What is the point of being married?

*~Zephyr~*

Mojisola wrote: »

As long as you've both got it in writing nominating each other as next of kin for medical decisions - GP's notes, hospital notes and a signed letter to produce if necessary - there isn't much benefit for you.

Thanks Mojisola. We did talk about the next of kin thing. As neither me or my brother have produced kids, if I outlive him, there will be no other close family to speak for me if I ever end up on life support for any reason. Its pretty terrifying to me to think that I'd have no one to insist the machine is turned off or not!

But speaking with a friend's wife, who's an A&E Dr, she said that they would in all likelihood consider OH to be NOK in terms of decisions on my care.

*~Zephyr~*

itsanne wrote: »

The other aspect you need to sort out to acquire the legal aspects of marriage is power of attorney. As things stand, you are not legally each other's next of kin: there are no guarantees that either of you would have any say about treatment etc if the other became ill. In some respects you are looking for a more complicated and expensive way of achieving the same things that getting married would give you (though PoA is useful even then).

Thanks itsanne. Yes, as you say, even if we were married we would need POA for certain things. OH's take on it is that by just getting POA we save money on a wedding, rather than having a wedding and still having to fork out for a POA too!! :rotfl:

bouicca21

There are very few occupational pension schemes that pay out pensions to partners; if you both have one then you are lucky.

You are not each other's next of kin. Someone else gets to decide whether to pull the plug, or authorise treatment.

If you separate you have less rights than if you are married. You may think separation is unlikely after 20 years (I thought it unlikely after 30) but some sort of life crisis/episode of depression can drive people into strange behaviours that can't be sorted.

In my experience getting married after living together can be a symptom of a failing relationship. On the other hand there is a rash of marriages amongst many of my friends who have been long term cohabitees and are approaching retirement, purely and simply to ensure pension rights to the survivor.

[Deleted User]

For me, it was:
1. Got a cool certificate to hang on the wall
2. A bit of jewellery. Nice
3. Kids get to join the same religion as me
4. Big party
5. Nice photobook with family and friends in it
6, Fit within the social norms of my peer group

Mojisola

[QUOTE=*~Zephyr~*;67511853
But speaking with a friend's wife, who's an A&E Dr, she said that they would in all likelihood consider OH to be NOK in terms of decisions on my care.[/QUOTE]

I'd want something more certain than that!

This page - http://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/next-of-kin/ - has a link to a NOK card.

*~Zephyr~*

1. Got a cool certificate to hang on the wall - meh!
2. A bit of jewellery. Nice - Always a fabulous bonus!
3. Kids get to join the same religion as me - Irrelevant to me - don't believe in any god
4. Big party - HATE big parties!
5. Nice photobook with family and friends in it - got loads of those anyway
6, Fit within the social norms of my peer group - don't give a fig about social 'norms'

Don't get me wrong - I do like the idea of having a husband, rather than a boyfriend, and OH just can't be arsed really, rather than being actively against it. But I can't find a good enough reason to propel us to the town hall!!

wannabe_sybil

I think there are inheritance tax implications. I think there is also a widow's/widower's pension only available to married couples.

Also, how well do you get on with each other's family? It isn't unknown for someone to die and their unmarried partner having no say in the funeral arrangements - or even being allowed at the wake at all!

*~Zephyr~*

Mojisola wrote: »

I'd want something more certain than that!

This page - http://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/next-of-kin/ - has a link to a NOK card.

Wow, thats a great idea - thanks for the link!

I think what my Doctor friend was saying was that in the absence of any close family, they are not going to disregard OH's opinion when he's stood there at my bedside. Which makes sense because they have noone else to ask but him!

wannabe_sybil

Differences between marriage and living together from a legal/rights point of view from the CAB website

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/wales/relationships_w/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm

Mojisola

I think it's about time that couples planning to marry had to sit down with an advisor beforehand and go through the legal implications, benefits and drawbacks(?) of getting married so that everyone knew what they are signing up to like we do with any other contract.

It would also mean that the differences between being married and living together would be better known.