What is the point of being married?

*~Zephyr~*

Really? Is there any real need (apart from romantic notion) for the legal bit of being married?

I realise that this subject has been done to death, but my OH and I have just been through a Christmas with both sets of parents and families were asking when we were going to tie the knot and, after sitting down and having a proper discussion on it, we can't really see the benefit.

We've been together nearly 20 years. No kids. We own a house and everything in it together.. We've made each other the beneficiary of our pensions. We've each made a will, mine leaving all my worldly goods to him and his leaving all his worldly goods to me. Our combined total estate doesn't reach IHT thresholds.

Apart from the romantic aspect (which I'm desperately trying to separate out from the practicalities!), what further benefits would we have by being "legal"?

To be perfectly honest, having previously not cared a jot, I'm beginning to be a bit taken with the idea of a tiny little wedding and having a hubbie... but that seems a bit of a flippant reason really!

neneromanova

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

Really? Is there any real need (apart from romantic notion) for the legal bit of being married?

I realise that this subject has been done to death, but my OH and I have just been through a Christmas with both sets of parents and families were asking when we were going to tie the knot and, after sitting down and having a proper discussion on it, we can't really see the benefit.

We've been together nearly 20 years. No kids. We own a house and everything in it together.. We've made each other the beneficiary of our pensions. We've each made a will, mine leaving all my worldly goods to him and his leaving all his worldly goods to me. Our combined total estate doesn't reach IHT thresholds.

Apart from the romantic aspect (which I'm desperately trying to separate out from the practicalities!), what further benefits would we have by being "legal"?

To be perfectly honest, having previously not cared a jot, I'm beginning to be a bit taken with the idea of a tiny little wedding and having a hubbie... but that seems a bit of a flippant reason really!

This was it for me. I wanted people to know I loved my husband that much I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and that when he married me he was stuck with me as he knows how much faff a divorce is

We also did it for the kids in terms of legalities and also so their parents were married. but more the romantic bit than the legal bit

pinkshoes

It is one step further than just saying you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

I think that marriage also makes you work harder at your relationship. Just look at the break up statistics of those who have kids within a marriage and those who have kids when not married. (The latter being shocking!)

BarryBlue

We decided to get married after over 20 years together, purely for the legal reasons involved regarding inheritance, pensions and so on. The so-called romantic side of it was never a consideration. It has made no difference to our relationship whatsoever.


We had a very small Register Office ceremony with only 8 guests. All other friends and family were told after the event that it had happened. No expense spent, as they say.

*~Zephyr~*

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think that marriage also makes you work harder at your relationship.

Thanks pinkshoes, but I don't agree with you.
We wouldn't have this wonderful 19+ year relationship if we didn't work on it, and I don't think a ring will make us work any harder, if it's even possible!

Also, I see so many couples who have been together, happy, for years and years, and then they marry and divorce within 2 years!

d70cw6

guaranteed sex 3 times a week.
it's the law.

*~Zephyr~*

BarryBlue wrote: »

We decided to get married after over 20 years together, purely for the legal reasons involved regarding inheritance, pensions and so on. The so-called romantic side of it was never a consideration. It has made no difference to our relationship whatsoever.

Thank you for responding.

We already sorted out the pensions and the inheritance side though, without a marriage cert. So that doesn't seem to be a valid reason for us.

*~Zephyr~*

d70cw6 wrote: »

guaranteed sex 3 times a week.
it's the law.

:rotfl:

Only 3????? That's a ruddy good reason NOT to get married then. I'm not reducing my incidents of nookie for anything!!

Mojisola

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

We've been together nearly 20 years. No kids. We own a house and everything in it together.. We've made each other the beneficiary of our pensions. We've each made a will, mine leaving all my worldly goods to him and his leaving all his worldly goods to me.

Our combined total estate doesn't reach IHT thresholds.

As long as you've both got it in writing nominating each other as next of kin for medical decisions - GP's notes, hospital notes and a signed letter to produce if necessary - there isn't much benefit for you.

itsanne

The other aspect you need to sort out to acquire the legal aspects of marriage is power of attorney. As things stand, you are not legally each other's next of kin: there are no guarantees that either of you would have any say about treatment etc if the other became ill. In some respects you are looking for a more complicated and expensive way of achieving the same things that getting married would give you (though PoA is useful even then).


ETA Cross posted with Mojisola

p00hsticks

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

We've made each other the beneficiary of our pensions.

If you are both in pension schemes that treat partners exactly the same as spouses then I'd suggest you are probably very fortunate and in a minority.

In my experience, I've always been given the opportunity to nominate my partner (or parents, brother or dog) to the trustees as a beneficiary for any 'death in service' payouts from my private pension if I die before claiming it.

But, although if I was married a spouse would also be entitled to a pension on my death, my partner wouldn't. I believe some are gradually changing (I've heard that the Civil Service Pension scheme will now treat an 'informal' partner the same as a spouse / civil partner providing you provide a signed witness statement to say that you are in a long term monogomous relationship) but slowly.

I'm now seriously considering quietly getting married so that my long term partner can benefit more from my pension if I died before him