Miserly friends

McCloud1

On the topic of dealing with differing budgets amongst friends:

One of my closest friends is insanely wealthy, and is a generous guy. Sometimes he will want to do something that I could never afford, but will want me there. He'd be upset if I said no, but knows I cannot afford it, so will happily cover what I cannot. If he did not offer to cover it, I would simply decline, and tell him why if he asked.

Whilst you can't reciprocate at the same level in this situation, I've paid for numerous meals, drinks and the like when I've only had a few hundred left in the bank, and know he has quite literally 10,000 x that available to him. The reciprocation to financial means ratio is the same, regardless of actual sums spent. It's about self-respect and respect for the other person, not the figures involved.

Despite 8 years of friendship, money has never even been discussed as an issue, to the point we have never acknowledged that he has more money than me. I didn't tell him I was in debt last year, as I knew he would bail me out. Consequentially, there is never any awkwardness about money, and there is healthy mutual respect and trust.

dandelionclock30

I would still feel like a sponger if someone was subsidizing me irrespective of our individual circumstances. I suppose it depends on what a person is comfortable with.

purpleshoes_2

Horace wrote: »

I remember organising an office Christmas Party and our boss said that he would pay for the wine. Well the boss didn't pay for any wine, he didn't even turn up so as we couldn't very well have dinner without wine, I arranged it myself. Mind you I asked the venue for bottles on a sale or return basis and not to just open a load of bottles and leave them on the tables. I remember that the waiter made a point of telling everybody that I had bought the wine and some knew that I was at the bottom of the pay scale and therefore didn't have much money so they refused the wine, one person offered to pay a share and others just guzzled like it was going out of fashion whilst at the same time telling me how stupid I was and that I shouldn't have bought it. Didn't stop them drinking though did it and they were most miffed to find that there weren't any bottles for them to take. I never did get my money back but vowed after that to not organise staff parties again.

When I go out for a meal I pay for my own and that way I don't get stung for bottles of wine which I don't drink. These days though I don't go out for a meal that often due to being skint but when I do go out then I take a friend with me and have a pub meal when there is an offer on eg. 2 for the price of 1 and a free starter or pud - I buy all the drinks because my friend drives us there and then we will split the cost of one paid for meal so we both pay the same and neither feels put upon. It is something that we just do, I didn't ask but we did come to an agreement.

There's always a way to organise a staff party without someone getting stung. In some office jobs all we did was have a buffet at lunchtime and if we did have a meal on top of that it was an organised night where everyone paid for the meal before they went, it usually included a bottle or two of wine for the table and if people wanted more than that they put into a kitty or they paid their own.

In the scenario that happened to you, all you had to do was say to people, if you want a drink, pay for your own. Its horrible what happened to you, but no way on earth would I spend cash I couldn't afford on a number of colleagues who sat drinking wine I paid for in front of me.

Chlorine7

I have a friend who is a bit of miser when it comes to buying rounds and splitting the bill i.e. she'll leave just before hers or will order drinks at dinner when noone else is drinking but at least she's not as bad as some of these people.

We have learned not to get in rounds with her or it's worth all of us getting a drink at a meal.

ellesbellesxxx

I just remembered something else which is so miserly it is fairly funny - although we did think it was taking the mick somewhat...


At our wedding, we paid for my BIL and SIL's rooms at the hotel - they wouldn't have been able to afford them and had said how nice it would be to stay - well, we made the decision we would pay for their rooms as a treat.
Next morning, when my hubby was checking us out, he was asked to settle a room bill for my BIL's room - for 2pounds 30p for a coke - he couldn't be arsed to find 2 pound 30 so charged it tothe room and got us to pay!!!!
Although it is a small amount I did think that was rather cheeky!

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

ellesbellesxxx wrote: »

Next morning, when my hubby was checking us out, he was asked to settle a room bill for my BIL's room - for 2pounds 30p for a coke - he couldn't be arsed to find 2 pound 30 so charged it tothe room and got us to pay!!!!
Although it is a small amount I did think that was rather cheeky!

Not making excuses for him, but possibly he might have ordered the coke as room service, and then he wouldn't have been asked to pay as it would have been automatically added to the room cost. Still, he should have settled it even if that was the case, but it would have been easy to forget.

BigAunty

I always laugh at my partner's tale of misers known to their family who went on holiday with them. The family would hire chairs and an umbrella on the beach and buy takeaway meals. The couple would sit on a towel on the sand and split a peach that they bought along for lunch. Actually split one piece of fruit?!

My mother swears she heard of a woman who went on a coach party day trip and bought along her own potato to ask a local cafe to heat up for her (the cafe refused).

And I remember my partner and I tucking into seafood platter at a harbour side cafe in Greece with a woman at the next table cooing over it. Her partner snapped 'it's a waste of money'. She kept sneaking glances at our food all night and looked really mournful.

BigAunty

I used to pretend to my mother that I could put train fares through my company when I was self-employed, in order to persuade her to let me provide tickets for her. I wanted to save her money so I kidded on they were 'free', saying it was a legitimate tax deductible expense - I didn't want her to spend a lot of money to see me and knew she wouldn't accept me buying them.

My brother asked me for a set of these 'free tickets' to visit me so I told him the truth, that I was just personally buying them but pretending they were free to save mum money.

Firstly, he told my mum and she got really upset with me. Secondly, because I didn't donate train tickets to him, he never came to visit. (Same brother who once re-gifted me for Xmas the same bottle of booze that I gave him the previous year).

sulphate

BigAunty wrote: »

I always laugh at my partner's tale of misers known to their family who went on holiday with them. The family would hire chairs and an umbrella on the beach and buy takeaway meals. The couple would sit on a towel on the sand and split a peach that they bought along for lunch. Actually split one piece of fruit?!

My mother swears she heard of a woman who went on a coach party day trip and bought along her own potato to ask a local cafe to heat up for her (the cafe refused).

And I remember my partner and I tucking into seafood platter at a harbour side cafe in Greece with a woman at the next table cooing over it. Her partner snapped 'it's a waste of money'. She kept sneaking glances at our food all night and looked really mournful.

I have a friend who used to take her own teabags to Greggs and ask for hot water :rotfl:

ellesbellesxxx

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine wrote: »

Not making excuses for him, but possibly he might have ordered the coke as room service, and then he wouldn't have been asked to pay as it would have been automatically added to the room cost. Still, he should have settled it even if that was the case, but it would have been easy to forget.

Lol, usually I would think the same but nope he definitely intended for us to pay... He checked out before us and the bill was deliberately left for us...!!!