New Alcohol self help

buzzyy

ta ,what else can i say really tho,nice to know we are all not alone in this,and that the ones who have managed well that shows us all WE WILL GET THERE,also if we relapse not to worry to much coz we have a lot of barriers to get thro,any we all learn by our mistakes,cricky im still messing up ,just good to look and heard that it not just me ! innit xxxxxx anjyway just wanna say ta for the welcome here ,i probs be a little quite from here on,xxbut my heart really does go out to peeps who cant trust anyone to open up enouf to just relif(yak,talk) yourselves even to people that dont no you so noone doesnt feel like any1 is pointing at them or even yourself feeling like you have dissapointed youself coz it is good therapy for us all to keep talking,so hi,yes im still not getting were i need but hey theres hope ,and if ya have beten it great,and theres loads of people who will back you all up,its sometimes easier if we do talk to some1 who isent from the same area,and we all need to continue the back up for everyone.i back you all up and are proud of you,xx and thankyou.not sure if my babble is of any good,but to know there is a lot of peeps out there who have got better thro help of others that have been in the same situation does help xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

buzzyy

cor im sorry for all the repeats in my reply,just read it thro,owch,well im not going to drone on just had to letcha no,

brodev

Hi again Buzzy, I am glad that you came back. It is not an easy problem to deal with but I am sure that you can manage one day without a drink. I know what it is like to feel alone and disappointed in myself but I can assure you that it does not need to continue like that.

Becciboobah

I'm not sure where to put this as it's a bit of a random post. The long and the short of it is my father has been an alcoholic since before I was born (over 30 years).

Over the last decade really his condition has deteriorated to the extent that he has the mental capacity of a small child. Unless my mum makes him something he doesn't eat, when anyone comes to the door for say charity collections he immediately gives them a huge donation (he gave our local hospice £500 the other day by giving them his bank details, which as lovely a thought meant he didn't have the money to give Mum towards the mortgage!), yet he hides bills so my mum can't see them until the bailiffs come even though Mum could pay them if she knew they were there. She gets paid every 4 weeks so DD's are almost impossible for her. He steals her bank card and gets it locked in the cash points because he doesn't actually know her pin number. He is on a police pension and every penny goes on alcohol and these random acts of extreme generosity.

Having a conversation with him is almost impossible, he repeats himself over and over, or just completely ignores you staring into space. Mum rang the other night to say she'd come home and he'd put the rubbish into the tumble dryer. This could be funny but it's not. I live a 120 mile round trip from my parents and I have a 2 year old and a full time job. I desperately want to help but part of me just cannot cope seeing my Dad like this. He's 55 but could easily be mistaken for a elderly gentlemen with alzheimers or senility.

What my Mum wants to know is how can we get help for someone who still refuses to believe they have a problem? His GP says he cannot help unless Dad unless he comes and asks for it. He doesn't go to any appointment we make for him. Mum finds empty vodka bottles all over the house and garden, and he just says they're not his.

In my honest opinion I think he needs residential care and Mum doesn't know how to go about getting power of attorney over his money before it gets really out of hand. I know that sounds harsh and I don't even know if it'll be possible. Mum works full time in a care home herself, working stupidly long hours so she can pay the mortgage and bills that Dad isn't capaple of paying anymore and has to wonder whether he's burnt the house down or opened the door to more people asking for money that he just gives them

He's just a shell, and it's breaking our hearts. Mum is just a walking zombie, she is at total breaking point and with a history of depression and a failed suicide attempt 20 years ago I don't know how to help! Anyone with a similar story or experience would be greatly appreciated. This is the first time I've written it all down or said it out loud and I feel so overwhelmed!

Thanks, Lost in London

Dreamnine

Alcoholism is a terrible illness, not just for those suffering from it but also their families and friends.

AA is the only thing that really works in my experience, but your father would have to accept he has a problem.

ema_o

Hello
I don't have the answers for you for certain, but I am sure you can get Social services to assess him without him needing to admit to having a problem first. I had a similar problem with someone I know with depression and speaking to the Mind charity they gave me lots of advice.

Maybe speak to AA yourself, I am sure they are for people affected by alcoholism so include you and your mum, and expect they have plenty of experience dealing with this sort of thing.

Hope you can start to get this sorted xx

Becciboobah

I will do a search for charities that may be able to help. Thank you both so much x

cassandradance

I feel so sorry for you, your mum and your dad!
There is a form of dementia caused by alcoholism cant remember off hand what its called!
Would your dad go to the doctors to be properly diagnosed?
Possibly not people have to admit the problem and too really want help!
Thinking of you

devon45

Hi,
It's a very difficult situation for you all, but if you or your mum, like the previous posters have said, AA might be able to offer advice, in my area we have an organization called Hettys, you might have some charity near where you live.
good luck.

Becciboobah

cassandradance wrote: »

I feel so sorry for you, your mum and your dad!
There is a form of dementia caused by alcoholism cant remember off hand what its called!
Would your dad go to the doctors to be properly diagnosed?
Possibly not people have to admit the problem and too really want help!
Thinking of you

We've taken him to the doctors and he just says he doesn't have a problem or he doesn't say anything to which the GP says he can't help if he refuses to then follow up on any of the help and advice he gives. He never turns up to appointments and even if he gets frogmarched there he just sits in complete silence refusing to co-operate. I've written him letter after letter explaining what he's doing to us all and it just hasn't sunk in. Various people have explained that sometimes an alcoholic won't stop until they've lost everything but I don't think any of us are willing to kick him out onto the street to see if it works! He just doesn't care about anything unless it's alcohol.

My brother now refuses to acknowledge him, he doesn't speak to him at all and hasn't for the best part of 2 or 3 years. He picks Mum up once a fortnight and they go for lunch or the cinema.

I thank you all again for your help and encouraging comments, I do appreciate you taking the time to write x