what do you do in the evening and weekends?

Retroguyuk

So do you feel like you want to do more, and have friends to do more with, at evenings and weekends? Or is it more that you want to find someone to be in a relationship with to do more 'coupley' things? Or both?

calleyw

Retroguyuk wrote: »

So do you feel like you want to do more, and have friends to do more with, at evenings and weekends? Or is it more that you want to find someone to be in a relationship with to do more 'coupley' things? Or both?

I would like to do a bit more. Its like xmas and new year I spent most of it on my own. And everyone felt sorry for me. I was like its ok. It would have been nice to spent time with others. but did not happen.

I think a bit of both. As i think its good in a relationship to have some time and space apart. And spend timing do your own thing. Rather than veg out in front of the sofa every night together. nothing kills a relationship quicker. I don't think I could or would ever live with someone again.

Yours

Calley

Retroguyuk

calleyw wrote: »

I would like to do a bit more. Its like xmas and new year I spent most of it on my own. And everyone felt sorry for me. I was like its ok. It would have been nice to spent time with others. but did not happen.

I don't know where you live, but if you don't want to try doing another specific activity, have you tried something like a meet-up group, something where it's just about meeting up with people to socialise rather than doing say dancing, or a book group? They seem to be growing in popularity these days, especially with people leading increasingly isolated lives. I imagine there's more going on around big cities, but there seem to be quite a few of them.

calleyw wrote: »

I think a bit of both. As i think its good in a relationship to have some time and space apart. And spend timing do your own thing. Rather than veg out in front of the sofa every night together. nothing kills a relationship quicker. I don't think I could or would ever live with someone again.

I totally agree with you about relationships needing time and space apart- it's nice to be a big part of someone else's world, but not all of it. Different people like to have different levels of contact in relationships, but the main thing is that it works for you, rather than feeling you have to do something because it's the 'norm'.

calleyw

Retroguyuk wrote: »

I don't know where you live, but if you don't want to try doing another specific activity, have you tried something like a meet-up group, something where it's just about meeting up with people to socialise rather than doing say dancing, or a book group? They seem to be growing in popularity these days, especially with people leading increasingly isolated lives. I imagine there's more going on around big cities, but there seem to be quite a few of them.

As I said before. I am shy and find it really difficult to walk through the door. Scared no one will like me, want to talk to me or make a fool of myself.

I know lots of people are the same. And I even temp so go to different places week in and week out. But its all an act. I don't mind small groups. but large groups I really don't like.

I joined a meet up group a couple of years ago. And said yes to one meet up. got as far as the car park and bottled it

Yours

Calley

Retroguyuk

calleyw wrote: »

As I said before. I am shy and find it really difficult to walk through the door. Scared no one will like me, want to talk to me or make a fool of myself.

I know lots of people are the same. And I even temp so go to different places week in and week out. But its all an act. I don't mind small groups. but large groups I really don't like.

I joined a meet up group a couple of years ago. And said yes to one meet up. got as far as the car park and bottled it

Yours

Calley

I would imagine one of the plusses of that kind of thing would be that a lot of the people there were slightly shy, and worried about the same kind of things, and all in the same boat wanting to make new friends. I think lots of people are like that, whether they admit to it or not. It's tough, yes, but you're not going to make a fool of yourself. There will be some who like you, and maybe some who don't, but you'll probably feel the same about those there too And besides, if you don't like it and don't go back, you'll never see those people again anyway, so what does it matter?

I can't really think of anything else to suggest other than activity groups really. Partner dancing's good because you're in a situation where you almost can't help but talk to someone (most have lessons where either men or women rotate round the group). Then after that initial chat, you might find it easier to approach the same people around the edge of the room between lessons and social dances.

I guess you just have to think about what's worse, accepting this is how the rest of your life might be, or walking through that door to try and improve it.

onomatopoeia99

calleyw wrote: »

As I said I am happy most of the time. But don't want to live in someones pocket. But would like company sometimes. to do the stuff that I don't want to do alone.

I understand this completely. Having and getting used to the freedom that living alone gives makes the prospect of sharing your space again on a permanent basis very off-putting.

I like it when friends and family come to visit or stay, but I also like it when they leave and I have my home to myself again.

And yes, going out to a new thing with new people is really difficult - not for everyone, but certainly for many, including me. I can't offer any advice as in this regard I have the same difficulty and I haven't found a solution yet.

calleyw

Retroguyuk wrote: »

I guess you just have to think about what's worse, accepting this is how the rest of your life might be, or walking through that door to try and improve it.

I think as I have said to people before. I am just going to have to get use to be on my own. relationship wise I have had a very bad 8 years. Being a carer and then falling for someone who was not ready and probably never will be.

I also think the weather does not help. Once I get in I tend not to want to go out. And really don't want something that I have to commit to every week.

So that probably why I do hobbies that are ones that can be done alone. No pressure as and when I like to do them.

Yours

Calley

carefullycautious

How about taking in a lodger? Monday to Friday maybe.


There are Dinner clubs for single professionals. Years ago a colleague at work met her husband this way.


The world really is your oyster as there are so many ways that you can meet up with others.

Retroguyuk

calleyw wrote: »

I think as I have said to people before. I am just going to have to get use to be on my own. relationship wise I have had a very bad 8 years. Being a carer and then falling for someone who was not ready and probably never will be.

I also think the weather does not help. Once I get in I tend not to want to go out. And really don't want something that I have to commit to every week.

So that probably why I do hobbies that are ones that can be done alone. No pressure as and when I like to do them.

Yours

Calley

It's a shame when you don't necessarily sound happy with the way things are at the moment, but I'm not sure really what else I can suggest- if you don't do things where you go out and meet more people, you're lowering your chances of meeting someone new.

I'm the same with having commitments I know I have to go to every week. I've been the same ever since I was a kid- I think I lasted at cubs about a month, and not sure my cub master ever forgave me lol

But I wish you luck and hope you feel better about your situation soon

calleyw

carefullycautious wrote: »

How about taking in a lodger? Monday to Friday maybe.
.

I did think about it. Got to the point of advertising the room. But the rest of the house is not finished and I value my privacy over everything else.

Yours

Calley