New Alcohol self help

~N_I_K_I~

Sorry to break all the positive posts, my Oh is still binge drinking on a huge scale. He had some time off work this week to care for the kids and has done nothing but sit and get drunk from 8am and then all throughout the day. The kids (both his- not mine) just called me at work quite upset so I popped home, made them something to eat and gave them some money to go shopping. He was flaked out in bed and I lost it and slapped him and poured his wine away and took all his cash and cards. I wish I hadn’t now, I know I should just leave him to it. I’m just so so angry. At this moment in time I don’t want to go to al-anon or support him in anyway, I just want to leave. I’ve had 8 years of this. L Today he has drunk 3 bottles of wine and he’s supposed to be working too, he has a new job, I checked the emails he’s been sending out and some illegible. I’m ashamed of him and me and the whole situation.

Bogof_Babe

Oh dear Niki, what a terrible situation. In your shoes I would seriously consider leaving him unless he makes immediate efforts to control or preferably pack up his drinking. It sounds like he has a bad problem, and if he isn't prepared to at least try to stay sober there is very little you can do. How old are his kids? Would they be at risk if you left them with him? Would their mother have them?

I logged on to share my 1st Birthday with you all, as it is a year ago today that I had my last drink. In the circs it is perhaps best to keep it low key though. I must just boast that in that year I have lost 1 stone weight and saved around £500, but the main thing is I have got my life back!

Hugs to all those still struggling. It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, as they say, and even the worst demon can be conquered with the right approach, so please hold the faith, whatever your situation.

Taffyscot

BBBBBBBBBBbogooooooooooooooooooof well done, congrats is it really a year? I joined this thread about the same time as you so I have been following you very closely. I have gone through the sad times with you and the times that you have felt like drinking so badly. You have done marvelously, if my memory serves me right are you the one that was in a relationship that was abusive and you got rid of the drink and the relationship at the same time and you were so low and so lonely? I hope that is you that I am not rambling on about someone else. Anyway congrats kiddo.
Taffy

Taffyscot

~N_I_K_I~ wrote: »

Sorry to break all the positive posts, my Oh is still binge drinking on a huge scale. He had some time off work this week to care for the kids and has done nothing but sit and get drunk from 8am and then all throughout the day. The kids (both his- not mine) just called me at work quite upset so I popped home, made them something to eat and gave them some money to go shopping. He was flaked out in bed and I lost it and slapped him and poured his wine away and took all his cash and cards. I wish I hadn’t now, I know I should just leave him to it. I’m just so so angry. At this moment in time I don’t want to go to al-anon or support him in anyway, I just want to leave. I’ve had 8 years of this. L Today he has drunk 3 bottles of wine and he’s supposed to be working too, he has a new job, I checked the emails he’s been sending out and some illegible. I’m ashamed of him and me and the whole situation.

Hi Nikki I hear you and I do think alanon sometimes does seem to say don't leave and put up with all the sh---. I too do not agree with that. You do not have to feel ashamed of yourself. Remember you didn't Cause it, you can't Change it and you can't Cure it. Remember also that what your husband has is an illness. I know it is no excuse for his behaviour. Sometimes they cannot change their behaviour until they reach their bottom and sometimes they cannot change until others around them change. If you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same results. Keep your chin up but try and go to an alanon meeting it will help you know. Others will talk about how low and ashamed they felt and it helps to know that you are not alone. Taffy

Bogof_Babe

Lol Taffy, thanks so much but actually that wasn't me. I know who it was but can't remember her name just at the moment. I'll edit this post when I do remember .

Embarrassingly I haven't really struggled at all, so I feel a bit of a fraud posting on this thread. I guess I wasn't truly addicted, just in a bad habit that I didn't want to get any worse. Anyway that's history now, but if I am proof that it can be done and it doesn't have to be a huge trauma, then all well and good.

Having this thread has really helped though, as I would have felt I'd let everyone down if I'd slipped back into the old ways, so thank you for being my support system everyone, it has made all the difference. :T

Edit: I'm thinking of Shazrobo who joined around the same time as we did. Haven't seen her around lately - hope everything is okay.

Taffyscot

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Lol Taffy, thanks so much but actually that wasn't me. I know who it was but can't remember her name just at the moment. I'll edit this post when I do remember .

Embarrassingly I haven't really struggled at all, so I feel a bit of a fraud posting on this thread. I guess I wasn't truly addicted, just in a bad habit that I didn't want to get any worse. Anyway that's history now, but if I am proof that it can be done and it doesn't have to be a huge trauma, then all well and good.

Having this thread has really helped though, as I would have felt I'd let everyone down if I'd slipped back into the old ways, so thank you for being my support system everyone, it has made all the difference. :T

Edit: I'm thinking of Shazrobo who joined around the same time as we did. Haven't seen her around lately - hope everything is okay.

aye that's it and we did join the same time didn't we? I hope she is ok. duhhhhhhhh me mixing you up. I am glad you recognised your problem before it got worse babe and you have still done really well. taffs

~N_I_K_I~

Hi Bogof_babe and Taffy

Thanks for the replies. Congratulations Bogof_b thats really good news I'd hate to dampen it for you! weight loss and moneysaving too! :money: Well done for being so positive.

I can't actually believe it but I went to al-anon tonight. Things were terrible when I came back, he'd started on the whisky so I just went. Theres one near my work tomorrow too and I'm going to go again. One lady there was just like me but in 30 years time, if I stay. He's comatose on the settee at the moment. I've made the situation worse this time by being angry and nasty but I know I'm not to blame, I'm only human. Don't know what tomorrow will bring but I feel a bit calmer. His children are 17 and 15, only the 17 year old lives with us, the 15yo just stays in the holidays. I have my own 13yr old DD but she was with friends today. His 17yo would come with me if I went, we're very close. He wanted our joint bank card so gave him £20 instead(okay i threw it at him) and he tore it up :mad: :mad: :mad: :eek: will the bank take it?

Thanks for being here, apart from having a headache from crying, i feel okay!

x x x

Taffyscot

~N_I_K_I~ wrote: »

Hi Bogof_babe and Taffy

Thanks for the replies. Congratulations Bogof_b thats really good news I'd hate to dampen it for you! weight loss and moneysaving too! :money: Well done for being so positive.

I can't actually believe it but I went to al-anon tonight. Things were terrible when I came back, he'd started on the whisky so I just went. Theres one near my work tomorrow too and I'm going to go again. One lady there was just like me but in 30 years time, if I stay. He's comatose on the settee at the moment. I've made the situation worse this time by being angry and nasty but I know I'm not to blame, I'm only human. Don't know what tomorrow will bring but I feel a bit calmer. His children are 17 and 15, only the 17 year old lives with us, the 15yo just stays in the holidays. I have my own 13yr old DD but she was with friends today. His 17yo would come with me if I went, we're very close. He wanted our joint bank card so gave him £20 instead(okay i threw it at him) and he tore it up :mad: :mad: :mad: :eek: will the bank take it?

Thanks for being here, apart from having a headache from crying, i feel okay!

x x x

Hi Nikk
I am glad you went to alanon you do feel calmer don't you? Realise you are not alone and others are going through the same that you can be honest with. It is a disease of shame and covering up a family illness. My best friend is going through exactly the same as you right now. Hubby comotose most of the time and he was laid off from work so all the time in the world to drink He is abusive and does not even wash anymore, those old foggies that have lived with that for 30 years do not identify with what you are going through. You are not to blame and you are allowed to get mad too who wouldn't? You are only human and don't you forget it but easy does it and one day at a time. Change yourself that is all you can do, change the way that you behave and you will feel better in yourself and who knows what might happen if you have the courage to change. God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. How true is that!!!!!!!!! Taffy

brodev

Here am I en route for Algarve with internet access. CONGRATULATIONS Bogoff well done I am really happy for you.
Niki I am sorry to hear of your trouble but I am pleased that you have found some support for YOU at Alanon. I have had no experience at living with a practising alcoholic(other than me) so I will leave other comments to those who have.

habibi_2

Congrats Bogoff Babe, that's a great achievement.

Well done for still going to your meetings Niki. I hope things have calmed down. I know it's a struggle at times, particularly when the drinker seems to be doing nothing about their problem but I also know my life was a lot worse in the days before I got myself to Al-Anon. There I was with with others that truly understood what I was going through and encouraged me to go for myself, to make MY life better. I learnt to try to do the best I could each day but that some days I could manage it better than others so not to beat myself up if I had a bad day. Those that have been around a long time passed on the benefits of their experience to me and i find that they always remember where they have come from and what they went through. My understanding is that Al-Anon does not make any judgement on what a person should do about their situation, it is up to each individual to decide for themselves; however, it does suggest not acting in haste but waiting at least six months before making any big decisions.

Enjoy the sunshine Brodev, you lucky thing.