We all need to be heard for a little while.

mellymoo74

WaS very very very similar causes and reasons.

Pyxis

...............

Pyxis wrote: »

.........:starmod:......................................................................:starmod:.....................
Here is the suggested THREAD ETIQUETTE. By following this etiquette, all posters, whether new or existing, will feel safe, unpressured and respected..

- This is a thread for support. We have discovered some good friends on here, but we promise always to welcome and include new people, and not to be cliquey.

- People may make suggestions to help each other, and might even ask if the suggestions were helpful or have been carried out, but we'll really try not to nag each other or put too much pressure on.

- The normal board rules about sexism, racism, homophobia etc. apply, but if we are careful we should be able to discuss almost anything without breaching board rules - so far we have discussed subjects ranging from child abuse to incontinence!

-If someone thinks that too much pressure is being applied, they can post the trigger word PENGUIN and flag up the fact that they believe there's a potential for someone feeling too nagged to do something. ANYONE could post PENGUIN if they felt there was a danger that suggestions were being enforced too much.

Similarly, if they want to discuss something that might be a trigger for some people, then posting PENGUIN would be a warning that what follows in the whiteout might be a trigger.


- So, if you think something might be a PENGUIN, please post something like the green bit which follows.

"I would like to discuss something to do with [insert subject here], but I am concerned that this might be a trigger for some people. Is everyone OK if I post about that?"

Then, when you post, repost the word PENGUIN above the discussion. Then post the penguiny bit in white! And the phrase END OF PENGUIN when you have finished.

It will look like this. You will be able to see the white text if you highlight it or if you quote it, (so please don't 'quote' a post containing a penguin onto the thread!)
(Harmless example follows here):-
PENGUIN

This is a penguin. A nasty, crotch biting penguin (CBP).
It isn't really! So you can look. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozGTv0hxhpc[/url]


END OF PENGUIN

(NB on a tenth-page repost of the etiquette, you can see these penguiny words because they are white against the green 'quote' background. On a normal post, they will be white against white, and so won't be seen on the thread.)

IMPORTANT: It has been ascertained that some posters to this thread have found that there are certain subjects which act as triggers, precipitating a worsening of their condition.
To protect these posters, you are respectfully requested NOT to discuss these subjects on this thread:-

Religion. (Please note: it is recognised that everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and we respect those beliefs. It is only because of the fact that religion does act as a trigger for some posters, that we exclude it from discussion.)
N.B. Please don't even mention the name of the religion.

The afterlife. The reason for this is explained in this thread by one poster, and there will be others for whom this is a trigger.

We ask and thank you for your co-operation in this matter.


.........:starmod:.....................................................................:starmod:................

It should be pointed out that if anyone is feeling very distressed or close to a crisis, they do not have to worry about what they are posting, or whether it is a penguin for someone else or not. In a crisis situation, just post! We wouldn't want anyone to feel that they couldn't ask for help in case it's a penguin! The penguin thing only applies to a general discussion situation.

- More suggestions please.............We stress that we are suggesting that we AGREE some Thread Etiquette to HELP people who might feel anxious about posting, we are not trying to IMPOSE rules, just relating this to facilitating groups, so that people feel safe and able to participate as fully as they can.

...............Thread Motto...............
Nos Omnes Ad Audiendum Parumper

elsien

Thank you all for your replies, and please let me know if my questions overstep the mark at any point. I am genuinely interested, but would hate to think that had tipped over into voyeurism of some sort.

MU, maybe the meeting is more of a review of how things are going to see how it's feeling from your end?

Code, hope today is better for you on the pain front. And the co-worker front.

Dogsitting parent has complained that Gitdog is critiquing their taste in music by barking disapprovingly till the offending CD is turned off. Having heard the item in question, my sympathies lie more with Gitdog on this one.

codemonkey

My experiences of it. Nothing nearly so bad as WaS.

It's not related to pain for me really, although it is a form of self harm. Dinner times were always a bit of a flashpoint in our house. Me and my dad didn't really get on (he always resented me for prefering my mum when I was little) and he'd keep going at me until I cried. I wasn't allowed to leave the table and I wasn't allowed to stop when I was full. Plates had to be cleared. So I'd be sitting there for hours, tears streaming down my face, gagging on a bit of gristle because I wasn't allowed to leave it. So food, and the consumption of especially in public became a bit of a stress point. At the time, I had a best friend and we'd sneak off to the shops and buy a huge tub of ice cream and big bars of chocolate and we'd binge together to 'cheer me up'. Bingeing was more pleasurable than eating dinner, although I hated myself after. So when I'd get stressed, assuming I ever had a moment alone, I'd binge. I had a special drawer for binge foods and I'd eat everything, stuffing it in my mouth before I got interupted by kids or caught. Of course, I gained weight, so I started not eating. I love not eating. I feel clean. I can easily go a day without food. I used laxatives. I'm allergic to a common food and I'd sneak some of that to make myself throw up.

I've never managed to break the compulsion to binge, although most of the time, I try not to purge, no matter how disgusted I am with myself. I find it hard to eat in public too because I think people are thinking how fat and disgusting I am, stuffing my fat face.

Oh my word, I make my parents sound like such horrible people but they're not. They were just doing their best and more robust child would have been perfectly fine. My childhood wasn't all bad.

You lot probably think I'm just a spoiled brat whingeing about my parents again.

codemonkey

MU, the occupational health thing in my experience is to check you're ok to go back to work and to put any measures in place that might help you when you're back.

whitewing

I don't think you are a spoiled brat, codemonkey. We had the same 'clear your plate' philosophy in our family. This meant that it was put back for breakfast if necessary.

I let littlewing leave food. It drives DH nuts as he hates food waste due to his upbringing.

Solarjunkie

Wow guys. Just wow. I am clicking the thanks button just to let you know someone has heard you & is offering a modicum of support. My admiration for people who carry on with life, battling such childhood damage, long term pain, mental & physical conditions, is immense.

tea_lover

I'm not sure if saying I'm enjoying reading these comments is quite the right word. I hope you all know what I mean x.

Will penguin all of this, just in case. Although it's pretty general.

Food is such an emotive subject. I'm not sure I know anyone that has a completely healthy relationship with it. My childhood was very much 'food as love'. Treats, rewards, celebrations - all done via cake. This continues now (eg. my sister was 40 last week. I ate a LOT). Now obviously it's not bad in itself - there's a lot to be grateful for in having enough to eat, and having a loving family. But it does seem to have created some issues around food and emotions.

A good day - food treat. A bad day - food treat. A task done I'd been putting off - food treat. I feel as if I deserve to completely stuff my face, far beyond the limits of what I need to fuel my day. Am finding these habits v hard to break - which probably explains why the weight is piling on again. At the rate it's been going since christmas, I'll have gained 3 stone by the end of the year.

heartbreak_star

Code, that made me cry because that's so similar to what I had. Also, Mum is naturally skinny and couldn't get her head round the fact I might not be the same - in fact I'm the opposite.

A book that really helped me is Arabella Weir's "The Real Me is Thin". It DID trigger a lot of emotion but I could identify so much with what she was saying. It made me feel less alone.

I suffer from binge-eating disorder and a tendency to tip into bulimia now and again. But all the docs do is tell me to lose weight.

HBS x

codemonkey

I think it'd be hard to find any woman who has a healthy relationship with food and her body. Get a group of guys together and mostly they talk about sport. Get a group of women together and they talk about diets and what part of their body they hate. I saw a comedian do a good sketch about women's magazines. Its on Youtube and the bit I mean is about 2.40.
http://youtu.be/g_t_wB7t5Yo