What is the point of being married?

Kynthia

I really wanted to be married for some practical reasons and some emotional reasons.


I wanted him to be my next of kin and for pensions, tax, inheritance, etc to be all sorted. Also as we planned to have children I felt it was better to be married as then we are both protected financially in a split as opposed to a split when unmarried, particularly if one of us limited our career or earnings for childcare reasons. Also we'd all have the same name as our children and wouldn't have them asking why we weren't married when they were older. I know many of these could be achieved by other means but that would have been lots of work and not quite as good as a marriage contract ensures. For example OH's pension only pays out to spouses, although my pension is newer than his and does pay to partners, and I'm not sure you can really ensure a fair financial split when unmarried, with children and earning significantly unequal amounts.

I wanted to call him my husband and I wanted to declare to each other and our loved ones that we weren't just together for now but forever. I wanted to feel more secure and I believe that generally people don't give up on a marriage as easily as a relationship (I know that's not true for every couple but a marriage can't be ended completely with just a bad row). After getting married, although nothing really changed there was an undercurrent that was different. I felt more secure and loved the fact that he was legally my partner and my next of kin and it brought us a little closer together. So those intangible emotional reasons that might not apply to everyone but were important to me and did happen and I'm very happy that we tied the knot.

Anatidaephobia

Birdie85 wrote: »

TBH, I would rather just get married at the registry office with a couple of witnesses and know that we're then covered for things like pensions and NOK etc rather than trying to get things drawn up and realise that we've missed something when it's too late. You don't even have to tell people or change your name. Just sign the paperwork and carry on as normal.

I agree with this. Personally, I would rather get married and have the peace of mind that we will automatically be given legal and NOK rights rather than try to gain those rights in other ways.

I can completely understand having strong feelings against weddings but I don't think that's a reason to be against marriage. I used to feel quite strongly against marriage as I associated it with religion. Since I have separated the two in my head, my feelings have changed.

I do understand that if you don't have particularly strong feelings FOR getting married, even if you did decide you wanted to do it, there wouldn't be much to motivate you to actually go and get it done!

crazyhairedgirl

Having been married and separated, I don't see the point of it, it's just an extra obstacle if you decide you want to leave.

Carer

Interesting thread this. We have been together 25 yrs unmarried. Have kids, grandkids and 2 businesses.

I really need to sort out wills, but neither of us want marriage. We'd be happy with a CP so we are hoping it becomes law for all soon.

Morglin

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

Really? Is there any real need (apart from romantic notion) for the legal bit of being married?

I realise that this subject has been done to death, but my OH and I have just been through a Christmas with both sets of parents and families were asking when we were going to tie the knot and, after sitting down and having a proper discussion on it, we can't really see the benefit.

We've been together nearly 20 years. No kids. We own a house and everything in it together.. We've made each other the beneficiary of our pensions. We've each made a will, mine leaving all my worldly goods to him and his leaving all his worldly goods to me. Our combined total estate doesn't reach IHT thresholds.

Apart from the romantic aspect (which I'm desperately trying to separate out from the practicalities!), what further benefits would we have by being "legal"?

To be perfectly honest, having previously not cared a jot, I'm beginning to be a bit taken with the idea of a tiny little wedding and having a hubbie... but that seems a bit of a flippant reason really!

The state doesn't recognise anything other than legally wed, with state pension enhancements, Bereavement Allowance etc.,

With things like "next of kin" it is assumed, with legal issues, when wed, but often has to be clarified if not.

They might one day bring back tax allowance for marriage.

The downside is that (God forbid it happens!) is that a divorce is more hassle than just being able to walk away.

But, the only reason to get married, really, is if you want to spend the rest of your life with them, and want to make a public and legal committment afirming that.:beer:

I have done both, but I prefer being married to just being shacked up, but it's horses for courses.

Lin

Person_one

Carer wrote: »

Interesting thread this. We have been together 25 yrs unmarried. Have kids, grandkids and 2 businesses.

I really need to sort out wills, but neither of us want marriage. We'd be happy with a CP so we are hoping it becomes law for all soon.

I do find it interesting that people say they don't want a marriage but they do want a CP, or they do want all the legal/financial benefits and protections that come with marriage.

So...why not a marriage? That's the easiest quickest way to get what they want. It seems as though its just the word itself, the title, that puts people off which seems strange to me.

There was a long thread on DT recently about this, I'll have to see if I can find it.

Person_one

Morglin wrote: »

The downside is that (God forbid it happens!) is that a divorce is more hassle than just being able to walk away.

Depending on the situation you'd be left in if your partner decided to just walk away, this can be an upside though!

margaretclare

I think this is an unanswerable question in today's world. You can either see some point in it, or you can't.

Very different from how my mother was treated in the 1930s/40s/50s. She would have walked through fire just to have that ring on her finger and to have the other women in the village call her 'Mrs (man's surname)' rather than just by her Christian name.

I know why I wanted to marry DH when we got together, but I can't explain it to anyone else. We've never regretted getting married in 2002. Would it have made any difference to us? I don't know. I'm just glad we did.

166million

I've been engaged for a few years now but going off the idea of a wedding. It all seems a bit embarrassing

duchy

For me a wedding is the public declaration that we are making a lifetime commitment.

We also want the legal advantages it confers.

If my partner didn't want to make that public and legal commitment to me then I'd want to know why and consider the possibility he wasn't as committed as he claimed to be.

No-one has to get married but where there are no good reasons not to I tend to assume such couples are not in the relationship for a lifetime but keeping their options open.

It's their relationship- it shouldn't matter what others think - but it is reasonable to assume others may draw their own conclusions .