We all need to be heard for a little while.

whitewing

Midwife came to my house (only for the first few days) and so did the health visitor (regularly for a long time). My health visitor was lovely, very kind and experienced. DH did get up at 5am to tidy the house before she came (I am ashamed to admit this now because at the time I had no concept of how bad things were). I would not be so much better now if the health visitor had not been so fantastic. She was a human angel. You may feel panicked now but everybody will want what is right for the baby, and you will too. And they are there to support you because they know that you are best for the baby. I was paranoid (as in anxiety rather than diagnosis) but everybody was so kind and the more honest I was, the more I got the emotional support to unpick the tangled feelings. The biggest thing for me was that I thought everything I felt was normal and it was only seeing the health visitor and husband looking at each other sometimes that made me able to start to realise that my childhood had not been normal. I am a much better parent and wife because I let the health visitor into my home and my head and I chose to trust her. I still think she deserves a medal but I could never bring myself to nominate her for local recognition in case I got identified.

Wellyboots6

Thank you for your replies.
Not sure how to tackle this then. I have no problem talking about how I am feeling, just not in my house!
I have a difficult dog too which makes me even more paranoid about people coming round because I have to shut him away and he hates it.
I can well see me being up all night cleaning before I am sure a visit and totally forgetting to change the baby or something!
Just really hope my worries are down to hormones and it will all change once baby is born.
Thank you again for the support, I know I don't contribute to this thread often and I do feel guilty about lurking more than posting, but I do appreciate the support

System

calleyw wrote: »

Messedup sorry don't know your real name.

Poundland do hello kitty make up. I got a nice pinky lip gloss and some concealer. use that instead of expensive eye shadow primer.

They also do nail polish and the bottle is in the shape of hello kitty's head.

Yours

Calley

Thank you Calley (can all me Beki if xXMessedUpXx is a bit weird! )

I shall have to have a look! Anything Hello Kitty is good in my book!

- - -

Today wasn;t too bad, work went fine. Got a bit emotional on the tram home i was thinking back to how life was 5/6 years ago, just after the bad breakdown. I was in such a bad place, mentally, emotionally. I was in a very unhappy realtionship, i was depressed, suicidal and self harming badly. All i ever wanted back then was to feel "normal" and be happy. But i didn't ever think it would happen. If i were to go back and try and tell myself that everything would be ok, i wouldn't have believed myself. I came so close to not being here anymore, which i thought was what i wanted. But the past few years have made me realise i would have missed out on so much.

So today i'm feeling very grateful. The bad days don't happen as much, i have some relief from them, its only really stress that triggers bad episodes now. I'm back at work (something i actually didn;t ever think would happen), i have a lovely bf who treats me better than the last 3 exes put together!, i'm living somewhere that i'm happy with. Haven't self harmed since january. And i've gotten to know you lovely folks on here.

I guess i'm posting this to remind myself, if things do ever get that bad again, they can also get better.

codemonkey

Katy -Your health visitor exists to give you support so its not a scary thing. I'm guessing you won't be the first new mother with MH issues they'll have encountered Or the first with a dog. My mum left my sister outside a shop! It was back in the days when people left their babies in the prams outside, she was my mum's first baby and she just forgot she had her and walked home, so forgetting to change the baby isn't going to be a huge thing. In any case, its not something you can really forget to do - if the smell doesn't remind you, the baby will. I can't remember, are you doing this on your own?

Wellyboots6

My husband is being really supportive but also works away a lot.
Would they be able to do the visits with just him and baby if I go out for a coffee or something while they are in the house?
What a silly thing to be fretting about, I'm sure I should be more worried about the actual giving birth etc but that side of things really doesn't bother me at the moment. Unless it ended up being a home birth of course!

codemonkey

katy721 wrote: »

My husband is being really supportive but also works away a lot.
Would they be able to do the visits with just him and baby if I go out for a coffee or something while they are in the house?
What a silly thing to be fretting about, I'm sure I should be more worried about the actual giving birth etc but that side of things really doesn't bother me at the moment. Unless it ended up being a home birth of course!

I think they'd probably want to check you are ok too. But your husband can do the cleaning and nappy checking.

I think its normal to fixate on something or other especially with such a big life change. Once you have your baby you'll be so knackered that a troupe of burlesque dancers could high kick through your kitchen and you wouldn't notice or care as long as they don't wake the baby and you'll welcome the health visitor just for adult conversation. At least that's what happens with my family and friends.

I think I remember you from the pet board. You have that gorgeous German Shepherd, yes?

Eta: if something is worrying you, it's not silly.

System

katy721 wrote: »

My husband is being really supportive but also works away a lot.
Would they be able to do the visits with just him and baby if I go out for a coffee or something while they are in the house?
What a silly thing to be fretting about, I'm sure I should be more worried about the actual giving birth etc but that side of things really doesn't bother me at the moment. Unless it ended up being a home birth of course!

I haven;t had kids yet, but i'm worried myself about the MH side of things. However from what others have said, midwife/health visitor is also there to make sure you're ok not just baby. I know of someone with Mh problems who'd blogged about her expereinces and she says that although she was worried at first, once she realised they were also there for supporting her, and able to give extra help if she needed if, she wasn't as worried. You have hubby to help out too, which is a positive.

Waves_and_Smiles

Morning! Look at me up and bright early! This isn't as great as it looks, after being awake for 24 hours yesterday I finally passed out at 6pm and woke up at 4am this morning. Oh well.

What is this stabbing pain in my right hand side? It woke me up today. It stabs and feels itchy and tingly on the inside? It's been there for 18 months now and it radiates through to my back and up to my shoulder. My GP thinks it's possibly referred pain from my spine, or rumbling gallstones that are too small to show yet or part of my reflux disease. At least I think I can safely say the voices were wrong and it isn't liver failure or I'd be dead by now. It is driving me insane today, sitting hurts, standing hurts and laying down is even worse. I am surrounded by pillows and can't get comfortable at all.

End of whine.

Pyxis

Try putting a covered ice pack on it.

Waves_and_Smiles

Morning Pyxis! That's an idea I haven't tried before. It's so odd because it itches and feels like pins and needles, but the itch is inside my body. It's clearly not dangerous, just really annoying! Off to get an ice pack!