Gay relationship advice

purpleshoes_2

awolo1 wrote: »

I often feel like I'm treading on egg shells

worrying that if I am late, I will be subject to irrational and sarcastic comments

He does it in front of his family members which I find somewhat belittling (he lives in a separate part of the house, but there is shared space where they can be together).

if I talk to somebody else or look at somebody, he will think that I am not interested in him


I am very affectionate with him and very open about my feelings and do wonderful and lovely things for him and work my !!!!!!!! off to make it happen...and he is just so..lardy dar....he just expects things to be put on a plate for him.


in december we went to a 5* star hotel in london, which cost a few bob, it was part of his xmas pressie and to get away from the usual crowd, and all he was interested in was : how I funded it, how much it cost.

During this weekend break away, I wasplaying a spotify playlist, he said he liked it and wanted to share it to him. so he went to my phone, (which I unlocked) and he shared the link to himself. In my phone, was a message (it was WEEKS old) from somebody who I used to talk to and he read the message. I have nothing on my phone to hide from him and I explained who this person was (bearing in mind we had only been seeing each other for two months at this stage), he said why was i talking to somebody else. This other person was somebody I used to talk to before my current partner (nothing ever happened) it was friends, if that.

He is so suspicious of me..constantly trying to find issues..over analysing every little thing..

I have few friends and told him if I got a new friend would he approve of it, he says yes, but I doubt it very much. If I sat there messaging this person he would FLIP.

Why are you staying with this person when just about everything to do with your relationship is totally negative?

The more people on here are posting saying get rid, the more you are posting telling folk more things he does to upset you.

What do you think he's going to have to do to make you realise this person is using and emotionally abusing you.

System

purpleshoes wrote: »

Why are you staying with this person when just about everything to do with your relationship is totally negative?

The more people on here are posting saying get rid, the more you are posting telling folk more things he does to upset you.

What do you think he's going to have to do to make you realise this person is using and emotionally abusing you.

In fairness to the OP, sometimes it is difficult to see and accept. I was in a very difficult relationship with someone who was horrible yet i stayed with him. i made excuses and overlooked the bad stuff. Personally that was because i was scared of being alone. I wonder if the OP feels that way himself. He said it was difficult to find a relationship, maybe this is in turn fuelling a fear of finding someone else?

awolo1

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I really do feel for you you;re in a difficult position. But can you hinestly say you happy? If you're not you need to think about that.

i was happy to begin with because he made me feel special but then I started to see him when he gets angry, he is always right, he doesn't like a taste of his own medicine. my opinion is always wrong and he will shred me apart until he has finished.

what really upsets me is the amount of times I have visited him after a 70 mile drive and he ignores me because he is playing a game, reading or knitting.

or he will come into the house , start a conversation with somebody else (when I'm in the same room as them) and forget to say hello.

it was my birthday earlier this month, back in december when we went away for the weekend, he promised to buy me something (it was a very nice gift, might I add). I always thought to myself thats quite generous of him to buy me a gift like that, but I said it was up to him.

Turns out in Jan he couldn't afford it and said he could give me money or take me shopping. Nothing was ever said about it again. I had to practically hint to him to take me shopping.

He has made it quite clear that for his big birthday this year, he wants something special. Why should I bother? As far as I am concerned, what he did for my birthday (it doesn't matter about the money) was poorly executed and he became very forgetful about it, and I think that is because he didn't want to part with the cash.

he will say "no no no" when we talk, I know he is gunning for an argument. honestly, most of our arguments are started by him. he complained that it was getting him down, but it's difficult

list goes on. sorry it's all in a random order. it's late...for me...

DUTR

purpleshoes wrote: »

It's none of his bloody business the exact amount of money you owe and the interest on your credit cards.

You owe 6k and you are spending £200 a month on petrol to see him 3/4 times a week

Thats over 2 grand a year you could be putting to your debt, please get rid of this chancer and find someone else who doesn't treat you like something he wants to wipe his shoes on.

purpleshoes wrote: »

Why are you staying with this person when just about everything to do with your relationship is totally negative?

The more people on here are posting saying get rid, the more you are posting telling folk more things he does to upset you.

What do you think he's going to have to do to make you realise this person is using and emotionally abusing you.

I can sort of see both sides of this, I agree the OP should get out of it and very soon. He won't beleive in himself until he meets someone new.

On the other hand from his partner's view I can feel uncomfortable if a partner is appearing to spend beyond their means to maintain a relationship .
Even though the OP is in a gay relationship, I don't think the situation is any different for a hetro set up.

awolo1

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

In fairness to the OP, sometimes it is difficult to see and accept. I was in a very difficult relationship with someone who was horrible yet i stayed with him. i made excuses and overlooked the bad stuff. Personally that was because i was scared of being alone. I wonder if the OP feels that way himself. He said it was difficult to find a relationship, maybe this is in turn fuelling a fear of finding someone else?

I don't want to be single, we have made plans/arrangements further down the line, if I leave him: it will result in those plans being cancelled and some of those plans involve his friends (Who are nice people to be fair).

But after reading all these forum posts, I am scared of ending it.

DUTR

awolo1 wrote: »

I don't want to be single, we have made plans/arrangements further down the line, if I leave him: it will result in those plans being cancelled and some of those plans involve his friends (Who are nice people to be fair).

But after reading all these forum posts, I am scared of ending it.

At the end of the day, you put yourself 1st, as the old saying goes, I comes before U, and how true that is.
It's a pity you are drip feeding us bits n bobs (as it is starting to appear trolling) , I have not seen one positve remark about him and nothing that will outweigh all the negative stuff.
If he has missed your birthday as you say, then it clearly sounds like you are needed for money stuff and that is the kind of character he is seeking.

System

awolo1 wrote: »

I don't want to be single, we have made plans/arrangements further down the line, if I leave him: it will result in those plans being cancelled and some of those plans involve his friends (Who are nice people to be fair).

But after reading all these forum posts, I am scared of ending it.

Oh hun, i admit my plans i made weren't probably as serious (a gig that ive already oaud for and a festival), but i've effectively cancelled them. I didn;t want to be single either, but equally i didn't want to be unhappy.

I've never actually ended a relationship before, and what happened tonight was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do, but i did it for myself (and in part for him i guess). To begin with, like with you things were great. But there were issues. When he was actually here with me things were great, but outside of that, he shut me out. And i felt very alone. I don't know if you feel that too, but it shouldn't feel like that. I felt like i was the only one actually making any effort. He'd known for weeks i have 2 weeks off work coming (including valentines day) and i wanted to see him, but he just wouldn't commit to it, it felt like he just wasn't bothered. I felt like i was fighting a losing battle. Likewise ive always shown affection but he's always been quite emotionally distant. And that didn't make me feel good.

awolo1

DUTR wrote: »

I can sort of see both sides of this, I agree the OP should get out of it and very soon. He won't beleive in himself until he meets someone new.

On the other hand from his partner's view I can feel uncomfortable if a partner is appearing to spend beyond their means to maintain a relationship .
Even though the OP is in a gay relationship, I don't think the situation is any different for a hetro set up.

My issue with my finances is that I have had savings and not used them to pay off my debts. Thats the only issue. Looking back, I would have done things differently but as far as I am concerned we all make mistakes and learn from them. I think I have made some good steps in the relationship to pay my debt off as quickly as march.


My salary has been substantial enough to be able to afford some treats every now and again, but I have always reserved taht it is going to result in quiet months to recoup.

awolo1

DUTR wrote: »

At the end of the day, you put yourself 1st, as the old saying goes, I comes before U, and how true that is.
It's a pity you are drip feeding us bits n bobs (as it is starting to appear trolling) , I have not seen one positve remark about him and nothing that will outweigh all the negative stuff.
If he has missed your birthday as you say, then it clearly sounds like you are needed for money stuff and that is the kind of character he is seeking.

yes, I can understand that It comes across like that, but I started this post to see what other people thought of the situation.
i've had a great response, and it's definitely made me realise my options.

DUTR

awolo1 wrote: »

My issue with my finances is that I have had savings and not used them to pay off my debts. Thats the only issue. Looking back, I would have done things differently but as far as I am concerned we all make mistakes and learn from them. I think I have made some good steps in the relationship to pay my debt off as quickly as march.


My salary has been substantial enough to be able to afford some treats every now and again, but I have always reserved taht it is going to result in quiet months to recoup.

As long as you are managing your finances then that is all that matters, you worked for the money you so you spend it as you please.
It's not up to him to spend your money for you (especially when it sounds like he himself is skint) .