We all need to be heard for a little while.

Mrs_Ryan

Hello again all
Thanks for all the kind words everyone, feeling welcome. Am feeling a lot better. Managed to go shopping with OH (although my anxiety got the better of me in a very busy Asda ) then to the gym this afternoon. Worked up a good sweat and it really helped
Dreading Monday. When I'm chaotic I babble and say too much and I think that let me down last time. My anxiety is scary sometimes, it's like I don't know my own thoughts and the most frightening times are when I have panic attacks so bad that I have seizures. It will be very difficult for me to have to try to explain why Im like this- because the answer is I don't know, truthfully. I know that my Cancer diagnosis, even three years after the operation that removed it, still haunts my life continuously as does the attack four years ago that caused my PTSD or the car accident six years ago which affected me so badly psychologically that I have massive panic attacks if another car even comes close to us and why I am not allowed to drive so have a national Concessionary disabled persons' pass.
SingleSue, I am the same. The curtains have been firmly shut for about 6 or 7 weeks now- for me it is because I have no wish to see the world outside.

Pyxis

codemonkey wrote: »

WaS maybe you need to think about things from a different perspective. You're not a failure - maybe everything in your life so far has been geared towards you starting this thread and helping so many people. Or writing your story and helping more people. You're not a failure then, are you?

MU - sorry about the job. Hugs.

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

You're not a failure WaS, you're life has just taken a slightly different path and thats unique to you. You made this thread, and you've brought so many people together. That's an achievement and something you should be proud of.

Crikey WaS! You are measuring your life against an ideal! To start with, lots of people with 2.4children and a dog are as miserable as hell. Lots of people with a high-flying career are stressed to their eye teeth and/or have a failed marriage or two as a result.

Let's look at what you've achieved.
Despite the most horrendous childhood, you cared for your parents as best you could.
Despite the most horrendous childhood, that interfered dreadfully with your school life and education, you went on to get a first class degree.
Despite the most horrendous childhood, you have achieved what a lot of people never do, namely a long, loving relationship with WaSp, through thick and thin.

You have cared for MiL, you care for WaSp, for your niece, for your American friend, for your teacher friend. You are able to care for others, despite never being taught or shown how to care for others; in fact, you care, despite being taught to hate others.

And finally, despite everything life has thrown at you, you still had the strength to reach out through this thread, and to be brave enough to tell us your story. By so doing, you have given all of us the courage to tell our stories and to seek and be given help.

Over 202k views, WaS.
Over 10k posts.
All these people you have helped.

No wonder your teacher friend is proud of you! WE are proud of you! Proud of the fact that, despite your fears, despite the stupid voices, despite all your physical aches and pains, you have found the strength to sort the Cupboard of Doom and The Cushion of (I forget!) and the Underbed Boxes of Great Mystery! You found your passport! You de-cluttered!
AND, after years of being housebound, you ventured to the beach, you ventured to surprise MiL on her birthday, you ventured to see Father Christmas, and now you are embarking on a new career of being a Kevin-Whisperer and learning to speak Llama!

Not a failure in sight, WaS.
A super-achiever.
:T :T :T

Your book would help umpteen more people. Write it. If you don't want it published just yet, that's fine. The choice is yours. In the meantime, write it, or ask your teacher friend to write it for you, if it's too painful for you to do. No need to decide now what name to publish it under. In itself it will be a great achievement.

Team WaS are right behind you all the way!
A new year, a new thread, a new start!





((((((((((((Mrs._Ryan)))))))))))))

heartbreak_star

I absolutely love all of Team WaS you have all made me smile so much!

And in the interests of the duvet fort's size and durability, I've barged into the new thread with more duvets, a mallet and some tent poles

HBS x

Pyxis

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

My anxiety is scary sometimes, it's like I don't know my own thoughts and the most frightening times are when I have panic attacks so bad that I have seizures. It will be very difficult for me to have to try to explain why Im like this- because the answer is I don't know, truthfully. I know that my Cancer diagnosis, even three years after the operation that removed it, still haunts my life continuously as does the attack four years ago that caused my PTSD or the car accident six years ago which affected me so badly psychologically that I have massive panic attacks if another car even comes close to us and why I am not allowed to drive so have a national Concessionary disabled persons' pass.
SingleSue, I am the same. The curtains have been firmly shut for about 6 or 7 weeks now- for me it is because I have no wish to see the world outside.

Mrs_Ryan, I have highlighted those three life events. Just one of those three things would be enough to explain your anxiety and depression. Yet in the space of a mere six years, you have had three major life-changing events.
That is more than enough reason to feel like you are feeling.

Please be kind to yourself. Those events have left you with a disability, just as if it were a physical disability.
They have left you paralysed, but not physically.
And gradually, very gradually, you will get the 'feeling' back. But it will take time, lots of time. :A



HBS...here's to Duvet Power!

Waves_and_Smiles

I babble, too Mrs Ryan. I overcompensate terribly when I am anxious and turn into this giggling, over enthusiastic weirdo! The more anxious I am, the more bubbly I get! It is totally understandable that you have PTSD after everything that you have been through, one of those incidents alone would be enough to cause it. I am with you on how bad panic attacks can make you feel, I used to faint with mine due to hyperventilating which would cause my breathing to return to normal and then I would wake up hoping someone had a big shovel for me to borrow to dig a rather large hole. Passing out in Asda once was memorable...

Aw, I don't sound too bad when you say it like that, Pyxis! I am going to think on the blog for a couple of days when the shock has worn off a bit. It was just suddenly coming across it that threw me.

I am already in the fort, HBS! Build around me, I am the quiet blanket shape in the corner!

OH and note to new people. Please don't be freaked out by the fact my most of my posts are edited, I am not changing the content. My OCD is so bad that if I spot one typo or error I have to edit to put it right, even if I space between words incorrectly it will cause me anxiety until I have fixed it. I am not altering the content, just tidying it up because errr OCD.

elsien

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Build around me, I am the quiet blanket shape in the corner!

Nope, that'll be Gitdog - he's unimpressed with the current heating arrangements. He's happy to share though, especially if you come bearing biscuits.

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahaha! I can't think of anything I would like more than sharing blankets with Gitdog! He can have half my biscuits!

Pyxis

heartbreak_star wrote: »

And in the interests of the duvet fort's size and durability, I've barged into the new thread with more duvets, a mallet and some tent poles
HBS x

Ok folks! Methinks time is right for the sub-thread "Lol Dogs in Duvets" :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

Awwww, adorable! My cats used to love duvets, they would all climb under with me and then push their legs really hard against my body resulting in me having about 3 inches of bed and them being spread out in the middle.

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Awwww, adorable! My cats used to love duvets, they would all climb under with me and then push their legs really hard against my body resulting in me having about 3 inches of bed and them being spread out in the middle.

The perfect duvet for eating biscuits in bed! :rotfl: :rotfl: you couldn't make it up!