Gay relationship advice

DUTR

awolo1 wrote: »

agreed, and no, money is not an issue. my salary is higher than my debt. It is just I had not paid my debt quicker, so actually the issue of me having what is essentially a small amount of debt (Which I didn't manage properly) is not the bee all and end all.

I feel that it's been taken to a level that it didn't need to be taken to...and as a result...that conversation has created additional stress and arguments in our relationship..which has shown further his personality traits.

Debt is only a problem if the borrower cannot meet the repayments on time. I see it as your 'friend' is more concerned about your debt because that leaves you with less to spend on him :eek:
It's not unique to same sex friendships, for me nowadays my new aquaintances best have their own 50% on the 1st few dates or take turns to pay, I don't care how pretty they are, and if I want a laugh I can go to the glee club or jongelers.

piglet25

He is a prat who is looking for someone he can manipulate and talk into bankrolling him - that is why he is interested in your finances. He will crush your self esteem, drain your bank and laugh at you when he moves on to the next mug. Dump him now.

Pollycat

How have you gone from this (3/2/15 @ 11:35pm):

awolo1 wrote: »

He has blown it. Now I need to work out the best way on how to end this without being called a coward.

to this (yesterday 7:13pm)

awolo1 wrote: »

hi guys, sorry I've been away for a couple of days

So the latest is that I have asked him to start making the effort to come and see me. he responded to this with he has bills to pay etc so can't until next month. I was also then told we would not be seeing each for for a few days. turns out, he means all week.

so I have accepted that he wants a break. I've told him that having a break isn't exactly good in a relationship at this point, but he says everything will be fine.

-- this is his idea in my opinion of trying to get his own back

however, the reality is, he is in no position to come and see me this week, or for the next three weeks -- because of the above.

which leaves me in the same position, if I don't go and visit him, we won't see each other. so no matter how reasonable I have been with him about it, and him expressing that it wasn't right that I had to do all the travelling, he is yet to fully commit to the idea - which as far as I am concerned, doesn't help the situation because i'm back to square one....

also, the other day I told him that he isnt' expressive enough about his feelings or emotions, he said this will never change and he will never be open. I told him that he flips with me when I may not be entirely comfortable to talk about my finances (At this stage in the relationship) and said to him - you call me cagey?!


whats funny is I woke up this morning with a "can't be bothered" attitude anymore because I see him for who he really is. his true colours have shown and I think he is stubborn.

he isn't making me happy and talking to each other at the moment is very clinical/formal, although he is showing some humour since I suggested the other day that we need to laugh more rather than being so serious.

You had decided to end it but have accepted that he wants a break.
You acknowledge he's not making you happy.

gazebo

Why do I get the feeling this will turn a similar situation to Friends with the line "We were on a break" being used?

OP, this relationship is not making you happy. You have said this but do you understand what that means?

Take this time to learn to love yourself and think about all of your good qualities and strengths. Then step back and review - does this person enhance these or do they hinder them.

A loving relationship comes when you can accept a person for who they are, without the need to change them (at least that is my belief).

The picture you portray is you have found yourself a person only after you for money, not you and your personality.

ood luck in whichever path you take.

his_missus

awolo1 wrote: »

So the latest is that I have asked him to start making the effort to come and see me. he responded to this with he has bills to pay etc so can't until next month. I was also then told we would not be seeing each for for a few days. turns out, he means all week.

so I have accepted that he wants a break. I've told him that having a break isn't exactly good in a relationship at this point, but he says everything will be fine.

-- this is his idea in my opinion of trying to get his own back

however, the reality is, he is in no position to come and see me this week, or for the next three weeks -- because of the above.

which leaves me in the same position, if I don't go and visit him, we won't see each other. so no matter how reasonable I have been with him about it, and him expressing that it wasn't right that I had to do all the travelling, he is yet to fully commit to the idea - which as far as I am concerned, doesn't help the situation because i'm back to square one....

.

If you were my friend I would advise you not to visit him either. It almost sounds like he's testing you to see if you will go running to him. If you do go and visit him, he will continue to make excuses as to why he can't afford to visit you.


It's tough but you have to stand your ground. If he complains about not seeing you, remind him how he said he couldn't afford to this month so it will have to wait until next month. Remind him that you can't afford the journey either.


It sounds like he's trying to control the relationship and that never ends well

awolo1

I have ended our relationship this morning. I was reading up on domestic abuse and other personality disorders and it was just laughable. He ticked every box and I think it's only after reading that it has made me realise how selfish, rude and nasty he was .

His father told me back in December to leave him if his behavior continued. I should have listened sooner.

Thanks to everybody who gave advice, but I can continue living my life not in fear. I feel that he had me wrapped around his little finger. He pushed and pushed me away.

Pollycat

It may be raw at the moment but I think you made the right decision and I'm sure you'll think the same soon.
If you ever find yourself wavering, just read through this thread again and remember how badly he treated you.

Best wishes for finding a partner who will treat you with respect and love.

busiscoming2

awolo1 wrote: »

I have ended our relationship this morning. I was reading up on domestic abuse and other personality disorders and it was just laughable. He ticked every box and I think it's only after reading that it has made me realise how selfish, rude and nasty he was .

His father told me back in December to leave him if his behavior continued. I should have listened sooner.

Thanks to everybody who gave advice, but I can continue living my life not in fear. I feel that he had me wrapped around his little finger. He pushed and pushed me away.

:j I believe you have done the right thing. You will look back on this and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Look forward to a happier future.

piglet25

Good on you Onwards and upwards and you will meet someone who truly deserves you

Horace

I was going to say dump him but you have now. He doesn't deserve your love at all because he sounds like a nasty piece of work - nobody should have to put up with verbal abuse, or being questioned constantly.

Time to move on, enjoy life and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not for what you can provide. Best of luck for the future and stay happy.