what do you do in the evening and weekends?

lynsayjane

Hi OP and others!

I'm somewhat in the same situation, I'm 33, single and childless. I've lived by myself since I was 20 (albeit with a few periods of partners staying).
I have friends but all are in relationships and/or parents, I get on well with my family though the two 'pods' of them are 60 and 400 miles away from me.
I don't get out in town regularly these days, especially since moving to the 'Shire (less hobbits more suburbs). I work full time and in general my evenings or weekends can involve gym, housework, cinema (by myself), shopping, diy... Reading for me is a wind down before bed unless I get eriously hooked on a book and can't put it down. Most of my time is spent in front of the TV. I enjoy cooking and baking but tend not to bother much as it feels wasted on 1.

If I had a choice I'd meet Prince Charming tomorrow, get married, raise a family... Sadly that seems to be a fate that isn't destined for me (in spite of all the cliches my friends quote to me on a regular basis). I have, and am currently, trying internet dating but at the moment even the guys who I have a mutual 'like' with don't reply to my messages (I'm not sure they get the point of the site!) and there's only been one person I've spoken to with it moving to a date but there won't be a second date.


When I moved from the city to the Shire just over a year ago I joined a couple of local groups, one is the local village association and the other was the management committee of the local community centre. I did it to make friends in the area as I didn't know anyone there at the time and since the break up of my relationship I've been very thankful I did. I get out of the house for the meetings, attend fund raisers and have people I know around the village, I also made two good friends who i see on a fairly regular basis away from these groups.
I also spent Hogmany this year with the two of them at a local ceilidh, in part I had a great time but I was painfully aware I was the third leg with them and their husbands/kids/parents etc. I ended up drinking excessively and there were a few tears shed at midnight but a lot less than if I was sat at home by myself.

OP, there are a million things I could suggest for you to meet peopel but unfortunatly if your confidence is low it's always going to be difficult.
I agree with a previous post that we need our own thread for singlies/loners, then we can create threads about various interests and meet like minded friends, even if only online. Though I do have two friends I met here about 7 years ago, one of whom I met up with in person last October for the first time which was lovely.

x

dandelionclock30

lynsayjane wrote: »

I'm only 33 and a friend offered to send over one of her cats after ANOTHER first date that didn't end up in a second.
I'm not a pet person and can luckily have a sense of humour but when a married mother says that to you it can be rather hurtful.

x

I think that's really funny actually. Lighten up.

bugslet

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I think that's really funny actually. Lighten up.

So do I dandelion, but sometimes when you are feeling a bit fed up, then little things can needle you more than they maybe should.

lynsayjane

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I think that's really funny actually. Lighten up.

When it's being said to you then you can find it as funny as you wish.
You do not know my full circumstance so don't presume to tell me how I should take it.

Lily-Rose_3

Haven't read the whole thread OP, but I reckon that there are a LOT more people who do nothing of an evening, than there are people who are super busy all the time, with loads of hobbies and friends. So don't feel bad or like you're a freak, because you're NOT.

For many people, it seems a big deal, and for some (like me) it doesn't bother them. In my teens, 20s, and 30s, I socialised a LOT, and was always out and had bundles of friends and hobbies. But over the years, many of the friendships dwindled, they let me down, or we just drifted apart, and I got more solitary, and more hermit-like, and this is how I like it now. I want to just be left alone.

I rarely go out socially, and I have few friends, and this is how I like it. I have 3 or 4 friends and a small handful of extended family, who I see every few weeks, and the rest of the time, I read, I go on the internet, I go out into the woodland, I go for drives, I go to the river, I go for coffees alone, I write, I watch TV and videos, I look around the charity shops, go to the beach occasionally, I speak to my daughter on skype or the phone, I pop out with my husband once or twice a week, and like I said, I meet a different friend or extended family member every 3-5 weeks. I don't do much that is very exciting really. (Well not for most people!)

But I enjoy my life. And I have no problem with being alone much of the time. I speak to neighbours 2 or 3 times a week, outside the front, for 10-15 minutes, and am friendly, but I am also very private and quite solitary, and don't want to be too friendly. I think it's a slippery slope being over friendly with neighbours!

I don't work anymore, as I took early retirement at around 46/47 and am very glad I did, because for the last 10 years of work, I did not particularly enjoy it. The job was OK, but as the years went on, it became increasingly stressful, and I disliked some colleagues, and the boss. I got sick of targets and goals and being under pressure all the time, and it was a struggle with having a child, and elderly and infirm parents too. (My parents have now passed, as have my husband's.)

So now I just potter around the garden, read a book, go out when it suits me and see who I want when *I* want, and do all of what I mentioned earlier. I occasionally get my husband saying 'why don't you go and talk to so and so down the road, and ask her for a drink, and ask her around, blah blah, and he suggests I join different groups for 'the company.' because he fears me being lonely, and bored. (especially with our daughter at uni now.) No way. I enjoy my own company, I hate people stuck around my house, I prefer to meet people on neutral ground, and I HATE people trying to push me into 'joining in' with stuff. He means well, but it annoys me when he assumes I need company all the time. He does. I don't.

I have spent many years nurturing and raising our child, caring for my parents, and being stuck at work, and now I am free, I don't want to be held to ransom by people expecting me to meet them and entertain them, and join in everything.

I am solitary, I am a loner, I rarely like company, and I am fine with it. I am not depressed, I don't think I am above anyone, I don't often want to go out, and I don't want people to come to my house. Why is there always this expectation that people should have company all the time? And why are people made to feel like weirdos if they want to be alone a lot, and not join in stuff?

Going back to the OP: don't feel like you HAVE to join in everything. If you want to be alone most of the time, that is up to you, and nobody else's business!

calleyw

I am ok most of the time. No work today. So only spoken to the postie as they knocked on the door with a parcel. Other wise a normal non working day I don't speak to any one.

But when I do work I find it hard some days to come home to an empty house. I have a light on timer so I don't come home to a dark house.

I am going out on what would be called a date tonight.

Yours

Calley

tea_lover

Calley, have you considered a pet? I find them the perfect amount of company I love coming home to my cat.

calleyw

tea_lover wrote: »

Calley, have you considered a pet? I find them the perfect amount of company I love coming home to my cat.

Not in to cats. A dog is not fair. As I hope to go back to full time work this year.

I have had rabbits. It would need to be shut up during the day when at work so again not fair.

Yours

Calley

Person_one

calleyw wrote: »

Not in to cats. A dog is not fair. As I hope to go back to full time work this year.

I have had rabbits. It would need to be shut up during the day when at work so again not fair.

Yours

Calley

You can work full time with dogs, if you put the effort in and depending on your job. Its not for everybody though as it does require substantial sacrifices of time and money.

What about rats? They don't live as long but are very intelligent and a bit like mini-dogs that you can train and are really interactive.

If I couldn't have dogs, I'd always consider rats to be the next best thing. I do think having another living breathing thing in your home has a really beneficial effect. I've had some really rotten days at work recently but coming home to dogs is great therapy!

calleyw

Person_one wrote: »

You can work full time with dogs, if you put the effort in and depending on your job. Its not for everybody though as it does require substantial sacrifices of time and money.

I work all over the place and sometimes only get half and hour for lunch so no way I can get home to let the dogs out.

I have a friend who uses a dog sitter. I never thought them getting a dog in the 1st place was a good idea as they work long hours and are often out doing stuff where they can't take the dog.

I could not afford a dog sitter. So unless I got a little dog and cat flap in the back door as I have enclosed garden it would not be fair.

Yours

Calley