Heartbroken, my husband left me this morning for another woman

paigesaunt

I completely hold my hands up to accepting some of the blame, I have been very nasty verbally and on occasions (such as the night he told me about other woman) physically, something I'm ashamed of, I did cut his ear somehow, no doubt he's been proudly using it as his reason for leaving, missing out the bit about the other woman that led me to loose it momentarily. It wouldn't be fair for me to pretend I'm not to blame in any way, but not as much as he wants me to believe to ease his guilt probably.
I have at least stopped crying now, but have sent him messages, I asked if I could do that to help me come to terms with it, I said I don't expect any replies, but it helps to at least have that little bit of contact, so far they've not been delivered so assuming he's blocked me.
He's a builder so all his things are still here which he'll be coming backwards and forwards daily to collect, I asked him if he could do that in the mornings when I take our son to work to avoid me seeing him as it's too painful, but so far as he's not replying to my very nice messages, I don't know if he will, or whether he'll get some kind of kick out of parading around in front of me knowing I want him to come home.
Anyway, it's really helped to write this down, got up at 04.30am, so was nice to get it out rather than just think.

FBaby

Just to pick up on the issue of the charges, you might want to read the -very long= thread about charges on the debt free wanabee, as I don't think they could enforce a charge on your ex's name if he isn't on the deeds any longer. It's quite complex, but there is a lot of very good advice on that thread that might help you.

VestanPance

DUTR wrote: »

So the lady that has a husband that drinks and gambles all the housekeeping knocks her about etc decides to find someone new and things happen before the divorce???

Yes, scum. Move on and then find someone. No excuses.

anotheruser

What a load of judgemental people!

How do you know the OP didn't bash him around or treat him really bad? Not saying OP that you did as it's not about you, just all those who are quick to stamp on your ex-husbands head without knowing full facts.

We know nothing. Even if the OP tells the forum their side of the story, we still know only half.

People should be supporting the OP, not slagging off her ex-husband!

tea_lover

anotheruser wrote: »

What a load of judgemental people!

How do you know the OP didn't bash him around or treat him really bad? Not saying OP that you did as it's not about you, just all those who are quick to stamp on your ex-husbands head without knowing full facts.

We know nothing. Even if the OP tells the forum their side of the story, we still know only half.

People should be supporting the OP, not slagging off her ex-husband!

Then he leaves, before sleeping with someone else. There is no excuse for cheating, none at all.

girlsmum

tea_lover wrote: »

Then he leaves, before sleeping with someone else. There is no excuse for cheating, none at all.

In an ideal world they should leave first, but rarely happens, reason is he had somewhere to go.. this happened to me 3 1/2 years ago it hurt like hell... OP will go through a range of emotions, blame being one of them. It takes time, but from experience and knowing other people who have gone through it there is a pattern 1 is how the absent person behaves, and 2 how, in time, you realise you have had a lucky escape.

Good luck OP

[Deleted User]

OP.., I am sorry to read your post. Even if things weren't brilliant between you, and you knew about the affair, its still a bolt from the blue that he'd leave you. Even if he told you he was a week ago (not saying he did, just illustrating the point).

Personally, I'd stop trying to message him. You've been very capable sorting the finances out, you safeguarded yourself in that sense over time. Well done.

But messaging him and getting no reply will just dent your confidence further. Your mind will say 'He's left me for someone else, got to be something wrong with me.., he won't even read my messages let alone reply to them like I'm a human being whose got any importance.., I must be even more to blame than I thought'.

Don't let his actions decide for you who you are and define your self worth. He's left because of him, he has his reasons, and they are very little to do with you. It sounds to me that although you are obviously very capable and loving, there might be some self esteem issues you could do with talking about when you are ready to.

I know you are feeling terrible.., but could you spend a few hours spoiling yourself? Doing something you like, even if its having a scented bath with the door shut? Think of something that you've always wanted to do if you could. And do it.

Sending hugs.

catkins

girlsmum wrote: »

In an ideal world they should leave first, but rarely happens, reason is he had somewhere to go.. this happened to me 3 1/2 years ago it hurt like hell... OP will go through a range of emotions, blame being one of them. It takes time, but from experience and knowing other people who have gone through it there is a pattern 1 is how the absent person behaves, and 2 how, in time, you realise you have had a lucky escape.

Good luck OP

Not a matter of an "ideal world". If someone has ANY morals whatsoever and even an ounce of respect for their other half they DO NOT be unfaithful to them.


For your information I do not speak as a bitter person. No one, to my knowledge, has been unfaithful to me and I would never ever be unfaithful to my husband as I know he wouldn't to me.


There is never ever any excuse for being unfaithful. The comments people come out with such as "I never meant for it to happen" are just pathetic. You make a conscious decision to take your clothes off and have sex with someone else

fivetide

Number of in-poster battles in this thread. Can everyone put their own issues aside on concentrate on the OP? (And there is a time and a place for humour, I don't think this is it).

marisco_2

paigesaunt wrote: »

Ive always been too scared to let him know how much I loved him for fear of having it used against me, as he told me in the very early days 20 years ago, that you should never show your feelings for anyone because they'll use it against you.

I am very sorry to hear of all the pain and upset you are going through OP. I hope that you have loving, supportive friends and family around you to help you through this awful time.

It sounds as if your relationship was very emotionally restrictive. A person shouldn't have to keep any of them self or their feelings back from the one they are meant to be closest to. Love isn't just about the good times, it is sharing the ups and downs, coping with moods, bad days at work, having each others backs when you each strive for things. If feelings are bottled up it makes reading what is going on for your partner impossible and causes a damaging wedge to form.

It will be a long journey, but ultimately I think your life will be much happier without your ex.