We all need to be heard for a little while.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, I would be upset too, code! You know from when my hamper arrived from everyone here I resorted to a child at Christmas, I would have loved it and she could have at least said thank you.

I am not sure what to do about Milliefleur. She has spent the some hours in hospital but is home now. She rolled out of bed in the afternoon and couldn't get herself up again. Fortunately she wasn't hurt at all and social services are going to fix bars to her bed to hopefully stop it happening again. This isn't the problem.

She rang Wasp and said she had a fall and then asked to talk to me to check how I was. Then she then told me she had taken her trousers off before she went to bed, rolled out of it and stayed on the floor for 4 hours before pressing her panic button because she was embarrassed that she was in her underwear! By the time she got to hospital she had carpet burns on her knees and elbows from trying to get up for so long. I am not allowed to tell WaSp or BIL that she did this or about the lack of clothing, and she refused to go to hospital until the paramedics put her trousers on. I suggested she take a phone to bed so she can call us if anything like that happens again and I would come into her house alone and help her, but she's reluctant in case WaSp wants to come in. Obviously, she won't call BIL at all as he is male. Anyone have an idea of an excuse I can use for WaSp to stay in the car to preserve Milliefleur's dignity? Or do I break my promise to her and tell him the truth? Neither of us could figure out what to do in future and simply pressing her panic button is going to be a very last resort for her unless she is fully dressed.

I do understand that she is embarrassed, and I also think it is very sweet and understandable for a woman of her age. It isn't practical however as her mobility worsens. I hate to imagine what would happen if she fell in the shower. I did tell her I would ask some friends who are good with these things if they could think of how we could handle this but make sure I don't let them know anything about her. So I am not breaking her trust by asking people here, she just said don't tell WaSp or any men who know her.

codemonkey

From a practical point of view WaS, I cant think how you'd be able to not tell WaSp. I think it would be ok to break that confidence as long as WaSp doesn't tell her he knows.

Georgiegirl256

codemonkey wrote: »

One more moan about this event then I'll shut up. I spent a lot of time and money putting together a hamper for my friend. It was a bit of a gag gift, I admit, but I did put a lot of thought into it. She didn't even look at it at the time, even though I asked her to open it during dinner and she hasn't said thank you or sent a message about it or anything. Is this really rude?
.

One word, yes. If you asked her to open it, how hard would it have been for her just to do that then and there? Hopefully though she's just really hungover and that's why she hasn't messaged.

Sorry you're feeling crappy, but yay for doggy cuddles! I wish monkey cat (just one of his many nicknames! ) was more forthcoming with the cuddles, but like most cats, it's usually on his terms

System

codemonkey wrote: »

From a practical point of view WaS, I cant think how you'd be able to not tell WaSp. I think it would be ok to break that confidence as long as WaSp doesn't tell her he knows.

I second this

Surely WaSP is going to wonder where you're off to if you suddenly dissapear to Millefleur?

Or, would it be possible to tell him, but specify that you go with him and he waits outside/in another room whilst you help her? Although this would mean Millefleur knowing WaSP knows

Waves_and_Smiles

Wasp would have to take me there anyway, its 60 miles away. I am leaning towards agreeing that I would have to say something to WaSp implying that she isn't dressed. Wasp couldn't ever tell her that he knew or she would be horrified. I also need another reason for Milliefleur to use about why she needed just my help and not WaSp's even though WaSp would already know the truth! She still washes her underwear herself sometimes and won't let her sons even see it, she does it when she is alone or her female carer does it for her. She has no problem at all with carers helping her dress but they have to be female.

This is so unnecessarily complicated but she is deeply private around men, even moreso with her own sons and I am worried that she is going to fall while partially dressed again and spend more hours hurting herself rather than calling for help.

codemonkey

Then I think white lies are necessary. Its pretty uncool to say so but I don't believe honesty is always the best policy.

You could tell Millefleur that you've sent WaSp to the shop for something maybe?

Georgiegirl256

Bless her WaS. I'm not really sure what to suggest, it's a tricky one. For when she's in bed, can she wear a pair of PJ bottoms?

Hopefully she'll get the bars fixed to her bed soon. Does she have any support bars in the bathroom too?

I can't see away round not telling WaSp to be honest. If the occasion arises, you could just hopefully make something up on the spot like he had to stay in the car to make an important phone call or something?

Waves_and_Smiles

That could work, code! It is ridiculous but I respect that this is how things have always been for her and underwear simply isn't something you even discuss with men, especially not your sons, nevermind let them see you in it! She said she didn't want WaSp and BIL to even imagine her being in her underwear!

Pyjamas could also work, Georgie! I wasn't aware that she usually slept in her underwear until today. She does have bars in her shower but she is physically weak so I am not sure that even with those that she could get herself upright. She usually showers while her carer is there but does have the occasional one her own because she enjoys it so much and doesn't feel that she has to rush. Her bed will be fitted with a bar to stop her falling out next week along with a bar to help her get up if she somehow still falls.

Have I mentioned that I love her to bits and I really think she is so sweet. She worries and becomes embarrassed when she doesn't have to, I did tell her that paramedics have seen far worse than a woman in her underwear before!

Solarjunkie

If she falls by the bed, possibly pull the sheet or blanket off the bed to cover herself. If that's unlikely to be possible, keep a blanket under the bed, or a dressing gown say, which could be draped to cover her modesty.

You could simplify the truth and tell WaSP that she is embarrassed to be seen in an undignified position on the floor, therefore please give you 5 minutes alone with Millefleure before he comes in to assist.

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

She worries and becomes embarrassed when she doesn't have to, I did tell her that paramedics have seen far worse than a woman in her underwear before!

I use to go out for midnight drives in my dressing gown, a pair of knickers, no bra and trainers!!!!

God knows what the police or the RAC would have thought if I need them LOL!!!!

Maybe she could sleep in Pjs or pj bottoms and a vest top.

Paramedics will be more interested in making she is ok than what she is wearing and will wrap her in a blanket to cover up her modesty.

Yours

Calley