Miserly friends

sulkisu

I am assuming that despite being misers, they must have some redeeming qualities, otherwise why would you class them as/treat them like friends. I have a friend who is generally mean when it comes to money or material things, but (strangely)who is very generous in time and effort. For that reason I can overlook the miserly behaviour.

Rev

I had a friend like this.

Once I was £10 short and the closest cash machine was out of cash (bank holiday weekend in August. Cash machines here are generally empty come Sunday afternoon). Instead of just saying give me it when you next see me he insisted I go with him to find a cash machine. We ended up driving half way around Liverpool, God knows how much he spent in petrol. Just to find a cash machine that had cash in for him to get his £10 back. I remembered a few days later he still owed me £30 from a time when he'd forgotten his wallet and I gave him the cash. I've never seen the £30 back.


Usually when I go for food with friends when the bill comes we divide it by however many of us there is and add on a few £ for the tip. We never argue over who had what. Except once. When I took exception. .



The same friend suggested we try a new Spanish place that had not long opened. So a group of us went. I'm veggie and as it turned out besides a starter of garlic mushrooms absolutely nothing on the menu was veggie. So I had that. Whilst everyone else had plates full.


The bill came And as usual the bill was split between us. It came to almost £40 each. I, and the rest of the group said that whilst it was what we normally did, it was hardly fair that I paid £40 for a small bowl of mushrooms that cost £4 And a glass of tap water whilst everyone else had stuffed themselves stupid but he insisted the bill was split equally.


I paid my £40 and have declined every offer of going for a meal with him since. I have no problem paying my share or covering others if they're short and I have the cash. But I refuse to have the pee taken. Life's to short to deal with people like that.

Hard_Up_Hester

My husband has 3 brothers & 2 of them are like this, 'first out the taxi, last to the bar' is how hubby describes them, his other brother is like hubby & would give you his last penny.

j.e.j.

Portia82 wrote: »

Despite all of this, they are both quite well off.

No. Because of all this, they are both quite well off

We had a skinflint at work, who was always cadging cigarettes and other things, and never contributing to leaving- or birthday presents.
He actually drove an expensive sports car, went on skiing holidays and had a nice house in a sought-after area, which his parents had stumped up for.

BigAunty

calleyw wrote: »

Just could not do that. Would not sit right with me.

...

Some people have the cheek of the devil :rotfl:

Well the most amazing thing about my friend who had a circle of domestic slaves and bill payers surrounding her is that she would not reciprocate.

If you summoned up the nerve to ask her for a favour, she made out that you were asking the world, then she would do it so badly that you would never ask her for anything again.

For example, she did a bit of very reluctant cat sitting for me. I later found out she kept them locked in one room and then she demanded that I pay for her washing machine compatible throw be dry-cleaned. On another occasion, she was supposed to pick up gifts for a secret birthday party but handed it over to someone else to do just before the shop shut at 5 because she had a hangover.

I later came across a description about passive-aggressive people and the characteristics chimed with me because she was just so disorganised and resisted taking any responsibility.

PA is about a person having a 'seductive veneer' but 'The worst case of passive-aggressive behavior involves destructive attitudes such as negativity, sullenness, resentment, procrastination, 'forgetting' to do something, chronic lateness, and intentional inefficiency."

"These traits include making one's own misery, the inability to analyze problems, blaming others, turning bad feelings into angry ones, attacking people, lacking empathy, using anger to gain power, confusing anger with self-esteem, and indulging in negative self-talk. Lastly, the authors point out that those who hide their anger can be nice when they wish to be."

That really sums her up - she was charming but self pitying, demanding but not giving. I knew when we were friends that if she invited me out for a meal or an event, I would have to pay and if I was invited to hers for coffee, I would be spending half the afternoon up a ladder, all the while hearing 'woe is me'.

calleyw

BigAunty wrote: »

Well the most amazing thing about my friend who had a circle of domestic slaves and bill payers surrounding her is that she would not reciprocate.

No that does not surprise me at all.

some people are just takers.

As I said it does not sit well with me. But then I was brought up to say please and thank you. And take a gift for the host.

Yours

Calley

pickledonionspaceraider

People will only behave around you, how you allow them to behave - and passive aggression solves nothing..

Is speaking our minds a thing of the past?

pickledonionspaceraider

j.e.j. wrote: »

No. Because of all this, they are both quite well off

We had a skinflint at work, ................. never contributing to leaving- or birthday presents.
He actually drove an expensive sports car, went on skiing holidays and had a nice house in a sought-after area, which his parents had stumped up for.

That is really unfair IMO - and well done to him for not bowing to peer pressure and office politics

Unless I work with a friend, I would never give money to a colleague just because by default we share the same air at work.

jumpingjackd

I would dump them. it may be amusing but will come a time when you really resent their miserly ways I think

I moved into a new house and my neighbour asked me if I smoked, said yes, did she, and she said she only smoked OPs so could she have one. (she had to explain to me that meant other peoples, lol) I was dumbfounded! I did continue to give her some for a bit, then just made excuses when I was fedup. Couldnt believe the gall of her

jaylee3

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Yep, you usually DO find the richest people are the tightest! Because they spend their whole lives scrounging and begging off others, and never give back. They will turn up at mealtimes, and eat all YOUR food, they have always forgot their cigarettes and only brought a fiver to the pub, they rarely buy a round, and will try every trick in the book to get others to pay for stuff.

If you are selling something, they will expect you to give it to them for nothing, and they will beg lifts and NEVER offer petrol money!

These are selfish feeders, and parasites. I have known many people like this, and eventually kicked them to the kerb, because I deserve better!

:T

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

I know someone a bit like this - always wants to come to visit around meal times knowing that they will be fed and are not shy about getting to the food first and taking massive portions, leaving little for those behind. Also they've been known to help themselves to anything in the fridge.

Add to this that whenever possible if someone is popping to the shops they will ask - 'could you pick up x, y or z for me' then 'forget' to give the money for it so you have to pester for the money and are treated like you're being miserly/unreasonable in asking to be repaid.

Properly annoying!

ARGH! I hate this type. I know so many people who get you to buy something for them, and you never get the money back. And you feel bad if you ask for the money back: YOUR money! :mad:

BigAunty wrote: »

Yes, I had a miserly friend (note the past tense).

She was a sob story merchant so used charm rather than direct scrounging. She had a marvellous way of appearing to never spend any money while claiming to be in debt while simultaneously managing to enjoy expensive holidays and claiming to have no savings.

She had the knack of getting everyone to fix everything for free, persuading people to install a new kitchen and bathroom, pay for her window repairs and decorating, gift her furniture and furnishings, repair her car, sort out her PC, by complaining how broke she was or how terrible she was at household tasks. She managed to outsource everything - one friend would be editing her CV, another changing her lightbulbs, another giving her free driving lessons, someone fitting shelves, another paying off a telephone debt, another friend giving her a mobile handset, another fixing her bike while someone else would give her a lift to an event. That would be a standard week!


She never bought a round and would usually forget to reimburse anyone who bought her a cinema or theatre ticket. She would cry about how her flat might get repossessed because she was so broke, how debt collectors were hassling her.

She enjoyed a really active social life (mainly at other people's expense) and long-haul holidays, all the while claiming her life was terrible and dishing out another household job or expense to someone who believed her. "Weep, wail, moan. Any chance you could print these docs for me, I'm waiting for x person to give me their old printer"

Hats off for her combination of scrounging and getting people to become her personal household staff!

Oh Big Aunty. If I had a fiver for every person I have known like this! Everything wrong in their life is everyone's fault but theirs, and everyone has to rally around them, and give them everything without taking anything back, because they are so hard done by that it would be cruel.. because their lives are soooooo tough. Always the victim, and NOBODY else has had such a tough life!