what do you do in the evening and weekends?

calleyw

d70cw6 wrote: »

Probably be frowned on by some here - but have you tried online gaming (an mmo, like wow maybe?)

Not something I have thought about.

Yours

Calley

calleyw

ColS wrote: »

All too often it does feel like you are the only one living that sort of existence, I'm afraid

Nope its just not you.

I think we all do that to some extent.

I have just started reading a book called the half empty heart.

Its all about discontentment. Which is what I think a lot of people suffer from.

Our lives can look great to others. But we are still not happy.

If you wish to PM any time please do.

Yours

Calley

uk_american

Just two additional ideas, like you I'm not into the group setting, very daunting to walk into a room of strangers. When I moved to another country I didn't speak the language so it limited any sort of meet ups anyway. Here is how I filled my evenings then:

1. Host people on their travels
I know you mentioned valuing your privacy (as do I), but I found it quite interesting and non-stressful to meet new people, as well as to be able to help them for a night, share a meal, etc. I usually only offer up to three nights as I find that a good amount of time.

You can be clear to not be out of pocket that you're only offering them a sofa to sleep on, not everyone expects a meal. Most have bought food to cook, otherwise, it's value pasta and sauce if you really want to offer.

Plus it's great to be able to *see* things locally through another's eyes. I've met some people from all over the world and we still share an occasional facebook chat.

Some good ones are https://www.couchsurfing.com/ and http://www.hospitalityclub.org/

2. Get into blogging
When I lived in Germany I kept reading other expats' blogs (in English) about living there, then I ended up starting my own. I created my own network of people around the country, some of whom I eventually met and am still friends with. If you *know* people online, it makes it easier if you do decide to meet them in person.

Just look at blogs in topics that interest you and maybe since you like creative writing, you'll join in too.

BigAunty

Like the OP, I like my own company a lot. I don't have masses of friends. I don't ever get bored or lonely.

I spend my free time watching TV (specific box sets and programmes recorded on the PVR rather than glued for hours every night). I read a lot of news online and enjoy the Guardian Comments are Free section as I like the debates people have.

I know my work rota for the entire year so I've started to research trips and activities in my time off periods.

I probably only go out once a week - an art exhibition, meal or casual dinner party with friends, coffee and a cake, or cinema.

I regularly meditate, I do Yoga occasionally (these should be daily activities but I am ill-disciplined). I like to read non-fiction travel books and books on topics like meditation, happiness, mindfulness and so on.

I am learning a musical instrument, self taught. It's a rare percussion instrument but there is a strong online community which shares its knowledge. I would like to become skilled enough to busk in a few years time (it's on my bucket list).

I hope to buy a camera and some print-making equipment and start doing a bit more photography and art-work with a view to making my own xmas cards and pictures for the walls. May be I will take another weekend art course in print making or brush up on my photoshop and illustrator skills. Maybe I will actually learn a new language on Memrise.

I still think I waste too much time online and watching telly.....

dirty_magic

My OHs mom joined Spice a while ago; it's a group meet up organisation. She stopped going because it gets quite expensive doing things all the time, but she had a way better social life than me!

I agree with what Lily Rose said though, you can't force friendships. Having a dog is a good way to make friends though if you have the time for one (I know the OP doesn't, but for anyone else). If you go to the park or a local playing field around the same time every day you'll find that you meet the same people, and dogs tend to get people talking, especially when they wee up your leg and embarrass their owners!

BigAunty

calleyw wrote: »

I have just started reading a book called the half empty heart.

Its all about discontentment. Which is what I think a lot of people suffer from.

Then maybe you can look into things like meditation and mindfulness, do online or in person courses. I have an interest in buddhism (the secular side, it as a philosophy or standard for living, the psychology of happiness, rather than viewing it as a religion). These practices have sprung from it. It's all about suffering and how to liberate yourself from it.

I attended a 10 day long Vipassana meditation course where I spent 10 hours a day learning how to meditate using that particular technique which is designed to educate the students about misery and how to end it, the way that we cling to things (and miss them when they are gone) or flee from things (but avoiding things just makes it worse).

You could look into attending a course - you give a donation at the end according to your means so it's not one of these expensive retreats.

I have attended two courses and generally find them very miserable affairs where I am overwhelmed by my restless thoughts and aching body (sitting still for long periods is actually surprisingly excrutiating) but then the technique and insight kicks in and plants a seed towards greater happiness.

Other courses and people I have been impressed with include the Mindscape app and Jon-Kabat Zinn's guided meditations.

happiness.v4

Hey lovely!

Right, I felt very similar to you not so recently....and I can really recommend https://www.meetup.com - you'll be VERY surprised how many people feel the same as you. I have met up for a walk, drinks and a coffee catch up with a 20s and 30s group near me. Really refreshing to meet people on your own terms. You can leave when you want, and who knows, you may do something exciting and you may make a friend out of it.

Keep your chin up chicken.

System

!!!!!! all

Well when i'm at work, i tend to work evening so i sleep most of the day then work, then sleep again.

Weekends again i tend to be at work.

As sad as it is i spend most of my free time on here, or watching random documentaries. If i'm lucky to be off at the weekend i try and see the bf. Or try and go out and see friends.

But i spend 99% of my time not at work, alone Meh some days it bothers me other days i prefer my own company.

VfM4meplse

OP, you need to start living! The more you do, the more you'll want to do. The more you stay at home, the more you won't want to get out.

Meetup would be ideal for you, depending on your location. However you do it, try to form a good social network of girlfriends. And also bear in mind that the internet can be the biggest time-sucker of the lot, try and access it at very restricted times for leisure or you'll never get out and about!

crazycatlady1984

calleyw wrote: »

No you are not the only one.

I feel the same and wonder what I have got offer other people, apart from me. I can see nothing!!!!

Yes I have lost my motivation. I have house to finish off. but whats the point. I rarely get visitors and use it as an excuse as to why the place is so untidy.

Yours

Calley

p.s feel free to pm if you want to chat

Hey Calley,

Just something that struck me from the above - "wonder what I have got offer other people, apart from me. I can see nothing!!!!" - what do you think other people have to offer each other? It sounds like you are being too hard on yourself. You have nothing less to offer than anybody else.

However, I do get where you are coming from, we all get the "what am I doing here? What is the point of all this?" feeling sometimes (well I do anyway!) and for that reason, I try to do what I can for some charities (mostly animal charities!) that mean something to me. I feel massively better knowing that I am doing some good (no matter how small) in the world and, in effect, *that* is what I have to offer other people.

I know some people, a lot of them with a lot of money, nice lifestyles, full social lives, and they do very little, if not nothing, to help anybody else/charities etc. It just doesn't seem to cross their minds. They seem happy. But for me, I don't think living like that could make me happy. It just seems kind of shallow. I have a lot to be thankful for and I feel I kind of owe it to somebody (the Universe? I don't know!) to try and give back a little bit.

As for what I do in the evenings/weekends - not a lot! I am happily married, and hubby is a lot more outgoing than me. I am a big reader, and a totally perfect weekend for me is staying home, with hubby and my pets, reading, relaxing and watching Netflix.

A lot of my friends don't live in the same city as me, and I also have quite a lot of friends who I find I have very little in common with these days. I will always keep in touch with them, but I don't see them often and I don't particularly want to (no disrespect to them, they are just not those type of friendships).

I have tried to cultivate friendships in the past, and always find quite quickly that once I have established the friendship, I don't really want it anymore - I am aware that I sound awful as I am typing this!!! Again, no disrespect to the people, they are lovely and I would certainly consider them my friends, I just mean that I see these really close, speak on the phone everyday, share clothes, do each others make-up, type of friendships and think "that's what I should have" and then start to realise that that is just not me and that's not what I want. I love the look of them from the outside, but I am starting to realise its just not me and I shouldn't fight that.

Have you thought about a permanent job as opposed to temping? That may be all you need - regular contact / chat with colleagues each day plus occasional post-work drinks. That could make all the difference xxx