Miserly friends

theoretica

I remember a friend trying to calculate a fair contribution towards petrol money when I was going to drive - I enjoyed pointing out that she had offered to drive me on exactly the same trip the next month and surely the calculation wasn't needed.

thefrugalflirter

I definitely know a few people like this!
A friend of mine was having a party, and received a call from one of her other friends who was attending, asking out of the blue 'do you have Amaretto?'. My friend replied yes, and the girl just said 'oh great then all I need to bring is the coke' - and proceeded to drink all of the hosts amaretto & no-one else got any!

Another friend of mine kindly brought round a bottle of wine at a party I was having, I thanked her for it & put it in the fridge with all the other bottles of wine. She happily drank other peoples wine all night as it was offered & enjoyed the food I made, but at the end of the night kicked up a big stink because someone had opened her bottle & she hadn't had any, and said that she had wanted to take it back home with her! What?!?!

ellesbellesxxx

I had a friend who when we went out for dinner would have every course going, plus wine, then would put down 10 pounds and say that was all she could afford! Needless to say, no more dinners out

Jagraf

How about if you don't donate to a given charity, and then use that charity in the future, eg, Macmillan, age UK etc.

All this talk about people "not contributing to a whip round means you shouldn't expect anything back" yet if they looked at themselves I'm sure there are situations where they take and not give. Like giving back time when late for work, late picking up kids from school, cancelling dinner at a friends house at the last minute.

We are all too easy to judge, I think you are entitled to not contribute to a whip round but graciously receive a present if others have decided to do that.

I do get peeved at people eating or drinking above their fair share, as they can actually refrain from that quite easily and its just greed.

I'm sure none of my closest friends know whether they buy more expensive presents, or have given more or less, than me.

If someone judges me for not contributing, I would just make way for them to jog on.

Marisco

Two points, one, I hate misers/tightwads, and two, thank god I've never worked in offices!!

Joanthebone

I remember when one evening we were having a couple of 'friends' round for dinner, about half an hour before they were expected we got a phone call to say my husband's brother was very ill and on a life-support machine in another country. Obviously we were devastated and had to tell his mother etc. When I phoned this couple to explain they were most put out that they were not getting any dinner and suggested they came a bit later! I had to tell them that we were very upset and after that I only heard from her once more, she made no enquiry as to my BILs health (he had died) and still went on about how we 'owed' them a meal!!!

Jagraf

Joanthebone wrote: »

I remember when one evening we were having a couple of 'friends' round for dinner, about half an hour before they were expected we got a phone call to say my husband's brother was very ill and on a life-support machine in another country. Obviously we were devastated and had to tell his mother etc. When I phoned this couple to explain they were most put out that they were not getting any dinner and suggested they came a bit later! I had to tell them that we were very upset and after that I only heard from her once more, she made no enquiry as to my BILs health (he had died) and still went on about how we 'owed' them a meal!!!

Thankfully we can choose not to have friends like this x

Jagraf

From another perspective, we have turned down invites to restaurants knowing full well that certain friends are extravagant and we would feel obliged to go halves on extras that we wouldn't have ordered, expensive wine etc.

There are some people who have no concept that money may well be tight and they still continue to make people feel uncomfortable.

I have actually put money in a collection for someone else who was too embarrassed to say no, and I knew they didn't have the money. They put a fiver in like everyone else and then I put a fiver in their coat pocket.

Jagraf

"Shall we have a couple of bottles of wine with our meal?"
"No, really, I will just have a coke"
"Oh, go on, we don't see you very often"
"No seriously I won't want much to drink"
"Waiter, two bottles of your finest please"

The above happens to people often, and then they moan when friends don't go halves.

The other thing is starters and puddings. Sometimes in feel obliged, otherwise you are just waiting for someone else.

I DO go halves, but in the past its been under pressure and I just don't go out with these people again.

Teacher2

You are going to have to keep these liggers at arm's length for your own sanity. Withdraw politely and do not issue or accept invitations. Meetings with true friends should end in your feeling good, not fleeced.

The lines from 'Hamlet' are perennially true:-

'Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.'

The last time I loaned anyone anything was about two decades ago when a young colleague had her handbag stolen. I had two kids and a mortgage at the time but I loaned her £20. I never saw it back. I never wanted to feel so contemptuous of a person's ill behaviour again so I have not lent anything since. Nor do I borrow.

In your case it is offering meals and having your social generosity taken advantage of which is the problem. I should, as I say, drop the acquaintanceship.