online shopping/ebay addiction

msmiller

Sorry this is long and silly but it's driving me crazy.

I'm pretty depressed right now, I'm just about to move out from my parents, have been saving hard for college. I spend so much time online selling and buying on ebay, I simply can't control my spending.

I'm obsessed with checking my items to see if I've been outbid or whether mine are selling. I really can't afford to do this - I don't really have an income since I quit my job. I can't stand how I look and hate all the clothes I own, I feel like if I buy something "amazing" my life will change, that I will have tons of confidence and I will like myself.

I feel disgusted with myself. I don't even feel like I want to go out and see people as I feel they are judging me...and even if they aren't I feel so on edge when I'm out. I haven't always been like this and it really upsets me. It seems stupid that I buy all this stuff and never end up wearing it cos I don't go out anymore. I'm so scared about money, I'm obsessed with saving yet I can't stop buying....

whitewing

Hello msmiller! Well, I know about constantly checking stuff online (me with MSE, not ebay, fortunately). It's good that you are focused on saving too - that motivation will give you something to build on in the future.

Are you actually in debt?

msmiller

thanks for reply. no, I'm not in any debt luckily, until recently I had a steady income and it was easier as I had been living at home. I have credit cards but i keep them in the freezer!

whitewing

That's good then. If you had been in debt, I would have suggested posting in the debt-free wannabe board as they would be really supportive.

Why did you quit your job? Is your ebaying a recent 'obsession' or have you been doing it for a long time and your income from the job masked your problem? Why are you moving out from home? Was it your choice? (You don't have to answer any of these, but more info may help us help you. I know what it's like to be unhappy, but it can get better)

msmiller

It's a long story, I'm moving away to do a course, and that's been my plan for years so I had been saving really hard for this. I quit early because I was so unhappy where I was and I knew I had enough money to tide me over until I moved - but only just.

I'd say for over a year I've had a bit of an obsession with online shopping and ebay but it's since I've not been working I've been at home most of the time so it's easy just to log in and spend. When I was working I was usually knackered when I got home and just went straight to bed. Now, I hardly sleep with worry about money and about leaving home, (I'm moving 600 miles away) and I find myself online at stupid o'clock in the morning.

whitewing

Thanks for the further info, I need to go to bed now as I will be up early, but hate to leave someone at this time of night when they are feeling so vulnerable. I will be checking on you in the morning. I will be in and out between about 8am and 12pm and then later in the day. I am sure that others on MSE will jump in to help too.

If you would like, I would very much like to support you.

Firstly, it would help if you gave us more info (without revealing too much personal info). Anything and everything will give us a starting point. Explain particularly why you hate your looks? Are you over or underweight? Do you have scars? Do family and friends actually tell you you’re pretty? We may have suggestions.

Secondly, make a promise that for (Mon 30th) – just for the day - that you will not buy anything online and keep us updated.

Thirdly, give us an action plan (just a basic list of small things that you can do to get things happening for yourself to make you feel in control. For example, having a clearout, calling the Samaritans –if you need to chat, listing what exactly you are worried about money-wise i.e. lack of knowledge etc, maybe speaking to a temping agency – just speaking at this stage as I know you’re not feeling confident)

Use your thread as a diary. Other people will be inspired by it as there are many, many people who will have similar feelings at one time or another.

I will be back on in the morning to say hello. Take care and if you can’t sleep, then don’t spend, don’t worry but try to do some of the above. We will help you break this habit.

msmiller

whitewing you are an absolute star It makes me feel slightly better just to know there are kind people like you who are willing to offer some help and support. I really appreciate it.

I have never like how I looked, i always stood out and got bullied a bit as a child. In my early teens I developed an eating disorder (i'm partially recovered) I started modelling at around the same time and although I enjoyed it, it never helped me build a great deal of self esteem. In a lot of ways it made things worse and I met some horrible people and some of their comments really got to me.

I'm not ugly. I know that. But somehow, I can't accept myself. As I said I always feel people are judging me...this seems stupid to me as I certainly do not treat other people in that way. Why do I do it to myself?

I'm not overweight. I feel big though as I have such a small frame and I am the biggest I have ever been right now. My mum tells me I look nice and sometimes my friends but it doesn't make any difference.

I always always compare myself to other people. I'm often envious of what other people look like and wish I had things that they had. I have so little confidence and I feel like if I liked how I looked and had the clothes I wanted I would be able to go and enjoy life.

I buy things I think I can't live without and then never have the guts to wear any of it!

ixwood

HAve you got any interests or hobbies you can replace ebay with? Moneysaving if nothing else!!

this site is big enough to keep you constantly busy. And well informed to boot.

Take care and chin up. It's the start of your new life!

whitewing

Good morning, pretty milly (msmiller seems so formal) and good morning, ixwood.

Well, I have never been pretty, so I'm going to struggle to help you out with that one (although my OH loves me just the way I am!).. I know what it's like to see clothes I would love to wear. I am intrigued as to what you don't have the guts to wear... revealing stuff that gets you the wrong kind of attention (which isn't going to help your self-esteem and will put of the nice fellas)? Or simply beautiful stuff that you don't feel beautiful enough to wear even though you are? Put some pictures of the clothes on line, I'm interested.

Whatever pretty milly, you do need to keep off buying today, and tell us what you are going to do today that's positive. I'll be back later. (Also check out the student section, in case there's helpful advice there for other money saving stuff).

msmiller

To be honest, it can be anything that I dont have the guts to wear. Even if it looks nice Ill find a reason why it doesn't! I would never wear anything revealing, I always tend to cover up...

Also, I haven't bought anything so far today

I'll try to keep my mind off it!

thanks again x

poppyjay

hi hope your ok ebay can get very addictive but there alot of people on this site that will help do you think you may be suffering with any deppession would it be worth seeing your gp