Heartbroken, my husband left me this morning for another woman

dating_thoughts

I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship breaking up. The worse thing about this can be first thing in the morning when you first wake up and for a split second everything's ok, everything's normal.....and then you start to remember and it all comes flooding back. It's so difficult but what helped me was this article http://www.datingallhours.com/tips-advice-guides/relationships-connections/relationship-break-up.aspx which helped me through the first few days to realise that I knew time would heal so I just needed to keep on going. Take each day at a time and to just try look after myself my trying to eat ok. The article I mentioned also did highlight to me that it's a bit like a bereavement, a relationship ending. But I suppose it's the relationship that has died. Just hang in there and take baby steps and each little bit at a time. As a lot of other people have already posted it will get better, and you'll look back and you'll be able to move on. Don't forget your friends in times like these as they can help to take you out to either try and forget things or be someone to talk to and hopefully try and get some closure. All the best

fairy_lights

paigesaunt wrote: »

Iam totally to blame, if I had shown him I loved him, he wouldn't have looked elsewhere, I should have learnt the first and second time, I know all I have done his pushed him away, and now it's too late, he's met someone who will make him feel good about himself.

You're not to blame, how could you show him you loved if he was as moody as you say, and his dislike of your son can't have made things easy.
If I'm reading your post correctly you are his third wife? Sounds like he has left for a shiny new woman because the grass looks greener with someone else, but that doesn't mean he's going to be any happier with her.

thorsoak

OP ....History has repeated itself - you are not to blame if he feels bad about himself - it would appear that there is lots that he should feel bad about!

First things first - if you haven't already done so, separate your finances from his - bank account/credit card etc. You say you have discovered that there is a third charge on the house - how did he manage to do that without your signature - has fraud occurred? Utility bills - set up new accounts in your name only from henceforth.

I realise that your heart is breaking at the moment - but try and focus on sorting out finances for now - recriminations will not help you.

I know it sounds harsh - but have a {{hug}} - you can and wlll come through all this - you deserve better. x

fabforty

What I find interesting is that there is a similar thread running by a wife who has cheated on her husband (but in her case, she was pregnant with her lover's child), and the responses couldn't be more different. Apparently(according to the majority of posters on her thread) in her case, there are excuses/reasons/justifications for being unfaithful. I am not passing judgement on either thread, because I don't know enough about their circumstances, I just find the difference in opinions interesting.


OP - Try to stay strong, you will get through in the end. I don't know all of the facts but I do know that it is not all your fault.
ETA - It's understandable that you won't be thinking clearly at the moment, but you should check your finances carefully, just in case there are any more surprises.

FBaby

Are you to blame for him having an affair (for the 3rd time), DEFINITELY NOT. Do you hold some blame for his decision to leave you, you seem to think so. Either way, he is gone and went about it the coward way.

bagpussbear

Very sorry to hear this has happened to you.

I just wanted to offer you a big (((((( hug ))))))

Laz123

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and take comfort you have a son who hopefully will give you support. My advise is read some good self-help books, like Louise Hay to boost your self esteem. Get some positive affirmation tapes and play them before going to sleep. He isn't going to change, leopards and spots etc. Only you can change and then you can find out why you chose his type in the first place so you don't make the same mistake again.

paigesaunt

Thank you everyone, it's good to get things out.

I spent yesterday arranging the household finances, got everything sorted and it's suprisingly quite low and manageable.

I live with our son (it's older son from prev marriage husband hates, lives elsewhere) and our sons girlfriend. Our son is an apprentice on a low income but is happy to do as much as possible.
I made a claim for ESA, child tax credits for sons girlfriend as she's still in full time education, I already receive child benefit for her, not sure if I'm entitled to it tax credits for her yet.
I'm going to Dr's today to get medical certificate to give me a breather.
I had a part time job lined up to start in March, but have made enquiries about full time work in the same place and seems promising.
Husband was named on one of my bank accounts which we set up to pay household bills, but I will be getting him removed today, other than that we have never had any financial link. I have never been privy to his many many bank accounts.

paigesaunt

I did know about the two charging orders, but believed they would have been included in husband bankruptcy a few years ago, but they were not, so selling isn't an option at the moment.
Husband not on deeds as I always knew he would do this one day, so I bought his share of the property from the official receiver for the statutory nominal fee of £1 back along, something husband always hated! This does of course now mean that I'm landed with his debt which would be paid from the sale of the house, leaving nothing, hence why I can't sell yet.

paigesaunt

As for our relationship, it just plodded along, neither of us were fulfilled but that's what you do, just plod along, he's never been one for showing his feelings, except negative ones that is, and Ive always been too scared to let him know how much I loved him for fear of having it used against me, as he told me in the very early days 20 years ago, that you should never show your feelings for anyone because they'll use it against you.