New Alcohol self help

Bogof_Babe

Hiya Brodev, as he's gorn I will answer. At the top of each page it shows how many views the thread has had - currently 25033 for this one! Popular aren't we?

What does filiss mean btw?

brodev

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Hiya Brodev, as he's gorn I will answer. At the top of each page it shows how many views the thread has had - currently 25033 for this one! Popular aren't we?

What does filiss mean btw?

Thanks "filiss" means that I haven't done anything about it and that is the default :rotfl:

loopy_lass

*Peppa* wrote: »

Hi, I am a (very!) long time lurker on this thread (and the prevous ones!) but I've never posted before. (And I'm sorry but I've signed on under a new username).
he's an alcoholic or not. I suspect not, he just enjoys his "pop" (mostly red wine). He doesn't have any of the symptoms like shakes, sweating, having a drink in the morning etc but he does drink a hell of a lot!! His family My OH is a heavy drinker, and I spend many a (un)happy hour trying to figure out if are pretty heavy drinkers and he drinks even more than usual when he's with them. SAME WITH MY FELLA

I just don't know what to do. I have been with him a long time we are married with 3 (very young) kids and I wouldn't/couldn't leave him. He isn't often nasty (and never physically); though I tend to go to bed early when he's drinking as I know he can suddenly turn, and I don't want to risk it! He holds down a responsible job. He doesn't do anything REALLYdoes lots of things that upset me/make me angry - leaves the door/window open all night, spills wine everywhere, wakes me up and talks nonsense. bad when he's drunk; though he Stays in bed pretty much all day at the weekend while I deal with the kids. I'm always tired which makes it harder to deal with.

None of it sounds very much really, but it makes me very unhappy.

A few weeks ago I decided to measure how much he actually drinks, and that seems to have clarified to me that it really is a problem. In the last couple of months the least he's drunk is 70 units in a week, and the most 160. Averaging over 120. He hasn't had a single night without anything, though he will only have one or two once/twice a week. I am shocked at how much it is!! MINE DRANK £400 PER MONTH and insisted he didnt have a drink problem IMO THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF DEPENDANT DRINKERS!

I am absolutely the least confrontational person you could meet, HE KNOWS THIS AND WILL EXPOLOIT IT and I don't even feel I can talk to him about it. There have been times in the past when I've been upset and he's said he'll cut down but it never lasts. Though he is capable of going months without a drink if he's dieting. I just feel stupid for getting myself into this situation! He drank a lot when we were first dating (about 15 years ago!!!), but I though it was normal - just having fun. He carried on - said it was "work". What ever the situation, he will drink - on holiday, to "chill out", under pressure, "to relax", unhappy to "drown his sorrows", happy "to party" etc etc. I used to get drunk with him too sometimes, but then we had kids and my life changed so I stopped - now I hardly drink because one of us has to be responsible (and it's always me!).

Sorry for the long post. I've never told anybody this before. I'm ashamed to tell anyone, because he's not really changed over the years - but I have (I thought that's what happens - you grow up!). I can see what he's doing is (very probably) harmful to his health (though he plays sport several times a week and is fitter than me!) and harmful to our relationship. I worry so much that he will lose his job, I worry for the future when the kids start seeing him drunk. Just keep worrying! And hating myself for being so useless.

I feel incapable of doing anything about it. I am too often finding myself disgusted by him and its awful to feel that way about your husband!!

I don't know why I've posted this really. I know none of you can sort this out for me! Guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Sorry for the long post. He's a nice guy underneath all the booze, which I guess is why I'm with him!

WAKE UP CALL HONEY!!!!!! this is the same situation as me, except ive only been with mine a year, you are sufferin from the effects of alcoholism IMHO.... i also lost my self confidence, it was all blamed on me, blah blah blah...

The only advice i can give you, is go to AL ANON.... it changed my life, its changed my childrens life, its saved my life..... all i can say is try it, give it 4 months, cos at first it doesnt all make sense.

Shares in a meeting makes you realise ITS NOT YOU!!!! he is alcohol dependant, he is sick, but honey we are sick also, as we spend all our time trying to prevent the alcoholic from drinking.... AND ITS NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY.... we are powerless over alcohol....

sorry to sound off, but honestly, read what ive underlined and made red, you are the same as i WAS....
Is Al-Anon For You?

The following questions are to help you decide whether Al- Anon is for you.

• Do you have a parent, close friend or relative whose drinking upsets you?
• Do you cover up your real feelings by pretending you don't care?
• Does it seem like every holiday is spoiled because of drinking?
• Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking or what's happening in your home?
• Do you stay out of the house as much as possible because you hate it there?
• Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
• Do you feel nobody really loves or cares what happens to you?
• Are you afraid or embarrassed to bring your friends home?
• Do you think the drinker's behaviour is caused by you, other members of your family, friends, or rotten breaks in life?
• Do you believe no one could possibly understand how you feel?
• Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
• Are meal times frequently delayed because of the drinker?
• Have you considered calling the police because of drinking behaviour?
• Have you refused dates out of fear or anxiety?
• Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?

If you have answered YES to some of these questions, Al-Anon may help you.




http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alanon/isAlanonForYou.asp and http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alanon/newcomerInfo.asp dont forget this affects children also ......for children/young people http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen/isAlateenForYou.asp

love to ya..

loops

brodev

Lovely post Loopy. It shows that you have to walk the walk in able to talk the talk

lewt

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

It's probably because there are about 25 of us regulars, so when there is a new post we all pop in for a look, even if we haven't anything specific to contribute at that time.

Anyway what are you doing wasting precious sightseeing time in Hollywood by worrying about this thread lol? Seen any celebs yet?

i dont seem to need as much sleep as my mrs so i surf the web

no celebs yet no... i did see a load of houses that are owned by them though, and i saw really awful wax work models of some..... lol.

brodev

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

What does filiss mean btw?

In honour of you I've changed it to something really interesting

~N_I_K_I~

Hello everyone

I’m sorry for not posting often. I felt I owed you all an update. After my al-anon meeting, we spoke, looked at the leaflets etc (like we have before so many times) and he vowed to stop. This lasted about 4 days.
We are now at a place where he doesn’t drink at all through the week and is sticking to beer on a weekend. I’m not new to this, we’re in our 8th year so I know this won’t be sustained but he says he can’t see a life without drink. I know it’s a case of when and not if for the next big binge and another rock-bottom.

At the moment though, I’m happy. He is like a maniac through the week; we go to the gym every night, he’s cooking (super healthy meals), and cleaning, spending time with the kids, doing diy and doing good work in his job. The thing is I love him dearly, he’s a wonderful person inside who is trying to be better and he’s doing that for me and the kids. He is a nightmare at times but I honestly believe it hurts him more than me.

I’ve always been a soft touch……..that’s it for now!

X

Bogof_Babe

Thanks for the update Niki, it sounds pretty positive so fingers crossed he really has seen the light this time. At least he is making a big effort. Keep encouraging him and plan some treats or outings as a couple, to reinforce the proof that there is life without booze, and a much better one too.

Taffyscot

Hey brod how is Portugal when are you coming back home? Oh boy did you see the rugger? Scotland against the world champs South Africa and Scots wa hay they nearly beat them put up a good fight. I have been to AA meetings lately but have to find an alanon meeting that I am comfortable with because I am not working on my addiction. The addiction of co-dependency and loving my alcoholic and not getting any better myself even tho I am understanding things better. Hang in there all of you. Hugs Taffy

lewt

Taffyscot wrote: »

Hey brod how is Portugal when are you coming back home? Oh boy did you see the rugger? Scotland against the world champs South Africa and Scots wa hay they nearly beat them put up a good fight. I have been to AA meetings lately but have to find an alanon meeting that I am comfortable with because I am not working on my addiction. The addiction of co-dependency and loving my alcoholic and not getting any better myself even tho I am understanding things better. Hang in there all of you. Hugs Taffy

i confussed, do you live with an alky? there is a co dependavy anonymous too i think