Fake job for 5 years from son's GF - what do I do

Person_one

PennyForThem wrote: »

So glad to hear that it is not my problem. But family is interactive, isn't it?


How do I deal with it?

Why don't you think back to a time when you and your partner faced a problem in your relationship, how did your mum deal with it?

Levi-

Nothing really to add in the way of advice but this isn't as uncommon as you might think. I've heard of 2 distant acquaintances - one of whom faked a full time job for 3 years and another guy who lost his job but pretended to go there for the next year because he couldn't face telling anybody, and just sat in his car at the train station. My heart goes out to these people because the are clearly underlying issues that must be addresses so they can go on and reach their full and TRUE potential. x

BWZN93

PennyForThem wrote: »

Going for mortgage interview - she had to provide proof of (non-existant) job


So glad to hear that it is not my problem. But family is interactive, isn't it?


How do I deal with it?

How do you deal with it? By reading the comments that many other people have left for you and you have apparently ignored! Also, I agree with everyone else who said its not your business so you don't do anything. She's obviously not that bright of a girl if she didn't realise she was going to have to prove income for a mortgage, and he's just as bloody stupid if he didn't realise she wasn't earning money for the last 5 years.

carmina_piranha

Is OP asking if we think she should offer the missing 18k per year to pay for the mortgage? If not, I don't see what else there is for a mum top do, other than make sure her kids understand finances so he can take part in that with her in future.

j.e.j.

carmina_piranha wrote: »

Is OP asking if we think she should offer the missing 18k per year to pay for the mortgage? If not, I don't see what else there is for a mum top do, other than make sure her kids understand finances so he can take part in that with her in future.

I think she's feeling peeved that she's helped them out financially on occasion, thinking that they were both working but struggling, and has now found out that the girl wasn't in fact working but volunteering.

I expect she's also angry on behalf of her son, who seems to have been a bit naive in letting this girl have total control of the finances to the extent that she was able to hide the fact that she wasn't working.

It's a very strange scenario.

AntoMac

j.e.j. wrote: »

I think she's feeling peeved that she's helped them out financially on occasion, thinking that they were both working but struggling, and has now found out that the girl wasn't in fact working but volunteering.

I expect she's also angry on behalf of her son, who seems to have been a bit naive in letting this girl have total control of the finances to the extent that she was able to hide the fact that she wasn't working.

It's a very strange scenario.

Good point and I think there's also the big element of a mother wanting to look after her son here. I'm sure my mum (who I love dearly) still thinks I'm about 10 and that I always will be.

BigAunty

Wow - that's a biggie in terms of the trust issues that arise - disguising 5 years of unpaid voluntary work as a proper job must have taken a lot of time and effort and if she didn't have another similar level of income from another source, she'd have had to be ultra frugal?.

Somehow she pretended to earn take home pay of nearly £300 a week and even with help from friends or savings, that could be up to £75k of fake income in that period. Wow.

As noted before, my friend's relationship unravelled when the mortgage application exposed his fiancees exaggerated income, but that charade went on for a lot less and she wasn't highly educated, didn't have a GCSE to her name, and she fought against completing the mortgage paperwork.

Was it a 'face' cultural issue whereby she was too humiliated to say she couldn't contribute? I have a couple of Japanese friends who I've now learned will simply not answer a question or continue responding to a topic if they think they will hurt my feelings rather than say something like 'I'd rather not be a witness to a signed document' or 'I couldn't pick up those things you wanted when I last went home to Japan' - or 'I just don't fancy the social event you've invited me to', I just get silence instead.

Why did she persist in voluntary work for 5 years? Many graduates do internships for a short period but 5 years!? Did she really love the job, could she not secure a paid job? She's not British, does she have work permit/visa issues so can't get employment?

Did she confess before the mortgage application went through or was she deluded enough to think that as she tricked your son, she could trick the lender and wrongly thought she'd pass their checks?

Did your son miss identifying her lack of income because he was the main breadwinner and was quite chivalrous, expecting to pick up most of the household expenses? I've a colleague who is divorcing his new Asian muslim wife because she refused to get a job after he married (among other things) and told him that she expected him to keep her. He says he'll never marry an overseas Muslim again, he wants a British muslim.

Was he a bit hands off with the bank statements and bill paying or did she wrestle these responsibilities from him? She surely had a terror about being exposed unless she was confident in her skills for manipulation? Is she relieved that it's out in the open? Like perhaps she took the voluntary job hoping to get paid work after a few months and then when she couldn't, she was in too deep to confess?

But 5 years?! Wow. Are you sure she's got leave to remain in the UK?

pinkshoes

He shouldn't be buying a house with someone that dishonest, regardless of the reasons for the dishonesty.

Poppie68

I would be just as concerned about your son.. the only reason he knows now is of a because of a mortgage application... Where's he been....The International space station?
Do they have a deposit?... If it's been saved solely from his wage how have they managed to live sustain themselves for all these years...Even with monetary help from family anyone with their noodles in place would notice something..And I'm sure no one good hide the lack of 18k every year for all that time.
Are you sure it's not a ploy on his behalf to get sympathy in the form of help with a mortgage?

Deeeliteful

She has a law degree from Cardiff Uni - Does she? - Have you checked that Cardiff Uni even did Law when she claimed to be there - when/what year did she claimed she graduated?

After all she did lie about having a job and does she have the correct immigration status to work/live in the UK - is she an illegal immigrant?

There are so many unasked questions by the OP and trying to help her son is probably the least of her problems.

My guess is her son needs to check his bank account(s) to see if she has been sending his hard earn money abroad to look after her family at home or sending it Weston Union.

There is no real advice to the mother apart from what everyone else has already said.