We all need to be heard for a little while.

codemonkey

I find it easier to diet on work days. Somehow the structure helps and I'm less at risk of snacking than if I'm at home.

calleyw

codemonkey wrote: »

I find it easier to diet on work days. Somehow the structure helps and I'm less at risk of snacking than if I'm at home.

No for me as I get stressed during the day come home and can't be arsed to cook and then I go and buy crap.

Yours


Calley

oldestgnome

Code, I'm the same i find it easier not to snack at work but like Calley whether at home or work I buy carp which is not good.

I have found whilst travelling that it is easier in some ways, I have lost 6 stone so far and still have 4 to get to healthy BMI.

Well done to all those that are making good health choices

codemonkey

Wow. Oldestgnome, that's incredible. Have you had to shop for new clothes?

I am trying to resist snacking atm. I'm bored and fed up and that's when I eat.

Georgiegirl256

I have a question that I've been holding off asking as it's possible it could be taken the wrong way, and I mean no harm and don't wish to upset anyone, but as people are talking about weight, now seems a good enough time.

If your partner has put on a lot of weight, isn't happy with it, wants to lose it, but doesn't really try, and all the while you can see them getting bigger and bigger, would you be honest and tell them? If so, how would you go about it?

Over the last 10 years or so, D has just got bigger and bigger and bigger. To be honest, he'd probably be classed as morbidly obese now. When we first met, he'd be lucky if he was 9-9 1/2 stone, he was so thin (although he was still healthy looking) that I (at a size 8) could fit into his skinny jeans. He's now a good 6 stone heavier and almost unrecognisable.

He's tried so many "diets", they've worked a little bit, and then he just gives up. He's isnt happy with how he is and would love to lose weight, but it's always "after Easter", "after Christmas", you get the idea. Instead of just coming back with one packet of biscuits, or one pudding, he'll come back with numourous sugary/fatty snacks, and tries to laugh it off with "it just jumped off the shelf and into the trolley"....that was funny at the beginning....I'm not laughing anymore.

Primarily I'm extremely worried about his health. I can already see him starting to suffer with various things. I tell him how worried I am and he agrees he's worried too and needs to do something, then doesn't. If I say something, I basically get told to shut up and stop nagging.

I'll be honest, as well as worrying about his health (his Dad died of a heart attack), I'm starting to find it a huge turn off too.

We're always honest with each other in the fact that if one of us is wearing something that the other hunks doesn't look good, then we'll say, there's no point beating around the bush. I think it's the fact that it's got to a point that if he doesn't do something, then the consequences for the future (health wise) could be quite bad, and the weight is just going to get harder and harder to lose. He's in his 40's, and if he carries on like this, well it's gone beyond a joke now, his weight gain is excessive and something needs to be said or it's just going to get worse, I can see it.

What's the best way to go about raising the subject? I know it's a sensitive one, but I am concerned, he knows this already, but I want to help him.

Georgiegirl256

Well done to all those who've lost so much weight! You've all done so well!

codemonkey

I get why you're asking this. It's a difficult one - you're worried about his health and your relationship. But the concept of fat is so negative. It depends on the kind of person your DH is. Personally, I'd be so upset if my DH said anything to me, it'd send me into a binging cycle that would just make things so much worse. I know I'm fat. I see it in the mirror. I feel it in my clothes. I see it in the bigger clothes I need to buy. I'm ashamed of myself. I don't need DH to tell me. And everytime I start a diet and fail at it, it just chips away at my sense of worth, and if DH was to tell me he didn't find me attractive, well...you can see where this is leading.

So, last year, I was gaining weight and complaining about it. DH insisted we started doing the shopping together and said he didn't want to buy junk food anymore as he was eating it instead of dinner. This pushed some buttons in my head, as I know DH and healthy eating isn't exactly at the top of his agenda (with the history of heart disease in his family, it really should be, but that's an issue for another day). So I came straight out with it. Was he doing this to get me to lose weight? He broke down pretty quickly under questioning (he'd be a terrible spy) and admitted that he was sick of hearing me complain about the weight gain, and then eating junk food. So I explained that the fact that I was gaining weight wasn't exactly news to me, that a lot of it was down to the medication, but that the weight gain from that was destroying my self-esteem and making me comfort eat a bit, and that him trying to manipulate me into losing weight, no matter how well-meant, wasn't going to work. Then I went and cried and tried very hard not to stuff food in my big, fat, worthless, unattractive face. I think he understood a little better after that.

You see, the times when I've been successful at losing weight, I've really wanted to do it and been determined. It's almost like a switch has to be tripped to make it work. When I've tried for DH, or when I'm not really in 'that place' (that sounds stupid), I fail and then I feel worse and gain more weight because I comfort eat. It's all a very delicate balance and I need to be coming at it from a strong place. I also do better when I don't tell people in real life that I'm on a diet, as I feel they're judging me ("She says she's on a diet but she doesn't look any thinner"). At the moment, what's working for me is a fear that I'll be humiliated on the plane by having to have different seat (extra legroom seats are much narrower and you can't sit there if you're really fat).

There are some things you can do though. Shopping with DH has helped a bit because I can't hide junk food and I have been slightly shamed into buying less of it now - I limit the shopping trips I do without DH. You could maybe suggest that you want to get into shape a bit (not as obviously as my DH's efforts) and ask him to come walking with you. If you cook, you can make healthier options and give him smaller portions without making a big deal of it. Above all, you need to support him, give him love and ultimately, don't fat shame him, even if that means you don't tell him you don't find him as attractive. I'm not one of these people that believe in telling the truth at all times - sometimes a white lie to save someone's feelings is better than a harsh truth that will hurt them (although if DH was wearing an outfit that is terrible, I'd tell him).

This has turned into a bit of an essay. Sorry.

Errata

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

What's the best way to go about raising the subject? I know it's a sensitive one, but I am concerned, he knows this already, but I want to help him.

Perhaps the best approach could be the one that medics use. No emotion involved, just lots of solid evidence about the already existing damaging amount of fat surrounding vital organs, already damaged hips, knees and ankles, pressure on lungs, and all that evidence supported by the most graphic pictures of it on the net.

codemonkey

I also recently saw a video of James Corden dressed as Jamie Lee Curtis dancing for Arnold Swarzenegger, and realised I look a bit like that. Ouch.:rotfl:

jobbingmusician

I am getting back on the same old soapbox, but perhaps with a bit more detail 'fleshing it out' (semi-intended pun).

I am still overweight, but not obese. And I feel a LOT better, not only physically, but because my relationship with food has changed. All this cos I'm on the 5:2 diet. I really would strongly advise anyone on here to at least read the book if they are worried about their weight/their relationship with food (overeaters I mean)/other health aspects.

Some reasons I think it has worked well for me:

1. (Main reason) however miserable I might be on a fast day, there's always the wonderful prospect of being able to eat WHATEVER I WANT, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY, tomorrow.

2. It gets easier with time and my body is now used to fasting. Which has killed a whole lot of demons for me.

3. There are loads of other health benefits. I think this relates strongly to some of the stuff above, and is important. Cos when I tell people I'm on the 5:2, I can stress that although I would like to lose some more weight, I'm on it for health reasons - almost primarily now. (I am still overweight but pretty happy with my achievement. Yes, I'd like to be slim, but I don't HATE my body any more. And I can celebrate my achievement.)

I wonder if 3. might make it easier for some people to take up/sell to other half so you can both do it/carry on?

*backs off soapbox carefully*