What is the point of being married?

catkins

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Not every relationship does.


I cannot say we have had to work at ours.

You have been lucky then! How long have you been married?


I know in our 30 plus years of marriage some of the time has been pretty hard work. On the whole we get on really well (both class each other as our best friend) and mainly have the same views, interests etc but a couple of time something fairly major has cropped up that we have different views about and it took some work to sort it out.

Kaye1 wrote: »

No particular reason for me. I just wanted to mark the fact that I intend the spend the rest of my life with the man I adore. For me, it was the ceremony which was important. The party was nice but not the main event.

I wanted to be his 'wife' not his partner/girlfriend.

I didn't really have a what some people might call a "proper" reason for getting married. Both me and OH had lived with someone and wanted our relationship to be different. When he asked me to marry him only 2 months after meeting I just knew I wanted to marry him and live with him for the rest of my life. We never lived together - got married 5 months after meeting.


We both believe strongly in marriage and if we had ever or do ever split up we will not get divorced.


I also didn't want to call him "my boyfriend" for 30 years or more or, even worse in my view, "my partner". That sounds like you run a business together.


I was only bothered about the ceremony (very small) not the reception, which we only had because his parents' nagged us.

Gavin83

duchy wrote: »

If my partner didn't want to make that public and legal commitment to me then I'd want to know why and consider the possibility he wasn't as committed as he claimed to be.

Interesting. I see it from completely the opposite way. If someone wants a public declaration I'd be questioning what they're trying to prove and assume they're not actually comfortable in their relationship. I'm happy enough in my relationship that I don't feel the need to prove it to others.

Statistically the more a couple spends on a wedding (and therefore the bigger the ceremony) the more likely they are to divorce. Interesting point that one.

Personally I like the idea of marriage but hate the idea of a wedding. It's half the reason I haven't proposed yet. My ideal wedding would involve my fianc!, myself and 2 witnesses to make it legal. Sadly there aren't many people who'd agree.

166million

Gavin83 wrote: »

Interesting. I see it from completely the opposite way. If someone wants a public declaration I'd be questioning what they're trying to prove and assume they're not actually comfortable in their relationship. I'm happy enough in my relationship that I don't feel the need to prove it to others.

Statistically the more a couple spends on a wedding (and therefore the bigger the ceremony) the more likely they are to divorce. Interesting point that one.

Personally I like the idea of marriage but hate the idea of a wedding. It's half the reason I haven't proposed yet. My ideal wedding would involve my fianc!, myself and 2 witnesses to make it legal. Sadly there aren't many people who'd agree.

I feel the same about weddings. There was a brief time it sounded like fun but now every time people mention it i just squirm. It's a lot about telling people 'we're not having all that' when they ask about dresses, cakes, etc.etc. all the unnecessary gubbins that seems to go with it. They look so confused like they are disappointed I'm not some princess bride-zilla. I feel like saying 'if you're that bothered, have your own wedding!'

duchy

Gavin83 wrote: »

Personally I like the idea of marriage but hate the idea of a wedding. It's half the reason I haven't proposed yet. My ideal wedding would involve my fianc!, myself and 2 witnesses to make it legal. Sadly there aren't many people who'd agree.

You've just described my planned ceremony in Vegas our witnesses are my best friend and my son. No-one else is invited as such -and we chose to do it abroad specifically to keep it small.

Sounds like you are confusing having a wedding with getting married- which in my eyes aren't the same thing . A wedding is a party and not compulsory to getting married Of course you might need to convince your girlfriend

I don't agree that most people want the party as much as the marriage ......but then I also think some people want the party MORE than the marriage !!

DigForVictory

I know a smashing couple who got married (having lived together happily for decades, long before that was normal) pretty much exclusively for pension reasons.

We married when we decided it was right for us & we wanted to start a family. That we got bomb proof next of kin status was a bonus.

Clearly your extended families want a party, at your expense. So just quietly sloping off & tying the knot will bag them all off.

I'd suggest holding that off for a bit, just so the big hat brigade get used to the idea. Then quietly marry and reassure those who want to fuss that you do intend to have a celebration party at some stage. Then let that party wait til you can afford it.

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

I'm beginning to be a bit taken with the idea of a tiny little wedding and having a hubbie...

So go to Vegas! Get a holiday, a husband & come home.

supersaver2

Gavin83 wrote: »

Interesting. I see it from completely the opposite way. If someone wants a public declaration I'd be questioning what they're trying to prove and assume they're not actually comfortable in their relationship. I'm happy enough in my relationship that I don't feel the need to prove it to others.

Statistically the more a couple spends on a wedding (and therefore the bigger the ceremony) the more likely they are to divorce. Interesting point that one.

Personally I like the idea of marriage but hate the idea of a wedding. It's half the reason I haven't proposed yet. My ideal wedding would involve my fianc!, myself and 2 witnesses to make it legal. Sadly there aren't many people who'd agree.

Not all ladies are wanting big, white weddings. My wife was the one to suggest we go to Gretna, just the 2 of us and we borrowed a couple of staff from the office to act as witnesses. No fuss and next to no expense. We had no party after or presents and life carried on as normal.

Of course if your girlfriend has different ideas of what a wedding should be then you'll have to come to a compromise.

catkins

Gavin83 wrote: »

Interesting. I see it from completely the opposite way. If someone wants a public declaration I'd be questioning what they're trying to prove and assume they're not actually comfortable in their relationship. I'm happy enough in my relationship that I don't feel the need to prove it to others.

Statistically the more a couple spends on a wedding (and therefore the bigger the ceremony) the more likely they are to divorce. Interesting point that one.

Personally I like the idea of marriage but hate the idea of a wedding. It's half the reason I haven't proposed yet. My ideal wedding would involve my fianc!, myself and 2 witnesses to make it legal. Sadly there aren't many people who'd agree.

I too feel that if my now OH had not wanted to marry me then he was not as committed as I was and I am not sure I would have stayed with him.


I know it's true about the more a couple spend on a wedding but it is also true statistically that unwed couples are far more likely to split up, even after quite a long period, than married couples, particularly those with children.


As I said, I was only interested in the marriage ceremony and not the wedding. I didn't want a church wedding or to wear a white dress. We had a very small register office ceremony with only 10 guests. I would have been happy with only 2 witnesses but my parents would have been upset if I had not invited them.

System

The ideal of not marrying someone who you truly love is alien to me.

I'd want to be his Mrs.... I'd want to wear his ring. I'd want to be known as his wife.

ben_m_g

We are probable two very unlikely people to get married, both from single parent house holds, (her seeing a series of failed marriages from one of her parents).
Neither of us when we met, had any interest in marriage.

Yet we are doing so in April, a family-only small event that means the most to us.

It just felt 'right', introducing OH as my GF / SO just seemed odd, we have been through tough times and I never see being with anyone else.

I don't personally buy in to this huge 'invite everybody' notion, nor spending loads of money trying to impress people on a day that is only focussed on two people. If a simple ceremony is what you want, I would go for it.

Buzzybee90

Judi wrote: »

The ideal of not marrying someone who you truly love is alien to me.

I'd want to be his Mrs.... I'd want to wear his ring. I'd want to be known as his wife.

I want to marry, because I love him and because I'd like to have children when married...

However, I don't agree you marry someone to be known as their wife? Cringe. Lots of people can have LTR the exact same as married people. I don't think any less of them.