Boyfriend potentially owes his ex money, advice needed please

sassyblue

Not many solicitors (round here anyway ) offer the free Half hours anymore, and I doubt any solicitor would write a letter for you aswell within that, they do want paying for their knowledge!

Besides a letter from a solicitor really carries no weight, it can be ignored.

gettingtheresometime

If she's as barking as you seem to think then personally I'd pay the balance and then forget about the household stuff if only so she can be banished from your lives all together.

As mije has said the fact that he's paid half of it suggests that he'd have a hard time fighting not to pay the remainder - and to be honest the time to talk about the furniture was when she originally asked for the money back not half way through repayments

kitrat

sassyblue wrote: »

Not many solicitors (round here anyway ) offer the free Half hours anymore, and I doubt any solicitor would write a letter for you aswell within that, they do want paying for their knowledge!

Besides a letter from a solicitor really carries no weight, it can be ignored.

Ok thanks. So if he writes a letter himself with some sort of offer in it's really going to be not much worse than a letter from a solicitor? And then wait for a response and go from there I suppose.

kitrat

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

If she's as barking as you seem to think then personally I'd pay the balance and then forget about the household stuff if only so she can be banished from your lives all together.

As mije has said the fact that he's paid half of it suggests that he'd have a hard time fighting not to pay the remainder - and to be honest the time to talk about the furniture was when she originally asked for the money back not half way through repayments

Sadly this is what I think too and I expect this will be the result.

kitrat

Yes to confirm it is all the usual household furniture, kitchen goods, linens, towels etc, just all the stuff you'd need if you'd have moved out from your parents and had nothing to start with. They paid equally for it all. It seems when the relationship ended a relative advised he shouldn't fight over all of that he should accept his losses and walk away. I'm not sure this was the best advice, had it been me I'd have explained to her that this was why I'd not be repaying anything or only a reasonable sum, I don't think an amicable discussion about this was held hence all the problems as now all the discussions are said in anger which is never helpful.

Will wait for the letter first and go from there. Thanks for the advice that was given.

January20

redpete wrote: »

Seems quite reasonable to change her mind about the gift / loan. The gift was made in the context of a happy relationship that they presumably both expected to last. When the relationship ended why would the BF expect to keep the money he had been given?

I don't agree with this at all! It's like her giving him an expensive Christmas gift at the beginning of the relationship and 3 years later when they split up, ask for it back!

She had said it was a gift, she shouldn't have changed her mind. That is not fair!

If the relationship had lasted a few weeks or a few months I would think differently but it seems it lasted several years.

OP, it will be very difficult for people to advise you properly because of the lack of details. That's your right. I'm no asking for more details but as a consequence most posters will see the ex-GF as a victim and your BF as a disloyal and mean person.

motherbored21

Judge Rinder.

FBaby

She had said it was a gift, she shouldn't have changed her mind. That is not fair!

Except that in reality, it probably wasn't a gift. The fact that she didn't make him sign a note to say that he had to pay it back doesn't make it a gift either. His agreeing to start repaying clearly means that he didn't consider it a gift either and most likely only doing so now because it just suits him.

As for the furniture, why wait a year to try to sort something out? Again, it strikes as him agreeing that he wasn't entitled to it then, but suddenly wanting to pursue it because of the loan. It is very difficult to know what a likely court outcome would be without knowing who came with what, who paid what during the relationship, who is paying for the loan if any was paid on credit card etc... and to be frank, I very much doubt you will ever know all the truth either OP. It is amazing how grey these arrangements become once in a new relationship. I would stay out of it.

kitrat

January20 wrote: »

I don't agree with this at all! It's like her giving him an expensive Christmas gift at the beginning of the relationship and 3 years later when they split up, ask for it back!

She had said it was a gift, she shouldn't have changed her mind. That is not fair!

If the relationship had lasted a few weeks or a few months I would think differently but it seems it lasted several years.

OP, it will be very difficult for people to advise you properly because of the lack of details. That's your right. I'm no asking for more details but as a consequence most posters will see the ex-GF as a victim and your BF as a disloyal and mean person.

Well I agree with the first bit there. I paid £1200 to my ex to help him out, I ended up saying he needn't bother paying me back. We broke up about 1.5 years later. I certain was irritated I wouldn't see that money again but I just accepted that I did say not to pay me back, so I didn't ask for it back. Its almost an identical situation. I think upon the advice of his relative he felt that people should just accept losses and walk away which is what he did regards to the possessions but the mistake was to think she would react the same way. Personally I think a reasonable person should accept they shouldn't xahnge the goal posts, but that's not how it always happens, and I dont think it hurts for him to pay her back as he did take the money in the first place, but to pay 100% of it back when he has made a loss too is not right in my eyes. There ought to have been some meeting in the middle.

browneyedbazzi

If when he accepted the money he accepted it as a loan and agreed to pay it back, then the agreement is legally enforceable. Her later 'promise' to forgive the debt doesn't change the status of the contract (because there was no consideration from him for that promise) so it remains enforceable and she should win if she sues for the balance. (There are some really good, solid old legal precedents on this point)

As for counter-suing for the joint property - he could, but would need to be able to prove what he purchased, when and what he paid and also that she kept the stuff. He may be entitled to half the value of the joint property but his case will be harder to prove.