We all need to be heard for a little while.

codemonkey

Tired, check. Hormonal, check. Grouchy, check. Spotty, check. Weird attraction to the David Spade-alike, check. Must be ovulating.

Edit: also, I know I'm in no position to complain but I think DH has a crush on a girl at work and because I'm not feeling especially confident in myself I'm a bit more fed up about it than I should be.

System

elsien wrote: »

Just watching a Louis Theroux programme about mental health in the states with people who've committed serious crimes. Somewhat bizarrely one person, amongst various others diagnoses, had one of malingering.
That can't possibly be considered a mental health condition, even in the States?

Malingering I don't think is a mental disorder but munchausen can be and that has similar symptoms http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_syndrome

Waves_and_Smiles

I had 5 more hours sleep, should I be worried? I am still yawning!

I spoke to my social worker, she is the most bubbly and caring bulldozer you could find. She asked to speak to WaSp and told me to put him on speaker phone so that I could hear (she is brilliant with my paranoia problems). She has told us that we must adhere to my care plan and it is a separate agreement to his mum's, the two do not overlap in any way and will not do so. She told Wasp she understood that he was worried but that he cannot do more than he is and that he had previously agreed that he would be responsible for my care alone. She was very firm on this and said that she can get the social worker involved with his mum to explain this to BIL. She told him "WaS needs you" and that although there is funding in place to help with Milliefleur if she chooses not to accept it there is little that they can do right now. This will be under constant review however and he can be assured that they are monitoring the situation, and she will pass on that Milliefleur hasn't been honest about having family staying overnight with her. Oops.

WaSp said that the fact that I can only be left alone for 4 hours limits the time he can spend visiting Milliefleur but my social worker pointed out that there is no reason why WaSp couldn't go to Milliefleur's 4 hours before my carer is due and return home 4 hours after she leaves giving him 8 and a half hours to be out. She reminded us that the 4 hourly checks are based around my medication times to make sure that I take it, to make sure I have food and drink available so that I don't try to do anything risky in the kitchen by myself and generally check that I don't need anything and am feeling ok. No one ever said that I needed someone to stay with after me each check. That made him feel better and made me feel a little less of a burden.

She will speak to Milliefleur's social worker but there isn't much she can do as it isn't her case. I asked her if she had any idea what might be recommended and she said if she was involved at this point she would possibly be looking at residential care to reduce family involvement but she cannot speak for the other social worker.

WaSp feels a little like he has been told off by teacher but on the other hand feels a lot better because he can now say to BIL that he has officially been told that he cannot do more.

As far as Milliefleur goes she is ok although very sleepy and they are treating her for a UTI. She doesn't remember much about why she pressed the panic button, she remembers thinking it was the afternoon so didn't put any lights on and therefore fell in the dark but didn't understand why an ambulance arrived because she can't remember pressing the button. Her doctors say the UTI caused her to become confused which often happens so she isn't to worry about it and she is already responding to the antibiotics. She should be out of hospital next week and her social worker will be visiting her before she is sent home to discuss options.

We also discovered that Milliefleur had come home early from Yorkshire because she wasn't feeling well. BIL was going to book a doctors appointment on Monday but was too busy to do it and left her alone despite her being unwell from Monday night. When her carers arrived on Tuesday and Wednesday she said she was fine because she didn't want to make a fuss. I will just be over here hitting my head off of this wall...

Pyxis

Hmmm, what a combination of events!

BIL proving useless, but what's new?
Let's hope Milliefleur's SW can be as firm with her and BIL as yours has been, especially the bit about about telling BIL that WaSp cannot do more.

It was good thinking about the eight hours, factoring in your careworker's visits!

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

WaS, look at it another way. You say that if it weren't for you, WaSp would be able to care for Mil without jeopardising you. Well, flip it round! If it weren't for Mil, WaSp would be able to care for you without feeling guilty about Mil! But, you'll say, that last sentence is not fair! Course it isn't! But neither is the first sentence!

They're not either or, they're as well as! Both you and Mil need care. The fact that she's elderly doesn't makes her need for care any more valid than yours.
BIL, not you, is the spanner in the works here. It makes me sooo mad that he gets money for NOT doing what he's supposed to!
And lovely though MiL is, I could scream that she's so quick to refuse the help that makes it easier for all concerned! I thought that all these new freedoms she's been experiencing would have convinced her that the care package was a Good Thing.

Please stick to your guns. You're quite right.....WaSp cannot go back to the constant driving.... He'll end up unable to look after either of you!

:A :A :A

I absolutely agree with this post and was going to post the same.

BIL is not doing what he is paid to do and your MIL is being somewhat selfish in refusing the care.

WaSP's job is too look after you. You are not in any way to blame for the situation. You cannot help your mental health problems any more than MIL can help being old and frail.

If everyone (including MIL) kept to the plan that had been arranged, then WaSP would not be feeling guilty and you would not be feeling bad. It's their doing, not yours or WaSP's.


(Feeling :mad::mad::mad: on yours and WaSP's behalf).

jobbingmusician

At least we've discovered where the 2 days thing came from, now. Millie was obviously unwell for 2 days (and BIL didn't tell anyone :mad:) but was actually only in hospital for a couple of days.

Yes, UTRs can make people VERY confused. I have a v good friend who had an attack when she was only in her 50's. She spent the whole of a 2nd half of a concert lying on the floor of the band room in agony (she was supposed to be leading the orchestra!) and remembers very little about the whole thing.

purpleshoes_2

Pyxis wrote: »

Just seen that on another thread, and thought it was very appropriate.

A possible mantra for you, Tea, in one of your low moments?

I spent seven years with someone who was basically indifferent towards me. When he wasn't telling me how awful I was at everything. I stayed so long because not only was my self esteem so awful, but because somehow I thought at some point he might wake up and realise he cared about me when he absolutely didn't. I knew in my heart that if I left him, he wouldn't care less.

What was the end for me oddly enough, wasn't being cheated on, it was him sending a valentines card to a workmate. I was in the middle of an employment tribunal, I was wrung out. My birthday was the day before, am sure he got me nothing.

I probably tried for a while after that but after a few days away in London where pressure was put on me to dress up when I didn't want to (lots of folk turned up in jeans). I got home and didn't hear from him for a week because he spent it playing pc games with a mate.

The first month after I left him, I sat in my flat doing very little, but I was happy. The thought of ending it was worse than the reality. Spending so much time with someone who couldn't care less about me wore me down. It was like dating an over grown schoolboy.

All I can say is, if someone can't or won't make the effort to be positive towards a partner even some of the time they really shouldn't be in a relationship.

My ex wasn't suffering from depression or going through tough times that affected his mood, he just couldn't be bothered

Pyxis

Thanks for that, Purpleshoes.

Although it was an awful long time ago now, one of the things that made me realise that I was banging my head on a brick wall was when I was accused of being responsible for Mrs.Thatcher having got into power, even though I had actually voted Liberal at the time! And no, he most certainly wasn't joking!
I can see the funny side now, but at the time, he was deathly serious and scathing and dismissive of all my life's choices/achievements, holding me responsible for all the bad things in society, and made me feel like dirt.
I didn't see it at the time, but once out of the relationship, I could see it was obvious that he felt inferior and was punishing me for it.

purpleshoes_2

I'd like to say that was the only time I was in a relationship with someone who thought I was an idiot, it wasn't. I think I was damaged so much by my first serious relationship that on some level, well, maybe I thought I didn't deserve better.

I read something last week about people who are controlling often latch onto people who have good self esteem. Mine was certainly good before I met bf number one who thought I did nothing right.

I know, absolutely know that if I'd stayed with the last one, I wouldn't be doing the job I do now, I'd have been too old, too rubbish at it.

In my loneliest moments at least I've realised better to be alone than with someone who always says you are "too" this or that and always negative.

Waves_and_Smiles

Good afternoon all!

I slept for another 9 hours! This is very, very weird. It is proper restful sleep, too.

Hopefully my social worker has passed the information to Milliefleur's social worker so we will see what happens next. As you said, Pyxis I am hoping that Milliefleur's social worker is as assertive as mine. I have the most bubbly and caring social worker you can imagine but she has an iron will and when she says no you know that she means it!

Milliefleur's sister and niece are visiting today so Wasp is going to visit tomorrow. He will call her later but otherwise we are having a relaxing day and have decided not to answer the landline phone in case it's BIL. I am on here and Wasp is playing his computer game and chatting to his friends, we are having a day to relax.

Oh, and I treated myself to a small hairdryer with a diffuser. After years of straightening my hair only for it to bounce into waves an hour later I have decided to embrace my bouncy hair and help the waves along.