God Only Gives Us As Much As We Can Handle?? HUH!

j.e.j.

If it's a supermarket they can be a bit draconian. A friend of mine got a warning for making an error with ordering some stock (I think she ordered too many yoghurts in or something).

Faith177 you two need to work together more so that you don't feel like you have a man-child to support. He needs to keep a spending diary and try and figure out the cause of his spending, and call a stop to the pair of you financing his mother ASAP.

Hope it all goes ok and he keeps his job.

Faith177

j.e.j. wrote: »

If it's a supermarket they can be a bit draconian. A friend of mine got a warning for making an error with ordering some stock (I think she ordered too many yoghurts in or something).

Faith177 you two need to work together more so that you don't feel like you have a man-child to support. He needs to keep a spending diary and try and figure out the cause of his spending, and call a stop to the pair of you financing his mother ASAP.

Hope it all goes ok and he keeps his job.

It's not a supermarket but is retail its a DIY company (not one of the big ones though) but I know what you mean about supermarkets though my mum got called in because she brought a loaf after her shift for 10p on the reduced and they thought she had marked it down herself.

He has promised me no more spending and has given my nan and grandad his credit cards to keep safe in case of an emergency and he went shopping yesterday and got what we needed and nothing else (felt quite proud of him ). I think the diary is a good idea though thank you j.e.j

cavework

2 years ago we were in dire straights and I mean DIRE..
won't go into the whys and wherefores but I could not sleep , I cried, I ranted.. bl**dy life was unfair and picking on me.
Every time we turned a corner something else erupted to knock us back down .. this went on endlessly
Then I said enough is enough .. we are a team..we are doing everything we can to get out of this situation.. pound notes are just a promise to the bearer.. I flippin refuse to make the rest of my life miserable worrying about things beyond my control. I chucked those worries out of the window and the things I could control were already sorted the best way we could.
The lesson I learned is not to live in the past (it cannot be changed but learned from).. the now is gone as fast as you live it and the future always has things beyond your control.
If you miss the joys of now and live in fear of the future what is the point of being alive?
Sorry for being a bit weird but it worked for me .
PS things have improved ..
TC
XXX

Takeaway_Addict

Faith177 wrote: »

That's because it will fall on me to support both of us just like last time.

I suffer with anxiety and depression so that's why i might seem highly strung which is also why OH's attitude of "we'll sort it" drives me mad because I cant just mentally leave it to him to come up with solutions because I fear we would lose everything

I have supported him at every turn in our relationship I supported him when he moved 180 miles away to take the opportunity of a promotion and he was away for 2 years. I supported him when he decided he had, had enough and wanted to come home and took a 6K pay cut to do this, I supported him when he was unemployed for 6 months, I supported him when he decided he wanted to start doing photography and even gave him half towards his 2.5K camera and helped him plan shoots and suggested ideas for him to use, I supported him through several other "situations" that I don't really want to go into right now or I'd be here all day

So what are you doing about this? Either do something or accept it is the status quo

ViolaLass

It seems curious to choose to marry someone whom you appear to trust/be able to lean on so little.

cavework

ViolaLass wrote: »

It seems curious to choose to marry someone whom you appear to trust/be able to lean on so little.

No .. the op is scared.. we have all been there and when we are scared we hit out at those closest to us.
OP wants stability, we all want that and OH's situation is threatening the stability.
But the longer you are married, the more you learn to work as a team and by doing this the easier it is to handle the carp that life throws at you.
xx
PS I still get mad at my OH at times but I think he loves me for it ..x

Faith177

He is incredibly supportive of me too and I know that. If I need him he'll drop everything for me and do anything I need. We have been through in 6 years what most people don't get their whole lives. I had a metal breakdown about a month after he moved in with me and he stuck it out some blokes would have run for the door

I've had CBT for the anxiety and it does work but when I get hit with several things at once it's hard for me to remember what I've been taught and not revert to old habits. I end up feeling like a rabbit in headlights scared, panicked and just generally confused. Having someone standing there when you feel like this going it'll be ok but not having any really idea how just makes it worst. I spoke to OH about this last night and he says it makes sense and we talked about the coping methods I use and how he can help me kick these in when I'm really not able to get them myself.

Basically in the last 2 weeks I've found out I need to have two lots surgery on my knee involving long recovery times, then my mum became seriously sick and has had to move in with my aunt as she is currently unable to look after herself which tbh has scared me sh it less as my mum is only young and has always been the family rock. Due to her being so ill I haven't been able to talk to her properly so getting details of how ill she is from my Aunt who had me pretty much convinced my mum was dying then OH's job issues and I think I just snapped inside and that's when I wrote the original OP

After our chat last night I think we cleared a lot of issues up and feel a lot more positive now so thank you all for your kind comments and suggestions it's really helped