We all need to be heard for a little while.

Waves_and_Smiles

I sympathise, elsien. I have no real idea what it is like to work 9-5, my work was always shift work. But when I went on training courses the 9-5 hours killed me! I couldn't get anything done at home at all because I was used to gaps between shifts which would either be a morning or afternoon, not a few hours every night. I also found having weekends off very hard to cope with because everything was so busy. I was used to odd days off during the week so could do things while others were at work. My hours were always 7-3 or 2-10 with a weekly 10-6, any five to six days of the week plus a weekly night shift so it was a huge adjustment that never went well. When I used to write the rota for staff I always tried to do it so people did a 7-3 followed by a 2-10 the following day once a week so that there was an almost 24 hour gap of time off between shifts. It was far more random for other staff because as the manager I needed set hours, the other staff would have varying start times so would find it even harder to adjust to 9-5.

I will be thinking of you, Pyxis. You are doing the right thing and you will feel relief once you have done it. If it stops being fun then it is time to move on and you will still have the main group which you will enjoy. Your feelings count here, if the others choose to sulk it's their problem. Have another hug.

whitewing

Littlewing and DH are happily making the free lego police helicopter from the voucher in the Daily Mail today. It is really good, I am pleased so will try and get the other ones this week too.

DH has come up with a really good idea about changing our working pattern that should improve our immediate family circumstances and maybe put some joy back into our life. We have lost the creativity/zest for life lately, but I am pleased that DH seems to be inspired by my exercise plans and is going to join an exercise club and maybe even to competition standards.

Hope tomorrow is sunny so we can go out for the day. It is only sunny and warm when I am at work!

calleyw

I did get dressed and cooked lunch for both of us.

Spent most of the afternoon just lounging around. He even helped me sort out a couple of things that needed sorting. I was confused about them LOL!!! Does not take much.


Pyxis I know we all do it try and second guess peoples reactions. I do hence why I use to get really !!!!ed off about a certain person not replying to texts all day if at all. always leaving or losing there phone somewhere!!!!

I am starting to get better. Does not faze me now. Its strange things seem to be getting better.

I have OCD tendencies. And one thing I can't normally do with rushing off to wash my hands is do my laces up if they come undone while out.

I re-tied them the other day. And then just wiped my hands ion my jeans and that was good enough for me. So certain things are getting better while others do not LOL!!!

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

Despairing at myself. I decided to cook cheese on toast. I somehow managed to put the oven glove into the grill which is the top part of the oven. Not only did I put it in I somehow thought the right thing to do was tuck it inside and close the oven door! WaSp has just turned off the fire alarm. I absolutely hate this, I have no idea why I do these things. I can remember putting the bread under and thinking that the oven glove was hanging out so I made a point of pushing it in!

There was absolutely nothing in my head that said this was the wrong thing to do, I was confident that this was how you cook it. Of course, now I remember it isn't but not before I set fire to the glove! Even when it was burning I was standing there looking at it, not realising what had gone wrong. Why does my memory do this?! There was absolutely no thought there that you don't grill an oven glove because it will catch fire, it was as if I had never known this. I can't even cook cheese on toast unsupervised!

I am going off to sulk and feel useless now...

jobbingmusician

It's just a new recipe, WaS - baguette fromag avec gant isolant fricasse.

Seriously, I can relate to that 'tucking the oven glove in' moment - I do things which are just as stupid, I am sure...........

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahaha! Ok, that cheered me up, JM. Thank you!

The memory thing is so weird, it's not like I forget how to do something, it is as if I never knew. The whole part of the memory about it is just absent. Then something goes wrong and I remember after being reminded and I wonder what I was (or wasn't) thinking of. It isn't forgetting, it is that the memory is just erased for a time. Apparently it is connected to psychosis according to my psychiatrist but it is so frustrating because I really can't cook a meal for myself, I can't even manage a snack! I can know perfectly well how to do something I have done hundreds of times before but then the ability just goes missing and there is nothing there in it's place. It's apparently quite common to the more severe psychotic illnesses but is something that is rarely spoken about, chemical imbalances are ridiculous sometimes.

So frustrated at myself and now WaSp is frustrated with me, too and telling me not to try to even make coffee if he is having a nap. I suppose it makes me even more certain that being alone for 3 days while WaSp goes to Milliefleur's party isn't an option.

elsien

I used to have an annoying colleague who was always on about turning a negative into a positive. So on those grounds, at least you can be sure your new fire alarm system is working properly.
(Feel free to throw the charred oven glove remains at me, for being equally annoying.)

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahaha! This is the optimistic point, elsien! It is also very, very loud! I stood in the middle of the kitchen trying to work out why it was going off as the oven glove happily grilled. It does have its funny side, I have to admit.

Waves_and_Smiles

Now the oven needs cleaning, bits of oven glove are glued onto the element.

If anyone is interested I asked my psychiatrist to explain why this happens. It's because we all have memory paths that fire off in our brain to remind us to do each stage as we undertake activities. Mine fail to fire at random because the chemicals to make the electrical impulses fail. So the part of my brain that said place food under the grill worked but the part that said remove glove didn't. I got stuck on everything must be under the grill so tucked in the oven glove as well.

What I do find annoying is if you look up psychotic illnesses there are very few references to memory problems, all it says is one can become forgetful. It is so much more than that. There are lots of references to hallucinations and delusional thoughts when in relapse but very little about the day to day problems when everything is otherwise fine. I feel as if I need to make people aware that psychosis isn't just about the dramatic oddities, if I only had to deal with those I would be able to do a lot more than I can. It is the small things that everyone takes for granted that are the hardest to deal with.

When I used to go out alone I often forgot how to get home even if I was only a few streets away. Any memory of how to get there would just vanish and I couldn't even remember the name of the road. Even carrying my address in my bag would mean nothing, it was if I had never known the road existed. I often turned up at the police station and explained I was mentally ill and I was lost, often the police would drive me around the nearby streets until I either remembered or recognised my house and then call WaSp to come home from work. They recognised me eventually and could get me home in minutes, I have been in a remarkable amount of police cars for someone who has never been arrested. I quickly learnt not to ask a hospital because it would mean sitting there for hours because they would insist on running tests and making me see the Crisis Team when everything else was fine, I just couldn't find my way home. It was very efficient and caring but a huge waste of NHS resources.

Yet, in the descriptions about psychosis these things are so rarely mentioned and they are a major part of why some people with conditions like Schizophrenia need to be supervised and cannot be left to do ordinary things. Forgetting to brush my hair or put clothes on also happens a lot, I am often braless, amusingly. It annoys me that these things aren't recorded and makes me want to write to all of the medical sites asking them to include it in their descriptions.

Don't mind me just ranting and sulking and feeling like an idiot...

elsien

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I have been in a remarkable amount of police cars for someone who has never been arrested.

Some women'd pay good money for that sort of thing.

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Yet, in the descriptions about psychosis these things are so rarely mentioned and they are a major part of why people with conditions like Schizophrenia need to be supervised and cannot be left to do ordinary things. Forgetting to brush my hair or put clothes on also happens a lot, I am often braless, amusingly. It annoys me that these things aren't recorded and makes me want to write to all of the medical sites asking them to include it in their descriptions.

I'm always fascinated when you write these explanations, WaS. It makes mental illness seem more human rather than being a scary label, if that makes sense?
We can all relate to the occasional memory lapse (I've just found a lemon in the cup cupboard that I was ransacking the fridge for earlier) but it must be quite scary to just lose the whole neural pathway for a bit.