your daughter wants to be around? Rather than drive other people away who are being kind to her?

rach_k

I remember being 12, I was awful to my mum! Nothing to do with parents splitting up, just hormones.

I wouldn't text the girlfriend and I wouldn't try to ask her to back off via any other means either. If anything, I'd just be nice to/about her. She is somebody your daughter likes so it may harm your relationship with your daughter if you try to push her away. Show your daughter that you can get on with the GF and your daughter might realise you're not so terrible after all

If you're on decent terms with your ex, you could half-laughingly mention that you think your daughter likes his GF more than you and he may take it upon himself to calm down any OTT treats that the GF is doing to ingratiate herself, but I wouldn't mention it if you're not friendly.

warehouse

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Sounds like you need to find some new friends.

Seriously, what kind of malicious cows try to goad somebody into threatening/getting all ChavEnders on an innocent party, when it's more likely to destroy the mum/daughter relationship than anything else?

Almost word for word what I wanted to say. How thick are your friends, really?