What should I do...?

nickyhutch

Have you blocked her from your Instagram? I'd hate a woman who'd been involved in this way with my partner to be able to see my life.

thorsoak

The_Goob wrote: »

I would say it to her face. I'm a Catholic and proud of it. With exception to you, all of the other posters mentioning me are committing religious discrimination.

You are entitled to your beliefs, just as the extremist Islamists are - but by wishing to impose them upon others puts YOU in the same category as the Islamist extremists - a fanatic.

What did Jesus say? "Judge not, that ye be not judged". Matthew 7:1

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

Sad how there are some people who always think they can hide behind religion to excuse their appalling bad manners towards their fellow people.

stir_crazy

The_Goob wrote: »

I would say it to her face. I'm a [STRIKE]Catholic[/STRIKE] religious zealot and proud of it.

Fixed it for you. Nobody gives a hoot about your judgemental views.

OP, if it was me, I'd be taking stock of the relationship. This happened to me early on in mine and I also told him that if he did it again then I would end the relationship. He knows that I would stand by my word on that as far as my own relationship, but everything depends on how much of a deal breaker this is to you.

Mojisola

The_Goob wrote: »

I would say it to her face. I'm a Catholic and proud of it. With exception to you, all of the other posters mentioning me are committing religious discrimination.

In which case you can say "I believe that .........." and live your life according.

Pollycat

It would be this that would be the deal-breaker for me

so12345 wrote: »

He has hurt me in the past by doing something similar, about 5 years ago, but again with no physical contact (apparently). I made it clear then that if anything like it ever happened again then that's it for us. I can't believe that after all this time together he's basically made himself available to someone else and feels the need to respond to flirty messages from a stranger. Even if no physical contact has happened I feel cheated.

Was there also a stressful situation 5 years ago that caused him to do something similar?

What guarantee could you ever have that he won't do it again if things get rough?

It's a very hard situation you are in, especially as you have 2 children.

I hope you can work things out for the best, whatever you decide to so.

dottymrsp

I would say it seems like you're both hurting right now and you're both going through a really tough time. Don't be too hard on him, we all make mistakes, and certainly in my book, love is about forgiveness.

The best thing you can do right now is talk to him - tell him how you're feeling (without laying on too much blame if you can) find out how he's feeling - together you ARE stronger, and you can get through this :-)

so12345

We talked about what's been happening last night. I think he'd already told me everything about it because everything he said was the same and I said I could contact this woman if I needed to but I'd rather hear it from him.

What did come out though was that a few months ago he'd also been chatting to other women on twitter via direct messages. Not like this time but more just general chat. Which he instigated when he was drunk. He said that they were conversations that lasted a few messages each way and that was that. Not sure what to make of this or what he hoped to achieve. Obviously this shouldn't have been happening.

I asked him whether he's ever slept with anyone else while we've been together, or what he'd do if someone came onto him in a pub or whatever and he said no, that he feels guilty enough over messages and could never go that far.

I'm just confused over where to go from here. I know how sorry he is and how guilty he feels, I can see it. He wants to go to some kind of therapy to work out why he's been so stupid because he doesn't know why he's done any of it. He knows he's been an idiot and wants to change but he knows it's probably too little too late.

I'm trying to work things out in my head. If the same thing happens in another 5 years I'll have myself to blame as much as him. But then again if he's never cheated on me physically maybe we do have a chance. But can someone really change? I think I'm going to ask him to stay with a friend for a little while so we can have some space.

so12345

I don't think I'll be needing a termination because I've had lots of pain and bleeding since yesterday lunchtime. Not looking for sympathy, I don't deserve it. My consultation appointment at the hospital is next week so they'll probably be able to tell me then. Unless I show signs of infection, in which case I'll have to see my GP sooner.

so12345

Pollycat wrote: »

It would be this that would be the deal-breaker for me


Was there also a stressful situation 5 years ago that caused him to do something similar?

What guarantee could you ever have that he won't do it again if things get rough?

It's a very hard situation you are in, especially as you have 2 children.

I hope you can work things out for the best, whatever you decide to so.

Thank you. Yes, the last time was after his father was diagnosed with cancer. I know what you mean re the stressors. We are probably going to have other stressful times if we stay together and he needs to be able to deal with them instead of running/escaping/being an idiot.