Official Trying to Conceive - Thread 12

Black_Ribboner

Ladies, please help. Just got off the phone to my mum and am feeling so down. She had two very easy conceptions and similarly easy pregnancies, so has no direct experience of ttc. Her advice to me was:

A) lose weight. This is fair - my BMI is around 26.4, so I could do with losing about a stone at least. However, a huge issue for me is emotional/comfort eating, which unsurprisingly has been made worse during this whole process. Mum's view is that I just need to know why I eat, then stop. Just like that.

stop stressing about it. You know, just relax. Most things in life happen when you're not looking for them. So:

C) stop trying. Yes, statistically it may be that I only have around 12-16 days a year on which sex *might* result in pregnancy (based on 35-42 day cycles, of which about half are anovulatory), and it might be impossible for me to know when these are without tracking, but you know, the body does funny things and stats don't mean much. So just have sex when you want to, which in turn means:

D) don't wreck your marriage. All this pressure to BD? Not going to do your relationship any good. Stop that.

Tbh, none of this is terrible advice, but it's left me feeling so guilty. I am too fat, and that can impact on ovulation. But I can't stop eating. And I am too stressed, which isn't doing my body or my marriage any favours. But as I've mentioned here before, I don't feel that I can stop tracking. If I had regular cycles and knew that every four weeks or so we'd be in with a chance, that's one thing. But I have absolutely no idea when or if I'm going to ovulate on any given cycle. So how can I risk taking a three or four day break and possibly missing that rare chance?

I don't know what to do. This process is taking so much out of me - of us - and I don't feel that I have the luxury of stopping. I can't escape the feeling that I'm being punished for being a paranoid wreck (which is pretty paranoid in itself!)

I'm sorry for the self-indulgent post. I hope everyone else has had a more cheerful weekend and made the most of the weather x

ThinkPink

Hi black Ribboner. Firstly hugs that you are having a hard time of things. Secondly I think you should do what feels right for you and your OH.

I'm probably in a similar situation to you in that my bmi is higher than ideal (but is a bit higher than yours) and I have really irregular cycles due to pcos so I understand the pressure that you are under. I have been ttc for almost two years now (although ntnp for the last 6 months) and it is such a hard journey. My cycles have ranged from about 40 days to 170 days in this time so I don't really track but this for me works, but if you find tracking for you works then continue, don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing- only you know what works, and if not tracking will drive you mad continue to track.

Cuilean

Oh no, BR. Please don't take it out on yourself. This is a difficult enough time for you and your body without someone else adding to your woes.

Losing weight is definitely easier said than done. I suspect most women would like to drop a few pounds. It took me the better part of a year to lose a stone. No Weightwatchers or Slimming World, just making those comfort eating sessions into snacking on fruit or taking the dog out. Cleaning my teeth, weirdly, also stopped me eating. No need for a mad life change. My kick up the behind was my tactless-as-ever Granny, who saw me in my wedding dress and commented that "No dress could ever flatter you at that size, girl". Not helpful when I'm not a dress wearer and felt really daft anyway. Thanks, Nan :mad:

You could stop TTC, but if you've decided that now is the time for you, why give up on your goal? It's not exactly coming easy to any of us, and we'll support you until the BFP comes. If you think about it, the odds are stacked against every woman. Two or three days of the month to tick that box. It's why they say it's a miracle. Never really understood that before I started TTC, and now I look at every family and realise that most of them didn't just snap their fingers and get pregnant. Apart from the ones on my Facebook feed. Jammy cows :laugh:

No, don't wreck your marriage. But remember it's a shared thing which you're both invested in. Talk regularly about it. If you want to have a break from TTC, give yourself permission to do so. You're two human beings with emotions and shared experiences, and you'll support each other through so many things. Don't stop being best mates. Make time for each other, and no matter what happens with TTC, your relationship will be just as strong.

Don't beat yourself up - this is such an emotional process. Focus on you and making sure you're ready for those two lines on that test kit. You can do this!

ThinkPink

I think when af finally turns up (think I'm about cd 46 now) we may think about ttc more than we have for the Last 6 months. I had really thought I was getting slightly more regular as my last two cycles were about 42 and 41 days, but this cycle has been longer, and despite feeling like af is going to turn up soon I've felt like this for the last week or so and af still hasn't shown so I think my body is just playing tricks on me!!

So once af shows I may be back posting a bit more as this thread keeps me sane.

Maddybee33

Hello :-)
Just a lurker here, but I thought I'd chime in on the whole weight-loss thing. It might be obvious, but running is amazing exercise for weight-loss. At the moment I'm running outside at the mercy of the weather and passers-by thinking how terrible the red-faced, sweaty chubby lady looks. However, when we get a bigger place, the OH and I are going to invest in a treadmill to put in the spare room in front of a TV. An hour's exercise a day is a lot easier when you're watching your favourite shows.
Anywho,
Good luck, ladies!

ellesbellesxxx

Big hugs black ribboner... It is so hard and I can completely sympathise with the stress, comfort eating and pressure this Ttc malarkey puts you under. Just under a year ago, I was so naive when we were discussing when to start trying, blissfully unaware I was worried about having enough time to save for maternity leave... By this summer how naive!!!!!!

Hang in there xxxxxx

Black_Ribboner

Thanks everyone. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support.

I do run, but have never found it a particularly effective method of exercise - even when I trained for the marathon last year, I didn't really see any difference in weight or size. I think it is the diet that needs to change - I like the teeth brushing plan! Unfortunately we don't have a dog (one day, when we can be at home more) and the cats, while lovely, don't make brilliant exercise partners

We are going to keep trying, I think. I just can't imagine not and the worry of missing our chance will stress me out more than the tracking. Thank you all so much again, am keeping everything crossed for a bumper crop of bfps from everyone this month xx

aileth

Big hugs, BR.

My mum also had two very easy conceptions. She was 39 and conceived in a month with me. She really struggles to grasp the fact that it's not happening immediately for us. Each time I've tried to discuss it with her, she's huffed and puffed, "Well, you're young, I don't see what the problem is."

It's oh so easy for people who conceive at the drop of a hat to say not to worry etc, but they've never experienced anything like what we all have!

ncsmummy

hugs RB. My mum was the same, she had me and my sis young then another at 38 easily and just tells me to "relax". Its easy to be relaxed when it comes easily!!

Cuilean

That's the end of this month's fertile period for me, so now I'm in the 2WW zone. Not very hopeful since we only managed to BD twice.


I have no idea what fertility's like in my family as my sister and I were raised by Dad after my mum died, and Dad's not exactly someone who'll talk about things like fertility. He only needs to see a couple having a peck on the cheek on the TV and he gets embarrassed. However, my sister managed to have two children without too much bother, and on DH's side they've all been pretty successful, although there have been a couple of MCs.

Has anyone heard from Clearblue about the study? I've had an email from Clearblue this morning, saying that I'd be receiving an call from an 01234 number "in the next few days to discuss the study". Does that mean I'm in? It would be nice to get something good this month.