New Alcohol self help

lewt

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Oh dear Niki, what a terrible situation. In your shoes I would seriously consider leaving him unless he makes immediate efforts to control or preferably pack up his drinking. It sounds like he has a bad problem, and if he isn't prepared to at least try to stay sober there is very little you can do. How old are his kids? Would they be at risk if you left them with him? Would their mother have them?

I logged on to share my 1st Birthday with you all, as it is a year ago today that I had my last drink. In the circs it is perhaps best to keep it low key though. I must just boast that in that year I have lost 1 stone weight and saved around £500, but the main thing is I have got my life back!

Hugs to all those still struggling. It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, as they say, and even the worst demon can be conquered with the right approach, so please hold the faith, whatever your situation.

WOW that year has gone quick. well done babe! i hope your proud of yourself. the greatest ting i your always here and on the deb free thred sharing your experience and helping others. what a great prson im so pleased for you. you've found what worked for you and now your sharing it. great stuff!

lewt

I have seen so many posts from partners so here is what the book i recovered from has in it, the title of the chapters is "to wives" however the word wife is changable to husband, partner,son, daughter etc. well worth a read.

http://www.healtalk.com/public/Chapter-8.shtml

lewt

stringer_bell wrote: »

!!!!

just found this thread, was looking for info on plasma tv's

i have been going to aa for 10 weeks only, best move i ever made. feel loads better

i have a very good job paying 60k +, my weekends though have been like i was still at university for the last 8 years (I am 44) as are my holidays. never night before work though (if i lose my job i can't drink was my mantra)

some of the people you meet in aa who talk about drinking a bottle of vodka on the way to work!! are a bity extreme, but for me its working

Hi SB, so have you been sober for the time you have been going ?

try www.hotukdeals.com for your tele

I find it aint about how much a person drank or often it is about weather after you start you have little or no control over the ammount you consume.

Do yourself a favour get yourself a bigbook, read the doctors opinion and diaognose yourself. then if you feel your are the real alcoholic that it talks about, find someone who knows what they are talking about and ask them to sponser you through the 12 steps.

I found when i started attending meetings, that the illness doesnt discriminate, i have met alsorts since going, it dont matter weather you earn 10k, 100 million or 100£... if you have the illness the solution is the same.

good luck mate.

Bogof_Babe

Hi SB, good to meet you. I haven't done AA but I do think you make your own God, and he/she/it is your guiding light. I'm so glad you've found this thread and our resident star Lewt, as it is a place we can share our journey without any negative judgement, and with plenty of positive encouragement.

Good to see you back too Lewt, I wondered where you'd got to although I've spotted you on other boards occasionally.

Today I was offered a mini bite-size stollen cake, and on eating it I could taste rum. There can't have been more than a drop in it though ,and it might have just been rum flavouring, so I'm not declaring a fall off the wagon! :rotfl:

brodev

stringer_bell wrote: »

the god bit bothers me as i dont really believe, trying to get my head around the higher power bit. aa certainly works for a lot

I have known many who have stayed sober in AA till the day that they died and who did not believe in a god. Some were committed communists to whom God was an enigma. They still believed however that the answer had to come from outside of themselves and very often the group was their higher power. The idea of god is there to help not hinder, to make you realize that you yourself are powerless. Do not worry about a definition of HP. The mere fact that you have sought help shows that you know that you don't have the answer in yourself. Unfortunately many of us forget this and think I am OK now.
PS nice to see you lewt

Taffyscot

Nice to see you back Lewt. Has anyone heard at all from Shaz talking about Bogof and mixing her up with Shazbro made me wonder where the heck she is and I hope she is ok. Brod what is the weather like in Portugal? You lucky thing. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr here. Hey Brod did you hear that Mccain's grandfather came from Millport? Keep warm kiddos. Taffy

suki1964

stringer_bell wrote: »

!!!!

just found this thread, was looking for info on plasma tv's

i have been going to aa for 10 weeks only, best move i ever made. feel loads better

i have a very good job paying 60k +, my weekends though have been like i was still at university for the last 8 years (I am 44) as are my holidays. never night before work though (if i lose my job i can't drink was my mantra)

some of the people you meet in aa who talk about drinking a bottle of vodka on the way to work!! are a bity extreme, but for me its working

I never had a drink before 4.30 so I wasnt an alkie

I never had a drink in the morning so I wasnt an alkie

I never had a drink on a sunday so I wasnt an alkie

Im ten years now as a recovering alkie

I dont do the god bit either. But I do have a higher power but until I found that higher power in me, the meetings were it.


Never look at the differences, look for the similarity's

Good luck

*Peppa*

suki1964 wrote: »

I never had a drink before 4.30 so I wasnt an alkie

I never had a drink in the morning so I wasnt an alkie

I never had a drink on a sunday so I wasnt an alkie

Im ten years now as a recovering alkie

Hi, I am a (very!) long time lurker on this thread (and the prevous ones!) but I've never posted before. (And I'm sorry but I've signed on under a new username).

My OH is a heavy drinker, and I spend many a (un)happy hour trying to figure out if he's an alcoholic or not. I suspect not, he just enjoys his "pop" (mostly red wine). He doesn't have any of the symptoms like shakes, sweating, having a drink in the morning etc but he does drink a hell of a lot!! His family are pretty heavy drinkers and he drinks even more than usual when he's with them.

I just don't know what to do. I have been with him a long time we are married with 3 (very young) kids and I wouldn't/couldn't leave him. He isn't often nasty (and never physically); though I tend to go to bed early when he's drinking as I know he can suddenly turn, and I don't want to risk it! He holds down a responsible job. He doesn't do anything REALLY bad when he's drunk; though he does lots of things that upset me/make me angry - leaves the door/window open all night, spills wine everywhere, wakes me up and talks nonsense. Stays in bed pretty much all day at the weekend while I deal with the kids. I'm always tired which makes it harder to deal with.

None of it sounds very much really, but it makes me very unhappy.

A few weeks ago I decided to measure how much he actually drinks, and that seems to have clarified to me that it really is a problem. In the last couple of months the least he's drunk is 70 units in a week, and the most 160. Averaging over 120. He hasn't had a single night without anything, though he will only have one or two once/twice a week. I am shocked at how much it is!!

I am absolutely the least confrontational person you could meet, and I don't even feel I can talk to him about it. There have been times in the past when I've been upset and he's said he'll cut down but it never lasts. Though he is capable of going months without a drink if he's dieting. I just feel stupid for getting myself into this situation! He drank a lot when we were first dating (about 15 years ago!!!), but I though it was normal - just having fun. He carried on - said it was "work". What ever the situation, he will drink - on holiday, to "chill out", under pressure, "to relax", unhappy to "drown his sorrows", happy "to party" etc etc. I used to get drunk with him too sometimes, but then we had kids and my life changed so I stopped - now I hardly drink because one of us has to be responsible (and it's always me!).

Sorry for the long post. I've never told anybody this before. I'm ashamed to tell anyone, because he's not really changed over the years - but I have (I thought that's what happens - you grow up!). I can see what he's doing is (very probably) harmful to his health (though he plays sport several times a week and is fitter than me!) and harmful to our relationship. I worry so much that he will lose his job, I worry for the future when the kids start seeing him drunk. Just keep worrying! And hating myself for being so useless.

I feel incapable of doing anything about it. I am too often finding myself disgusted by him and its awful to feel that way about your husband!!

I don't know why I've posted this really. I know none of you can sort this out for me! Guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Sorry for the long post. He's a nice guy underneath all the booze, which I guess is why I'm with him!

Bogof_Babe

Phew, you poor thing. I don't have the answers but wanted you to know someone has read your plight and is thinking about you and trying to work out some sort of helpful reply.

He might be a nice guy when he's off the booze but it sounds like that is a hardly ever situation, and as you rightly say it just isn't fair that you are the only one acting like a grown-up in your relationship, especially as you have small children. If you can't rely on your partner to co-parent then there is something very wrong.

I do think you need to have this out with him at an appropriate opportunity, i.e. sometime when he is not drinking or about to drink. My gut instinct is that it won't get you anywhere, as he seems to be dependent on alcohol, but at least he will be aware of how much it distresses you and once the cards are on the table the onus will be on him to address his problems.

Does he not care that he is probably heading for cirrhosis of the liver, along with goodness knows what other health problems? He seems to be in cloud cuckoo land and if he's clever enough to hold down a good job then he has no real excuse.

I'm sorry I really don't know what to suggest, but I will keep thinking and come back if anything else occurs to me. I'm sure the others will be along soon to add their thoughts. You will of course have considered Al-Anon, so that might be your first move. At least you will get professional advice there. Best of luck, and keep posting.

Taffyscot

Hi Peppa,
You need to get along to an alanon meeting as soon as you can. If you call the alanon line which is nation wide they will tell you of all the meetings in your area. They will then ask if it is ok for someone to call you back or if there s a time that is convenient for you then they will call back. They will never identify themselves unless they actually talk to you. If someone else was to answer the phone they will ask for you and not leave a message just say when will you be in and that they will call back. You can say whatever you like if someone else answers the phone.
It was such a huge relief to me when I first went to an alanon meeting I nearly wept. I could actually talk, speak the truth, without trying to cover it up to friends, soft soap it so it didn't sound so bad. I was always concerned with friends that they would dislike my son because of his behaviour etc.
God what a relief to say he did this and he did that without somene rolling their eyes as if to say "Just how do you put up with behaviour like that"? It is a family disease, it affects the whole family and it is a disease of shame, embarrasment, heartbreak and loneliness. If you can manage to get to a meeting, no one has to know for now, but you will be amazed at how you feel when you leave. You will think if tothers can get through it and worse things than me then there is hope.
They will teach you that worry is interest paid on a debt that you might never have and indeed it is one day at a time. If you start to go and feel the peace and serenity that comes from the meetings sometimes the change in your behaviour can make the alcoholic feel like they want some of that too and gradually might bring along change. The welcome that you get when you walk through those doors is second to none that you will ever receive and you will know that you are not alone.
Taffy