Official Trying to Conceive - Thread 12

MancMama4

Morning all, CD16 1DPO here (I think - temp hasn't spiked yet but opk now neg...)... let the 2ww begin!

Baby dust to all xx

lulu_92

I really admire and respect you IanRi. My OH doesn't get involved in any of the TTC process. If I so much as mention CM he shudders and pulls a face. I asked him nicely to do some research about TTC because frankly after a year of doing the hard work I'm sick of doing all the reading.

we DTD on Tuesday (CD10) and OH decided he was too tired last night so it already looks like the plan is out of the window. I know people said not to plan but he told me to give us structure so it's even more annoying that he's not sticking to a plan we both agreed on! I told him that BDing a lot in one week out of four is not a massive deal and the end result more than makes up for it, which I think gave him food for thought.

jtr2803

Cuilean wrote: »

Yep, that's what I have. I've resisted things like methotrexate and stuck with UVB so far, but it's becoming less and less effective, so the consultant was pushing me really hard until I told him about TTC! Nice to meet someone else who understands

I do indeed, I know MTX is a huge no-no when pregnant, I had it for years, had to come off due to complications with my liver, then went on to cyclosporin which never really did much, then back on to MTX as my liver was better and eventually I got the go-ahead for biologicals so am currently on Humira (but I've not been able to take it for the past few weeks due to being surrounded by colds!). Hubby and I talked about the meds when we decided to TTC and agreed I would stop it as soon as I fall pregnant, I can see from not taking it for a few weeks that it starts to fall out of my system relatively quickly.

LuLu, I've made no secret of it that my husband has zero sex drive, to the point that he could probably live his life as an A sexual given the opportunity. I did my time of being frustrated and annoyed at it but I still love him and we just get on with it. That said, he does want children and makes the effort with BDing because he knows it can't happen otherwise. I am not saying this to upset you but are you sure your OH is *really* on board with TTCing? I appreciate we can only go from your posts but he seems to be attempting to sabotage numerous cycles by being tired etc even when you have made it clear that is is needed. TTCing is not romantic particularly but like you say, it's the end result that matters and I am worried at how long you will be going through this with him, especially at the moment with recent events and how you are feeling.

I don't believe many men 'get' the urge for a baby but in any serious relationship what is hugely important to one person should be, by proxy, important to the other. It's a journey, and one made easier if both have the same map. I really hope he can get himself together or at least be brutally honest with his feelings *hugs*

lulu_92

Jtr I have thought this many times and he is adamant that he wants children. After our mc I said maybe we should stop and he didn't want to. There must be something stopping him from wanting to BD, it's probably something about me as what else can it be?

If he doesn't step up this month I might have to stop TTC as I can't take it.

FreddieFrugal

Thank you Lulu, that was a lovely thing to say.

lulu_92 wrote: »

We DTD on Tuesday (CD10) and OH decided he was too tired last night so it already looks like the plan is out of the window.

I don't get this. We both decided we wanted to start trying for a baby and I didn't take that to mean, 'she's the woman, she can try and have the baby, I'll do buger all'. Joint decision, joint responsibility and besides I REALLY want to be a dad.

It's been a team effort all the way. Both doing the research. I was keeping notes daily about changes and when we'd tried etc. to keep track of it all. When it went wrong it wasn't her problem it was ours because I view it as OUR pregnancy and OUR baby.

I can't actually carry it and I couldn't go through the termination, but if made sure I did absolutely everything I could to support her through it.

Since then been a team effort to make sure we're both as healthy as we can be going forward (because it makes her happier about it all knowing that at least we've tried our best)

I worry maybe your OH doesn't have his heart set on it, but if he actually does and just doesn't get it, then he needs a kick up the bum!

EDIT: just seen your post above, it will not be something about you, don't for one second go blaming yourself. If he wants children then he needs to put the 'effort' in

lulu_92

IanRi wrote: »

Thank you Lulu, that was a lovely thing to say.



I don't get this. We both decided we wanted to start trying for a baby and I didn't take that to mean, 'she's the woman, she can try and have the baby, I'll do buger all'. Joint decision, joint responsibility and besides I REALLY want to be a dad.

It's been a team effort all the way. Both doing the research. I was keeping notes daily about changes and when we'd tried etc. to keep track of it all. When it went wrong it wasn't her problem it was ours because I view it as OUR pregnancy and OUR baby.

I can't actually carry it and I couldn't go through the termination, but if made sure I did absolutely everything I could to support her through it.

Since then been a team effort to make sure we're both as healthy as we can be going forward (because it makes her happier about it all knowing that at least we've tried our best)

I worry maybe your OH doesn't have his heart set on it, but if he actually does and just doesn't get it, then he needs a kick up the bum!

EDIT: just seen your post above, it will not be something about you, don't for one second go blaming yourself. If he wants children then he needs to put the 'effort' in

Your OH is so lucky to have you! Oh God, I just want to cry because I feel that we're the opposite of what you say. When I got pregnant it was OURS but I feel like the journey is just me. Right now I'm tempted to call it quits (possibly everything) as I feel this has been going on for a year now and his dedication has never changed. I'm sick of having the stress of it all and him saying "it is what it is"

kellykins

Winner of June BFP -(4) nobody


August BFP!



August BFP predictions

Kellykins: 6
ThinkPink:5
Jonesy88:5

Thread Graduates

maire1- 7/6/15
T-Sil-14/6/15
Jelly Box- 29/6/15
LittleMoog - BFP 2/7/15
HighlandLass-BFP 5/7/15
me-charlotte - 12/7/15
Black Ribboner- 20/7/15

jtr2803

lulu_92 wrote: »

There must be something stopping him from wanting to BD, it's probably something about me as what else can it be?
.

Please try to stop yourself feeling like that, I have been there and it's a dark and depressing place to be. We are programmed to believe that when we are attracted to, and love, someone that the physical interaction will automatically follow suit. It's taken me some years to get to grips with it but for some people that physical desire is just is not there, and probably won't ever be. Obviously sometimes there are physical and emotional reasons which can prevent the 'want' for intimacy but for a handful, there just is no reason. Satisfaction can come in many forms, it only needs to be 'sex' for the purpose of conceiving, so if everything else is otherwise going well then its not the be all and end all of your relationship.

Obviously, all the above aside, it is a big issue when it is affecting your TTC journey like it is now. Has he always been like this or just since you started trying? I don't go into massive detail about CM with my hubby but he's seen my OPKs, my FF charts and we talk about the fertile period and when I am due to O. Like Ian said, we are in this together. Is your OH perhaps a bit more old fashioned, or maybe even embarassed a bit?

I really hope you can find a way to work together :hug

lulu_92

jtr2803 wrote: »

Please try to stop yourself feeling like that, I have been there and it's a dark and depressing place to be. We are programmed to believe that when we are attracted to, and love, someone that the physical interaction will automatically follow suit. It's taken me some years to get to grips with it but for some people that physical desire is just is not there, and probably won't ever be. Obviously sometimes there are physical and emotional reasons which can prevent the 'want' for intimacy but for a handful, there just is no reason. Satisfaction can come in many forms, it only needs to be 'sex' for the purpose of conceiving, so if everything else is otherwise going well then its not the be all and end all of your relationship.

Obviously, all the above aside, it is a big issue when it is affecting your TTC journey like it is now. Has he always been like this or just since you started trying? I don't go into massive detail about CM with my hubby but he's seen my OPKs, my FF charts and we talk about the fertile period and when I am due to O. Like Ian said, we are in this together. Is your OH perhaps a bit more old fashioned, or maybe even embarassed a bit?

I really hope you can find a way to work together :hug

When we first started TTC he thought we were NTNP (although we never even discussed that) so 6 months in I was getting upset and he said "well we weren't properly trying were we?"

The month I got pregnant we DTD on CD12 and CD16. I was adamant I hadn't caught and we bought a BBT and some preseed for the May cycle. But turned out we had caught.

We took a break after the mc until my period came and last month we only DTD on CD15 (but he was too hot to finish). We agreed to try really hard this month and I don't feel it is happening on his part.

He gets grossed out by CM and doesn't think we need apps, OPKs or anything like that and pregnancy will just happen.

To be honest he is either stringing me along (and I have asked him that a lot in the last 12 months) or he genuinely believes it's all down to me.

I'm so fed up of it.

kellykins

Two Week Wait (BFP Hopefuls)
CD16 MancMama4-1DPO:cool:

"If in doubt - BD" Zone
CD92 babyb06- Awaiting ov
CD66 saver-j-Awaiting ov
CD66 ThePug-Awaiting ov
CD61 MovingUp- Awaiting ov
CD49 fairydust15 -Awaiting ov
CD47 Roz_V-Awaiting ov
CD45 aileth- Awaiting ov
CD42 Vampiric Addiction- Awaiting ov
CD38 ncsmummy - Awaiting ov
CD27 Cuilean-Awaiting ov
CD26 Lemon Tree-Awaiting ov
CD21 jtr2803-Awaiting ov
CD21 cats2012-Awaiting ov
CD20 2ba3c-Awaiting ov
CD18 ThinkPink- Awaiting ov
CD14 angel11-Awaiting ov
CD13 Milliebob-Awaiting ov
CD12 Mortgage Reduction Novice-Awaiting ov
CD12 lulu 92- Awaiting ov
CD10 Kellykins - Awaiting ov

"Wine and Chocolate" zone
CD7 Cyantist- Awaiting ov
CD5 Toots14-Awaiting ov
CD5 chickp- Awaiting ov
CD2 rockm87-Awaiting ov

Those we haven't heard from in a while
sunnydayz
Vince Vaughn
Bluegreen143
4nnabella
Crystal85
Hollydog
Keepergirl
flower10
Hbex
Scaps
Snapping Crocodile


Those with * sometimes uses conceive plus/preseed.
The names in blue has a link to their Fertility Friend chart.
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